AIBU to hate being a step mum?

[PurpleSalem]

There is so much context to this story but here is a very brief overview!!

I have been with my partner for over three years… he has a 6 & 8 year old I have a 5 soon to be 6 year old.

It’s never been plain sailing let me tell you that!! The ex on his side has done her very best to poison his kids against me to the point where the 8 year old didn’t see her dad for months.

Obviously she takes everything her mum says as gospel (totally understand that) but it’s just soooo hard to bite my tongue and live with it.

Feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time.. like I’m not welcome and I’m just basically a frigging slave to the kids who don’t even like me!!!

Anyway, yesterday I bit back.. and i feel so guilty as I usually just keep it inside. After listening to her argue and be nasty to everyone all weekend I just lost it. She was telling me how I couldn’t tell her off as I’m not her mum blah blah to which I snapped ‘if I’m not your mum and you don’t want me to look after you.. cook your own food and was your damn clothes then!!!!’

The 8 year old is so clingy with her dad, talks to me like absolute shite and then goes back to her mum to say ‘oh SM has done this said this etc…’ and it all turns out to be lies!!

Her mum obviously then jumps on any form of problem pasting it all over social media/ tik tok etc slagging me off.

Sigh, sorry to rant.. just at my wits end :(

Your life would become a lot easier if you were to unblend your families. Your partner's life would become more difficult and so he is unlikely to want to do this.

YANBU to dislike being a “stepmother”, YABVVU to take it out on a child.

The children are the victims in this situation, not you. I think you should consider living apart until the children are older and things are more settled. This can’t be good for your child either.

Op why did you move in together, was it his idea or yours? Who's house do you live in?

Cannot believe some of these replies, why does everybody think it’s ok for children to consistently behave badly and never be told. The OP could have said fat worse to her. Sure, part of the blame for the situation can certainly be attributed to her parents, but the OP sounds as if she has done her best and put up with her behaviour for a long time. Everyone has a life. The world has gone too childcentric bfat, our generation would have been told off for sure. That said, if I was the OP. I would protect myself and my DS and leave

How does your child feel about DPs kids, do they get along together?

Your SD is 8, her mum is clearly in her ear, she probably does like you deep down but feels guilty to her own mother, she’s probably angry at dad, missing dad, angry at you, anxious going home to mums because she’ll get questioned about her time with you.

It’s so hard to keep it all in, you shouldn’t of shouted at her, but it’s done now, apologise and move on.

Your DP needs to pull her on her behaviour and let her know the rules for his house and how she is expected to treat everyone in it, but I imagine he is scared to not see her again for a few months.

Talk to your DP about your issues and tell him what you expect from him and tell him you need things to change.

It sounds terrible for you and I can understand your frustration
but it's the children I feel very sorry for in these situations they the ones suffering because of choices the people in their lives have made

If her mother is a drug addict then your dp needs to go to court and seek full time residency of his children.

I feel for those poor children I was in their position along time ago except no mother around! That woman nearly ruined my life, if you don’t like the package stay out!!

This isn't going to work out

you have a partner problem.

he knew his kids were struggling with his new partner so he moved in with her anyway. he does minimal care - hence you doing the cooking and laundry. she speaks to you disrespectfully and he doesn't challenge it. she lies to her Mom and he doesn't challenge it.

he shouldn't have moved in so quickly with you. personally, id fix that for you

She doesn’t have to put up with it though.

yes, the child is old enough to be told but not for her to lose it with her. This is where her dad should step up but he obviously isn’t so why doesn’t the op cut her losses and leave instead of it getting worse and her “putting up with it”

Yabu for doing her cooking and laundry her dad should

As usual....poor kids. Another 'blended' family shit show.

Why do people get into these relationships imaginging its going to be plain sailing.

I agree

I have an 8 yr old, he's mine and my husbands, both kids are

8 yr olds seem to be the start of the 'enjoyinh saying utterly horrific overblown things when I happy with their parent'

I've had 'i hate you' 'how can you treat your own son this way' (I think I'd confiscated a yo-yo he was swinging round his head) I wish I had a different mum, I wish I could just leave here... You get the picture. They say stuff. You're the adult. Sort yourself out or leave.

There’s a fair few steps between putting ip
with it and screaming at an 8 year old that isn’t yours, that they should cook for themselves.

not surprised, the mum sounds immature and nasty. All she's doing is making her own kids lives harder.

Needs to grow up and think of her kids. Life's easier when your nice.

agree. Why do people keeping kids also.

Nah, this is on the dad. Why is OP doing all the domestic work for his children?! He needs to take the lead.

Do you need to live with him, OP?

I am not saying break up with him altogether. But could you separate and just see each other when the kids are with their other parent?

I know it's a more expensive way to live, but believe me, the peace and happiness it will bring to you, and to the children, will be worth every penny, if you can possibly make this work.

And the kids' mom won't be able to say anything about you if you aren't seeing her children at all.....

I honestly would cut your losses and walk away 💯

Your own child is growing up around this crap.
Your DP is not taking full responsibility for his kids.
This poor girl is mirroring her mother. 🤦🏻‍♀️

And if you think it's bad now, wait until all the kids hit the teenage years 😨
You will look back and think it was a breeze in comparison 😆
His dick isn't worth it. 🫩

Put your own child first and do everyone a favour (including yourself) by walking away from this bullshit.
Both your child and those children deserve better. A lot better.
Do the right thing and leave with your son. 💯

It’s your child I feel for in this situation. The child of the stepmother is always forgotten in these threads as lots of posters trip over themselves to shout about the needs of the stepchild and the failings of the stepmum. Always seems like it’s only ever the stepchildren who have needs and feelings, and who are immune from any criticism.

I hope you don't have any children if this is your first thought about the situation.
We are talking about a child who has a chaotic home life with no control over where she lives or who with. Forced into a situation where one set of adults in her life obviously dislike the other set.

Leave.

Neither you nor your DC need this shit.

And report her for benefit fraud on your way out.

Yes exactly;
There’s another thread on here about a woman with and 3 year year old shacking up with her new boyfriend prioritising him over the child and wondering why he’s so upset.

As a parent, your priority should be your child and NOT getting a new partner “because you don’t want to be on your own” or whatever other needy reasons you have. Some of the stuff I read on MN is just pathetic. Is nobody capable of just being themselves are they really that desperate??

I would never subject my kids to this if me and their Dad separated it’s the height of selfishness.