to think it’s inconsiderate to leave a lifetime of clutter for your kids to deal with when you die?

[wirey]

My parents are in their 70s, both in good health, fully capable, still active. This isn’t about illness, frailty or anything like that.

They have a 5-bedroom house absolutely rammed with stuff. I’m talking decades of things such as old paperwork, clothes, random items, things they haven’t used in years (some of it honestly feels like it’s been there 30–40 years untouched).

I’ve gently raised it a few times and offered to help them sort through it. Not in a pushy way, just suggesting we could do a bit at a time. Every time the response is basically “you can deal with it when we’re gone.”

I find that really unfair. It’s not even about the physical effort (although that will be huge), it’s the emotional side too. Having to go through a whole house of someone else’s lifetime possessions while grieving is a lot. Plus trying to work out what’s important, what isn’t, what can be thrown away without guilt.
I get that it’s their house and their stuff, and they can live how they want. I’m not trying to control that. But equally, it feels like they’re knowingly leaving a massive job for someone else when they don’t have to.

I’m not expecting minimalism or a spotless house, just a bit of consideration in not leaving everything untouched for decades and then handing it over as a problem later.

AIBU to think that’s selfish?

I have reduced my own possessions by 75% as not to leave a mess behind for DH and my DC.

Op could make that clear and sometimes people do know either way and op hasn’t been open about this. Instead, op has made snide remarks to others who suggested they might inherit money.

There is no will in place. Parents might need care so there may be no money left.

Happy?

Are you not named as a beneficiary?

I would say whoever inherits the house can pay for the clearance.

Who will do it then? The council?

Yes, if the council is the landlord. Understandably the council will try to get out of this obligation, but if they are the landlord then it is for them to deal with. Where it gets messy is if potential beneficiaries want to take some things but not all. If you take some things you can be seen to have taken responsibility for administering the estate.

If the parents, own their home it will likely be sold to pay for their care so will need to be emptied, unless it can be sold with everything in it for the buyer to dispose of.

Yes. So the parents would need to pay for it to be cleared and then arrange the sale. I suppose they might ask their children to help with this, but they don’t have to.

If they die, you say the estate will pay. What if there's no estate?

If the estate is insolvent then it falls to the landlord simply because they are forced to act to get their property back.

What happens if they rent? Will the LL be stuck with their stuff?

Yes.

I'm in my 40s and me and my husband have done the same. We have regular clear outs and ensure all paperwork is in order.
If you've had hoarding parents, you'd get this. It's so stressful and I will not pass this onto my kids.

And private tenants?

"So the parents would need to pay for it to be cleared"

Yes, but often when people go into a home it's because they can't do things like that. Everyone in my family who went into a home had some kind of dementia and would never have been able to make such arrangements. So then I suppose it falls again to the children (or the landlord if renting).

No clue, you could probably look up the laws though.

"Who will do it then? The council?
Yes, if the council is the landlord.

I didn't mean in cases where the council is the LL, I meant in cases where the council needs to be paid for the care and the adult children of the care home residents don't empty the house. Who would then empty the house so it can be sold to pay for the care?

Clear it and take the cost out the deposit 🤷‍♀️

But they are still keeping them.
Why do you think it is? If not that they don’t want to get rid of them, aka they somehow have some value to them?

Rental deposit in the UK is usually only a month's rent isn't it and people are saying this costs thousands...
Maybe it's just a cost that Landlords have to chalk up...

It's because they HOARD FFS!
Most of us have a bit of this tendency. It doesn't mean the things have any value, sentimental or other.

Your issue is really that it will take time to go through the stuff to set aside what’s worth it….. 😢😢😢

Maybe instead, you should ask them to put the important stuff .ike identity document in a special box. Then no need to look further them abd you can bin the rest wo looking??
I mean you dint seem to care, whether it’s worth money or not, sentimental or not. So that shouldn’t be an issue rigut? Everything in the skip as you said?

I don't know why they want to hold onto them. I don't know what value broken appliances hold.

I’m not meaning to be obtuse, but someone will have LPOA for the parents. That might be the adult children, or might be someone else.

Whoever it is will use the parents’ assets (money in bank account, investments, or something else) to pay to market the property, including getting it ready for sale.

When this happened for my neighbour it was a distant relative (both genealogically and geographically) who had LPOA. He first sold neighbours car and then used those funds to pay for clearance and cleaning. The care home waited for payment until the house was sold.

Not sure what would happen if the only asset was the house with no money in the bank and no income.

I have asked them to put a file together. They said no.

So because I am not sentimental, it is easy to chuck it in a skip?

I had a house cleared recently and it certainly wasn’t thousands.

less than a grand for a 3 bed house. So not more than a months rent.

some property clearance do it surprisingly cheaply, and make money selling contents at auction, or on the odd valuable they may find.

British heart foundation for example do bereavement house clearance, prices start from £400 according to their website.

And fir a hoarder, those things are important.

So unless you’re willing to ensure they get therapy, enough that separating them from those is not painful anymore, then you’re just being cruel.

Also remembering theyre only in their 70s, they have at least 10 years in front of them. 10 years is a long time. Don’t you think that, even if the OP’s parents had emptied their house ‘from all the junk’, it will just be filled again 10 years on?

Well that’s what I got from your posts…..

"I’m not meaning to be obtuse, but someone will have LPOA for the parents. That might be the adult children, or might be someone else."

In my family nobody has that. It would now need to be a deputyship and there's no way the spouse of the person with Alzheimers will go through the cost and hassle of that.

I have the same conversation with my mother. She agrees with me yet does nothing about it.

I've recently been told about Swedish death cleaning. I need to read up about it but it's basically to spare loved ones the burden of managing one’s belongings after death.

Delighted 😩

They probably need to just put all the paperwork in a case, that's what my mum did, my dad's was also in a pile together, they were separated. Everything else can go then. Though if it's a lot, probably best to pay for clearance.

Excellent 🤗