Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

As we’re grown women, we should also be able to identify that OP was being tongue-in-cheek.

But she never claimed it was a “punishment” - another PP said that.

I thought that was obvious but apparently not!

Me too.

If you put up with that low an effort you can guarantee if you stayed with him that any home cooked meals etc would when come from you and he’d have expected you to take over anything and everything domestic!!

This just comes over as snide. All the 'low effort' stuff sounds like incels talking about 'low value'. If you're not compatible you're not compatible but he did make an effort whether you're happy with the outcome or not.

It wasn’t nice. The starter was microwaved and I think he over done them. The main was not even one of the more pricier kits - it was a jar with spices above (Lidl I think it said).

I went to the gym first thing and still had a horrible taste in my mouth.

For me it all depends. In this situation I probably wouldn’t think it was low effort unless I knew he usually cooked everything from scratch for guests /himself.

If someone - be it a friend or a romantic partner - takes the effort to go to the supermarket and get food in then fry or heat it up and then presumably cleans up after hosting me I would still see it as they’ve made a good effort. Even if it’s UPF/packaged food requiring only very basic cooking skills.

The fact is not every man or woman cooks from scratch, so maybe that’s just how they live.

That said, I remember dating one guy who went on about his “marry me” dishes, these were basically some recipes he claimed he had up his sleeve to make a woman want to marry him.

When I stayed at his house for the first (and last) time, I got something leftover that didn’t taste very nice and then on another night that weekend he cooked something very basic.

I did mind that because I knew neither of them were his “Marry me” dishes and gave off the impression I wasn’t one of the woman he wanted to impress, so he hadn’t put in as much effort as he was capable of despite it being my first time at his. Needless to say I cut things off after I left his house.

Urgh sounds awful!

As you love good food and he doesn’t, you will have this issue time and time again.

Has he eaten at yours yet?

I have messaged him to say I appreciate his ‘effort’ in cooking but that I felt disappointed with what he promised versus what was presented. His response will determine my next steps.

I make no apology for having certain standards, you need to know your worth ladies x

You're being very unfair on him. Poor guy. He tried, and that what you should be seeing.

He deserves better.

Yep! I’d be joining the many posters moaning a about the ‘mental load’ and so on.

Jeez, let the poor man go. If it’s not this, it will be something else where he fails miserably.

But OP doesn’t deserve what she wants, eh?

I get the impression you severely overestimate yours.

I personally think it’s a bit petty if he’s good otherwise. Having said, I hate anyone cooking for me, don’t like eating out and like to prepare things as I like them. To the point that I can’t have a coffee at friends’ houses because I’d have to but in and want to make it myself how I like it 🤦🏼‍♀️ I realise you’re the opposite but still wouldn’t go chucking him over a shop bought curry.

He is fine, he’s a grown man who has been around the block. He says himself he’s punching with me! So that’s why I was so shocked at the lack of effort.

Yeah, those women are talking about their partners going off with their mates 10 minutes after their child has been born, shagging their sisters, or wiping shit on the bathroom walls, they’re not talking about an otherwise lovely bloke who just can’t cook like Marco Pierre White. But by all means, finish it. Let him find someone more reasonable.

I have just seen this one. Will determine your next steps? I hope that you are not given the option to take any further steps, and that he takes his own, in the opposite direction.

I've been married for over 25 years to a man for whom a home cooked meal is a tin of soup in a microwave but his apostrophe use is exemplary.

Just break up with him as it sounds like you're incompatible - you want someone who can cook you a better meal and he isn't it.

It's incredibly rude to criticise someone who's gone to the effort of inviting you round and preparing a three course meal, expecting them to redeem themselves because it didn't meet you standards. So don't do that.

Just recognise that he's not what you're looking for and move on.

He produced a supermarket own brand jar of sauce and microwaveable rubbery gyoza. He couldn’t even make a lasagne or something.

OP is allowed to want someone who has more flair than that.

Oh wow, I missed this! How incredibly rude!

Knowing your worth does not mean being rude to people. Poor man.

I’m sure he’d find someone else, a desperate mumsnetter by the sounds of it 😂

Well I’m glad my dh didn’t sack me off for my horrendous cooking lol. He’s such a good cook and he’s tried to teach me over the years. I’ve got much better. But I’ve got much more to give than a Michelin star meal thankfully lol

27 years together and very happy