Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

Yeh dump him.

You won’t live up to his standards of having someone appreciate something nice he did for them.

You’ll be doing him a favour.

Wow, you sound awful.

There are several errors in your own post; nobody should be nit-picking about SPAG on a chat forum.

How did it taste op? Was it vile, or was it only because you didn’t feel he made enough effort that you’re unhappy? This probably was home cooking for him - after all, he did cook it at home. Curries also use a lot of different spices that, if you don’t have them already, can make it an expensive exercise.

We’re not all good at everything. My DH was a terrible cook when I first met him - he’d never done much cooking before and tended to throw all sorts of random stuff in. He’s a great cook now. It takes practice.

I assume you have cooked for him before? What did you feed him?

💯

I’d also keep in mind that there are a fair few men who post here, and some of them are keen on re-inforcing the idea that women need to make the best of what they get and not expect a lot.

I would take ‘home cooked’ to mean ‘not a takeaway’ - which it wasn’t.

You should dump him though, you aren’t compatible.

To be fair, he said home cooked not home made! For some people, kits is the top end of their skills/amount of time available, so that might’ve been a lot of effort to him. Also, I cook from scratch a lot but don’t really do that for friends because I want the food to definitely be nice.

If you are a real foodie and normally eat fancy food at home, and he doesn’t care about fancy food, then I think its fair to break it off because you’re incompatible. But to punish him by refusing sex because he bought a brownie from a supermarket makes me think you’re probably quite hard work anyway!

Double post whoops

Red flags.

you, not him.

dump him. You’d be doing him a favour.

Ok, that's totally unreasonable and bloody weird.

Sex isn't a reward, fgs. It's ok to fancy someone or not, but "reward" is inappropriately transactional.

Is there a sliding scale? A snog for a starter; oral sex if he can correctly pin bone a fish?

that made me laugh out loud! “Oral sex if he can correctly pin bone a fish” is going to be my new bench mark 😂

I cba to read all the comments but I use Spice Tailor and they are really good. I also make curries from scratch but sometimes want something quick, easy and tasty.

I remember my boyfriend aged 18 and still living with his parents, making me a "home cooked" meal. Pizza and tinned fruit cocktail with Neapolitan ice cream, he was really pleased with himself. I hate chocolate ice cream but I still married him. His mother was a hopeless cook and his grandmother would put sugar in her peas! when we got married he left all the cooking to me (and everything else) but by God he was fussy, he wouldn't eat anything made with tinned tomatoes and my culinary choices were stunted. Since we divorced I can turn my hand to almost anything.

If you really liked or fancied him, this would make you laugh and not be a reason to break it off.

How old are you both? I don’t think cooking skills came into it when I was in my 20s (now 50s). Neither DH nor I could cook.

Yes this. Me? I bloody love gyozas!

You don’t have to justify yourself, but if that’s a red flag for you then find someone else. Let him serve his gyozas to someone who, if they’re anything like me, will happily scoff the lot.

If you think he could have cooked better for you but couldn't be bothered, then finish things, I guess he's not that into you either or he would have made more effort.

If you think he's not that great or confident a cook and that was his best attempt, then decide whether you want a boyfriend or a chef.

I'm interested to know what big efforts you have made for him.

I'm interested to know what big efforts you have made for him.

Yes indeed!

It doesn't mean it was low effort. You are confusing cooking ability with effort.

When I met my now DH we went to a running race for our third date.

He is much faster than me. Imagine he'd said 'she mustn't have cared about impressing me or she'd have run faster' and thought my speedy friend a much better mate as she was making a bigger effort.

I can whip up a great home cooked meal and it's not high effort or stressful; I'm a good cook.

So dump him if being a good cook is a requirement but not because he's not trying. You simply don't know.

Well I think you shouldn’t settle for anything less than a Michelin starred chef. Good luck in your endeavours, I’m sure there’ll be a queue once they know you’re now available.

Just think, some ‘lucky’ guy out there doesn’t yet know you’re his ‘prize’.

Fucking hell that's grim

But to punish him by refusing sex because he bought a brownie from a supermarket makes me think you’re probably quite hard work anyway!

She didn’t want to have sex with him and that is allowed. Women can refuse to have sex for whatever reason they want.

I don’t see the issue. It was home cooked.

That said personal preferences are personal. If this is not what you are looking for, end it. He is not entitled to date you.

How would your friends describe you?

That poor guy. I hope you do end things with him. For his sake!

Seems you've made up your mind, so why ask for opinions?