Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

You have an interesting, and distinctive, writing style, OP.

😂

I love your attitude, OP. You deserve someone wonderful.

So you think because you consider yourself good looking you should have been presented with a three course meal all cooked from scratch?

You’re not a very nice person are you?

Thank you, I retain hope!

You sound awful so hopefully you’ll do him a massive favour and ditch him

You sound hard to please babes

I’m surprised you didn’t bottom this out on the first date. Surely you discussed whether he insists on making curries from first principles?

I once broke off a relationship when I found out he didn’t have his own bespoke garam marsala formula.

I'm desperate to cook with someone and bounce culinary ideas off. Could you possibly put me in touch with him? We could go to cooking school together.

There's nothing wrong with supermarket gyoza in the microwave. It's not rubbery by any standards. I consider myself a decent cook - I'm certainly not great at lasagne

shocking

Sorry OP but you sound really unpleasant. Here we have a nice guy who has gone to the effort of cooking something for you albeit not to your ultra high standards. It’s not Come Dine With Me, it’s a date! The meals your described are a completely normal way of cooking and loads of people would make meals from spice kits or El Paso kits if their friend or boyfriend or girlfriend was coming round. It’s nice and homely and I would consider that home cooking.

You seem to think of yourself as this prize who he needs to dazzle and impress endlessly to gain the approval of. Just break up with the poor guy and let him find a woman out there who really appreciates him. Loads out there who would love and be grateful for this and see the effort.

Even if you didn’t enjoy it, I can’t believe you cannot see the nice gesture for which it was intended. He wanted to cook for you. The food is fine and edible. Leave him alone. Literally.

Overreaction, much? We were laughing the other day about the first “home cooked” meal my DH made when we first started dating.

He’s been my wonderful DH for 20 years and honestly you could not ask for a kinder, harder working, man who does absolutely LOADS around the house and in terms of parenting.

Don’t write off a good man because he didn’t live up to your “standards”. Actually, do…set him free so that he can find someone more appreciative.

He deserves better.

Mr Supermarket Gyozas is probably texting his friends just now… “She’s alright looking but her use of apostrophes is embarassing and her spelling is a bit shit. Should I keep my standards high or give her another chance?”

I am beginning to wonder if this isn’t a real post. The crass-ness of saying he was “punching” (such a hideously cheap description). And the grammar (‘he over done them’ ‘more pricier’) makes me think now we are being baited. Someone who clearly has such a high opinion of their own self worth… and yet…

You can't change a potential partner into the person you want them to be. If you want to date a good cook, look for someone who's a good cook. If you're not getting what you want out of a relationship, break it off as kindly as you can and look elsewhere.

Telling someone that they need to improve to meet your standards is not a sensible or healthy way to go about dating.

Nobody is telling OP that she needs to date this man. But if I was seeing someone, if I prepared them a three course meal and they told me they were disappointed, I wouldn't want to see or speak to them again. Because I know my worth.

Hopefully his response is to block you

🥰

Its the effort isnt it - does he treat in other ways, flowers, arranging dates etc?

It could be that he was just in a rush - like you said, his response will determine the next steps x

Did you promise you a cooked from scratch meal or did he just invite you to dinner at his instead of going out?
Honestly if I'd invited my now dh round for dinner and the next day he'd messaged to say he was disappointed in my lack of culinary talent, he'd have found himself dumped quite quickly.

That would certainly be my response if someone was this rude to me!

I have a friend who actually married someone who doesn't spear his own squid for squid ink. Can you imagine?

She’s not suggesting telling him to improve his cooking. She has told him she ‘ I appreciate his ‘effort’ in cooking but that I felt disappointed with what he promised versus what was presented.’

It’s better to be honest otherwise he will think OP really likes supermarket own brand jar food and microwaveable rubbery gyoza.

I agree you can’t change people. Dating is all about finding out what you like and don’t like, so OP would not be unreasonable to break it off because she doesn’t like his efforts. Dating is not an equal opportunities initiative.

Haven’t RTFT but I agree with @Swiftie1878 - really depends on your intentions. If you are looking for a potential husband, you want a fully grown and capable man, not a project and this doesn’t cut it. I’m surprised by many of the replies here - if you came in 5 yrs time saying he doesn’t make an effort, can’t cook a meal etc. and you have to do it all, everyone will be down your throat with ‘didn’t you see that before you committed’. But now everyone is ‘if he’s fun , go for it’/ ‘you expect too much’.

You will be single a very long time if this is a deal breaker , I am an excellent cook, my husband is a functional cook though an excellent baker . I value his kindness , compassion , his hilarious sense of humour and he’s a wonderful Dad . He’s sexy as hell but I’m shallow like that ! I once knew a woman who met a great guy , he was kind good looking very attentive but he was an electrician she was in finance , she thought that he would have nothing in common with her friends , 20 yrs later she is still single .