Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

Are you the poster who thinks men should jump through hoops / pay for everything/ and now also cook Michelin standard food, before you "put out" (urgh)/ reward them with sex? Because women never ever have sex just because they want to? An odd outlook on relationships.

Blimey, you sound like hard work. Finish with the poor bugger and stop wasting his time !

If you get the ick then you get the ick!

I got the ick when a boyfriend made a great hoohah about his unique bolognese recipe and what a treat for me etc.

Turns out his secret was using the sun-dried tomato Dolmeo as opposed to the bolognese Dolmeo and the extra-secret-secret was a spoonful of sugar. 😐

(I took great petty pleasure in telling him how lovely it was and subtly dropped in that I made mine from scratch and offered up the recipe with a tinkly laugh)

Imagine I wonder what he would make of your culinary delights.
Give the man up and hope he finds someone with a generous heart.
And beware being too picky. You may end up alone.

“Reward such low effort”!? Girl, what? 😬
Let the bloke free, and find someone else, who meets your high standards.

It wouldn't be what I considered to be a 'home cooked meal' either but I'd alsp recognise what he'd tried to do.

If someone offered to make me a home cooked meal, I'd also expect a recipe to have been involved. I cook from scratch and all the men I've dated have been food at cooking.

However, I think this might be a mismatch in expectation.

The OP heard home cooked meal and understood that as cooked from scratch because that's what she would have meant.

He said home cooked meal and meant 'not a takeaway'.

Then again, I've seen threads on MN descend into rages because some people consider frying off some minced beef and adding a jar of Dolmio to be cooking from scratch 😅🤷🏻‍♀️

😆

There’s a lot of bullying High standards here. Low standards get bullied here, I guess. Mumsnet for the mid - level, is it?

oh dear. I am getting back out there on the dating scene and felt like I have a fair bit to offer. But I'm a shit cook. I would prepare something like what he has done and would feel I'd made a LOT of effort, and would be nervous about doing it too.
Oh well, guess I might be single forever then.....

ps My ex husband was a great cook and prepared delicious meals from absolute scratch. he put the effort into cooking because he wanted to and enjoyed doing it, and liked getting the praise. It was never really about doing something nice for me. He also slept around. Take that on board OP

Have you nothing to say about OP saying she uses sex as a 'reward'?

I don’t think so though. I’m guessing he also tidied his house, chose and bought wine, did the washing up afterwards?

If I invited someone round for a home cooked meal, and had been working full time during the week, there’s more that goes into it than just the actual cooking. It would be a balancing act for me of shopping for the food, cleaning the house, making myself presentable (granted, probably less of an issue for him, quick shower), and organising the whole evening, not just the actual cooking.

End it if you want, but to end it based on that seems like madness to me, personally.

Can u give an example of what you were expecting?

You're right OP, as well as being unreasonable to many on here.

You're right because you have high standards, so high, that a man you thought was good enough to date, clearly wasn't because he prepared a nice meal, but made from store bought kits.

Dear me...whatever next, to you, a "giant red flag" so be it.
You asked for "opinions please" and that is mine; LT ( poor) B to eat his store bought meals, made only to please a woman of high standards, and move on.

I think the issue is with him calling it a home cooked meal. If he had said he’ll whip up a quick meal that would have been fine.

Those home cook kits from the supermarket are pretty underwhelming.

If you like good food, I think you may come to resent cooking for him whilst he just does basic meals.

I had an ex who liked to eat out a lot. He was generous and always insisted on paying for the meals but I preferred taking it in turns to cook, which he didn’t want to do. When he did cook, he followed the recipes meticulously and produced lovely meals, but he just preferred to eat out. Not for me.

Maybe he meant food cooked at home rather than from scratch?

I agree with this. I am a pretty good baker, and so I bake everything from scratch. But I know people who make cake from a box mix and they call it homemade, because to them it is homemade. They're not wrong they made it at home it's technically homemade cake. I'm not going to turn my nose up at a box mix cake just because it's not my preference.

I don't think it's fair to call this dinner low effort because if that's the best he can do then it's not low effort.

Indeed. Op seems to consider herself quite the prize, with her “standards” regarding food production and her tawdry rewards for effort mindset.
I wonder if he feels she’s worth the effort?

90% of the country would describe that as home cooked, tbh.

He promised you home cooked food.

He cooked the food at home.

set him free, you’re not good enough for him…

And it’s probably why we have an obesity problem.

Same! That would be far worse to me.

For the sake of the poor lad, let him go. Kinder for you both.

You sound as shallow as fuck.

If you really liked him, this wouldn't bother you at all.

Why is a woman who loves good home cooking not being kind for not wanting to date a man who doesn’t share her love of cooking home cooked meals?

This is what dating is for, to find out what you like and don’t like about someone.