To hate remote wedding venues with no overnight accommodation at them

[CurdinHenry]

Unless the wedding party provide a coach then it's fine

I wouldn’t go to any wedding ever, even my own, if tents were required!!

Admittedly, we had our reception in a rather mediocre hotel because it was so convenient for everyone. No-one had much money and it was important to us that everyone we wanted there could afford to come without it being too difficult logistically.

You can never just not go to a wedding it's always some Big Deal to say no sorry but this would be an intolerable pita

so why are you going?

I would have loved to go abroad or New York but because I was the first to marry out of my siblings at 40ish (eternally single DB) I felt guilty and kind of arranged things to suit my elderly dad and neighbours from home. We married in a venue where we currently live as it's midway between our two families and not far off a motorway. Accommodation onsite and loads nearby, ceremony and dinner in the same place. We had a great time actually, it was lovely to see everyone.

DB met someone over lockdown then and married a year or two later lol!

You don’t have to tell them the actual reason! But it is quite nasty to let them pay for a meal etc when you are resentful that it is not convenient for you

We had to pay £40 for a ten minute taxi Journey at 8pm because it was in the middle of nowhere. Still not over it. I also fed up of going to weddings where they don’t feed you for hours and all you get is a dried bit of chicken.

I would be tempted to respond "and I guess that I overestimated what my friendship meant to you if you are expecting me to sleep in a tent!"

Went to one like this last year. Had to take annual leave and leave my family just to go as its an old friend. As beautiful as it was I hated every second as I was just thinking about my flight to get home very early the next day. Didn't want to drink loads and be hungover. Spent the whole journey home really annoyed about all the money id spent

DD is getting married this summer in the church that she and her fiance attend every week and in which they are very involved. They don't want anything extravagant so they have booked a reception venue which is a bit out of the way (they have hired the hall and booked a caterer rather than using a traditional wedding venue). As an extended family we have booked hotel rooms near the church and will drive to the reception venue leaving one car at the hotel so that the other cars can be picked up the next morning. We will then leave the cars at the reception venue and book a minibus taxi back to the hotel.

My Mum's elderly neighbour ended up in a freezing yurt miles from anywhere the night before her granddaughter's wedding. It wasn't summer. Thankfully her son (not the father) decided they would leave after the wedding without spending another night with the rest of the party.

I agree. We had our wedding an hour from our home in a venue with accommodation consisting of 3 bedrooms only. What we did was book out the local hotel and every b&b in the area. We paid for anyone elderly / in the wedding party etc. It’s wrong to expect people to have to pay a lot to attend a wedding.

@magicstar1 It’s not wrong at all! It’s the norm now. Would you pay for flights? What about £200 a night? That could be £20,000! Just doesn’t happen. There might be nothing else cheaper. My DD has attended 35 ish weddings and paid for herself at every one! There’s either a list provided by the venue or Airbnbs.

Just get an airb&b

That's assuming there's enough Air B&Bs within a reasonable radius, say less than £50 each way for the taxi fare - again assuming there's enough local taxis for all the guests!

I worked out that the last long distance wedding I went to before my health got too bad cost me close on £1k with the travel costs, buying something to wear (I was MoH, but no help financially from the bride there), staying in the rather expensive venue, staying one night on the way there at a travel lodge as she "needed" me there by lunchtime the day before (live in the SE, wedding mid Scotland). Dunno about the rest of you, but that was my holiday and spending money for the year gone in 3 days. And that wasn't in a really out of the way destination.

Just because some people think it's the "norm" now doesn't mean it's right!

To have the expectation that attending your wedding is the most important thing in other people's lives is arrogant and selfish, and in the current economic situation very thoughtless. For many people even the cost of an AirB&B means they need to go into debt without high travel costs, then add in the expectation that you'll buy something new to wear possibly just to fit into a theme, and buy an expensive gift for the couple...

We’ve got our first destination wedding, have to go, and dreading the cost.

We had two coaches one back to my hometown and one to DH’s but there were a lot of guests who stayed over as there was accommodation available

You don't have to go.
No-one guilt trips me into spending money I can ill afford.
Why do you have to go?

Don't buy a gift and don't buy an expensive new outfit if you are forced to attend.

Yes, we do have to go for multiple reasons.

Could the people forcing you to go pay for some of the travel?

Nope. It’s a responsibility.
Thanks for your curiosity and effort to help but let’s not derail this thread further.

Here’s an idea. If you receive a wedding that doesn’t work for you (child free/distance/only being invited to the evening do etc) turn it down.

Then you don’t have to worry about going and the B&G can make sure that everyone who is there wants to be there.

We got married abroad, in the local mayors office. We were going on holiday and thought let’s see if we can get married whilst there. The holiday company, small local one were great, they looked into it, guided us, all straight forward-this was 30 odd years ago
We didnt tell our parents, my sister knew, she helped me choose a dress/shoes to take. I’m the youngest of 6 so my DF had already spent a tonne of money on 2 weddings for 2 of my Sisters.
I couldnt bear the fuss/attention of a traditional wedding so I was very happy
My DMIL has since said it upset her,not seeing us get married, oh dear-what a shame!

I dont mind driving country roads at night but when I've taken away off work, paying for a hotel room etc I would like to have a drink or 2 but I won't drive even if I've had 1 so it means either one of us doesn't drink or we have to pay for a taxi, which as pp have said can cause an issue when at 'back of beyond ' venues.

You shouldn't have gone to any of them if you are going to be snide about their choices. Hardly a joy to be around. You sound very "badly raised," & "selfish & crass".