To hate remote wedding venues with no overnight accommodation at them

[CurdinHenry]

Unless the wedding party provide a coach then it's fine

for no good flipping reason

Depends on what you consider to be a good reason. Spending money you can't afford is in my mind a good reason not to attend, as is being in significant discomfort for a fair length of time.

Of course it also depends on who's wedding it is and just how much discomfort and inconvenience it will cause you, but an expectation by the couple that they are worth you having a mostly miserable 72 hours to watch them get married and have a few hours of party after shows me that however much you may care for them, they don't care for their guests very much.

I was unable to attend one nephew's wedding, and won't be able to attend his brother's either, because they both live at the opposite end of the country to me and for me the journey would cause so much pain and exhaustion that I wouldn't be fit to attend after getting there let alone be able to face the journey home. But they understand, so would never expect that of me.

But presumably you wouldn’t find the wedding an inconvenience?

Im sure you'll have a lovely time though. Or you could sit at home and watch netflix

No. Absolutely not.
a) I love weddings
b) A destination wedding wouldn't be much of an inconvenience to me as I have the means to attend one, but I understand that it is often difficult for other people

Someone who likes weddings is rare on MN 😬

I would hope that when planning a wedding, the B&G would consider their parents the very least (although I know that isn’t always the case!)

@QuintadosMalvados It would be an instant removal from the guest list then! Everyone would be happy. Who wants a misery at their wedding anyway? DD actively wants fun happy people! We have got rid of the misery brigade and still got 190!

😁

I am and was at the time a supporter of the law Gyles Brandreth got passed in his time as an MP that allowed places other than churches and registry offices to be wedding venues. Indeed I think it is one of the few good things any Tory MP has ever done.

I wonder however if some places should not be licensed, if they are so remote and without local accommodation for those travelling a distance.

So what would you suggest? Licence granted only if every single guest lives within an arbitrary mile radius?

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta Most consider parents as they want parents to help pay!

Exactly 🤣

I find weddings pretty tedious so if the bride and groom make it difficult to attend then you can be sure as shit I'll not be going. So if its in the middle of nowhere, requires a multiple night stay, hours of travel (exception made if they're getting married where they live), is on a weekday, has some stupid dress code then its an easy decline.

Ooh i love a destination wedding

Agreed. My brother and his 1st wife hired a small castle for their wedding which was 45 mins drive from their town. So they put on a coach from the local town for the evening guests. Otherwise they’d have really struggled to get home, or had to pay for accomodation.

No, a requirement for the venue to provide transport or that there is accommodation if you are in a rural area. You licence the venue not the guest list.

@LlynTegid Quite honestly that’s ludicrous. There might not be coaches locally! What accommodation? Who would provide it? A new hotel in protected countryside or make a few peasants hand over their homes? People have choices about venues. If people are not interested, the bride and groom tend to know, and should not invite you. Or you decline the invitation. As for cutting out venues in, say Scotland or remote Wales!!! How ludicrous. Your dislike might be wonderful to other local people.

I understand how licencing works even if my wording was clumsy.

Given how hospitality is suffering right now, don’t you think it should be the responsibility of guests?

You can't be 100% sure that those still attending actually want to attend though so I wouldn't be too smug about it.
Inwardly they may be seeing it as a chore.

As for the misery comment, I don't think that it's necessarily miserable not to not want to attend weddings.
Also, I do find weddings actually work best with people of all personality types.

@QuintadosMalvados As they are overwhelmingly DDs friends and her fiancés, I think we do know! They are totally up for it. DD has been to loads of weddings so they are coming in return. I’m sure a few cannot make it but most will. If they don’t like it, they are free to get a taxi and go. Most have very good jobs and one night away from home is hardly an issue!

He was certainly being a good Tory by doing this by boosting businesses.

No judgement on that, just a fact.
It has made it a pain in the ass for the actual guests though and in a way lessened the meaning of marriage, too.

I'd have left it as it was. Church or register office. That's your choice.

No wonder nobody takes marriage seriously anymore, it's too flipping personalised.

People really need some reminder to see it as a solemn commitment or a legal formality.
I'm an atheist so the former doesn't apply to me.

It always amazes me just how many friends mumsnetters and mumsnetters' DC have. DD is sociable and has friends but wouldn't know 190 people to invite to a wedding, and neither would I. We also have a small family.

I had one once that was 45 miles from home, a four day affair and there was 0 phone signal or WiFi. It was okay for the actual wedding day, but either side of that it was really grating (not least because it was the champions league final on the day of the wedding 😒). It was okay for me, as I was in my early 20s and just drank for four days. But for the other guests I can imagine how annoyed you’d be!

You have no idea what they're thinking.
What's their jobs got to do with it?
It's still a pain in the ass to be away from home, regardless of job, unless you're a frequent flyer.

I attended a wedding recently where the parents of the bride were Oxbridge-educated professionals. I say this not to boast, but to refute what I perceive to be your claim that only the poor and stupid dislike weddings.

Believe me the mother-of-the-bride was not particularly happy about travelling 500 miles for the wedding.

Look I appreciate that best efforts have been made and that's laudable, however, as you're not a mind reader your claim that they all really, really want to attend is simply untrue.

This is really unkind. Not the decision to have a quiet abroad wedding, just the two of you (in the final analysis it’s your day), but to mockingly dismiss your MIL’s sadness. It’s a legitimate feeling to be disappointed and hurt to miss such a big moment in your son’s life. Again not to say you shouldn’t have done it, but I would have taken the time to explain to her, emphasis with her feelings and look for another way to involve her (did she want to host a party for your 1st anniversary say?)

Rural weddings with no transport or accommodation are an absolute pain.

We got married in London and people kept telling us how relaxing it was! It also meant we could have colleagues and cousins +1s etc as evening-only without feeling guilty as it was a tube journey. And they weren’t hanging around in Little Shroplington on the Weald or whatever waiting until 6pm.

I’ve seen rural weddings done really well by considerate friends who put on a bus to pick up and drop off at two hotels in the nearby town (one of which was a Premier Inn). You obviously didn’t have to stay at those two, but they let guests know on the invite that there would be a transport option from them.

I also know of a friend attending a wedding where the venue was in an actual ski restaurant most of the way up a mountain in the alps. There was a bubble lift up (so romantic!) but this would cease at 6pm. The only other way down was a windy road to be navigated by a cab (from the only cab company in the area, 30 miles away in a town with about 2 cars on it’s books). The bride’s uncle intervened and paid for a coach ‘as a wedding present’