AIBU to think their no-touching rule for the baby is OTT?

[Pretfeen]

Some relatives recently had a baby. They are quite a young couple in mid 20s and have set a rule that no one is allowed to hold or touch baby until he's at least 12 weeks old, not even grandparents. Before 4 weeks no one could visit. Now visits are permitted but only to look at baby, no touching.

For background baby is healthy, born full term so no issues like that.

AiBU to think this is a bit OTT and precious? Obviously it shouldn't be pass the parcel with a newborn, no kisses, wash hands, stay away if sick etc but I've never seen this level of protection before.

Obviously it's their baby, their rules and I'm not going to break them. I'll visit in a few weeks and keep my distance.

Is this a Gen Z thing? Or are they a bit extreme? I was never this way with my DC nor were any friends and relatives in my age group. We'd usually visit a week or two after and hold baby after washing hands. Maybe I'm just a bit blasé about these, I'm sure there will be plenty of sanctimonious parents in here who'll tell me AIBU

The only way I can have some empathy is if mum is experiencing post natal anxiety. My children ( teens) ( held by their aunt day 1 ) aren't allowed to touch their niece at all until she is 6month +

Lol. ALL the Chinese and ALL the Russians. Of course there must be a foreigner involved here somewhere 🙄

This no one holding the baby rule is madness in my mind, as by the time you get to your second born baby you won't care as you literally have a the baby being touched by a snotty germ ridden bigger sibling who likely sneezes all over them and passes on all the schools germs etc. Unless they intend for their second baby to be kept completely seperate from their sibling for the first 12 weeks.

It's so cruel not letting the grandparents hold the baby. Babies are only that small once and there's nothing better than a cuddle with a newborn. I couldn't imagine missing that. No way could I do that to my mum and dad. They'd have been so upset.

Goodness. A baby is such a happy addition to a close family (grandparents, aunts and uncles) and those kind of rules are very alien to me. My DC were held by all of the above the day they were born, and I held DN before DSis due to her being high as a kite. No harm, everybody very close.

Prepare yourself for the anti vax stuff then!

Batshit crazy they’ll be moaning no one cares next . I’d bloody well stay away for now

Op, people these days behave as if they have just given birth to Christ!

in time when baby is no longer a baby and they need help hopefully they realise how pointlessly precious they have been!

when baby gets tired first cold and mum doesn’t have enough hands to change out of her vomit clothes and clean and simultaneously soothe a sick crying child or when baby is in the move and you can’t shower or pee unless it’s as nap times and that’s if you aren’t nap trapped!

they will see the error of ways in time!!!

Good to know :-)

So you’d punish them because you don’t get your way? 😂
just let them be. They’ll probably relent once they’ve feel more settled.

Stupid rules though. Newborns give off pheromones that help with bonding. Grandparents who hold newborns are much more likely to form a strong bond and therefore love and care for them more.
Choosing to do something that lessens this is just plain silly.
When the GPs prefer their other grandkids no doubt they will moan about that.

Or they don’t, they think it was the right thing to have done, their families and friends are delighted to meet the baby whenever, no one cuts anyone out of their will or swears off babysitting in perpetuity, and life goes on much as before?

A whole lot of scare stories that are true but 1 in a million scenarios. Once you get one on your algorithm you are pelted with tragedy after tragedy.

It freaked me out too, but my mother is a force of nature so I would never have got away with asking people not to touch my baby 😅

12 weeks is 3 months. That's quite awhile. I usually wait 4-6 weeks unless the parents make it clear to come on by.

I don’t believe in babies being passed around like toys. we don’t want to hug or cuddle everyone we meet so why should they? We don’t want to kiss everyone we meet either and I taught my DC to shake hands from a very early age. People were so surprised that they forgot they hadn’t had a kiss.

It's ok for people to hold the baby so long as they aren't ill.
I just had a baby in January, for us the rules were absolutely no kissing (for everyone) as my dad and nan both get coldsores so i did not want to risk it.

You can imagine my paranoia when I also read that people who are asymptomatic can still shed the virus if they have it! When you know how nasty the coldsore virus is to newborns and lethal, I was gritting my teeth when they held my baby. But yes it is rare for that to happen.

Unfortunately there are a lot more nasty bugs about this day and age as they spread so easily, so while I do think no holding is a bit ott I can kind of understand it.

I know a couple who followed these rules and clearly communicated the rules to all friends and family.

In their case the mum has PPA and there is coercive control and emotional abuse from the dad to the mum.

Not saying all couples who dish out these rules have issues but it makes me wonder ...

My DC was 6 weeks prem, I think we were at baby classes by the time they were 8 weeks old…that said, they were hospitalised with bronchiolitis at 20 weeks 🫣

I know. What an ignorant/racist post, especially the bit about the dodgier hygiene in other countries.

As for the post, it's totally OTT imo and will just push family away but why do you think it is a Gen Z thing @Pretfeen? That is also an ignorant thing to say and rather ageist. Do you not know a single Gen Z yourself? Why assume that it applies to all Gen Z parents?

What’s the obsession with holding and touching babies? I’ve always been relaxed and let my baby be ‘passed around’ however 8 months in my baby doesn’t want to be held by random people they haven’t seen for months and don’t remember. You can see the baby, you don’t have to hold them…

I’m pregnant and not particularly anxious about most people visiting me PP but the thought of my little niece and my brother and SIL visiting fills me with dread. Between them I don’t think they have had a well week since Christmas, and my niece has something at least every fortnight from school. My SIL has already told me about how excited she is to come and see me in the hospital and how she can’t wait to be the “big cousin” in the family.

All very sweet, but fuck this gives me anxiety like nothing else

"Of course I wont touch them or hold them if you don't want me too. Can you tell me why? I didnt dio this with my own children, was I wrong?"

Reminds me of a friend who had her first baby during lock down. She travel was permitted and not mixing, her mother refused to drive the 30mins to see her to meet the baby through a window or in the garden as if she couldn’t hold them what was the point . So utterly cruel and I never understood that. The support saying hello and it holding them is fine to do!

I don’t think this is batshit crazy at all , it’s quite normal for parents (especially first time parents) to be very protective of their newborn baby.

It is a lot for the woman physically, mentally and that protective instinct kicks in straight away, I do understand it is disappointing for the family but my advice would be to suck it up and follow the rules.

There are many reasons the parents may feel this way from wanting to exclusively breastfeed , anxiety about germs (not unreasonable IMO).

Newborn babies are very vulnerable and so are new Mums (Lots of women aren’t quite their robust selves after birth).

Be as supportive as you can, the baby will grow so fast and be lovely and smiley having a cuddle with you before you know it, their rules won’t make any difference in the bond you have with the baby unless you let it.

Let them do what they feel is right for their baby and themselves and enjoy their newborn bubble without a vibe. It’s short lived and the most precious time.

This is what I think!

It’s not something I did or would impose but I can’t see why it bothers anyone. Their baby, their rules.

Each to their own.

I think you need to tell them that you won’t be having visitors to the hospital and you won’t want children handling the baby early on.