To hate remote wedding venues with no overnight accommodation at them

[CurdinHenry]

Unless the wedding party provide a coach then it's fine

Agree it makes the end of the night a hassle! We attended a wedding last year at a gorgeous venue that was in the middle of nowhere, absolutely amazing and it did have I think 10 rooms on site but all reserved for family. The nearest hotels were 16 miles away in the nearest town so not a short journey, no bus put on, they did put a taxi number on the invites and recommended pre-booking because the taxi company only has a few cars (small town firm). I was pregnant so I just took our car but at the end of the night it was absolute chaos because only 2 taxi’s turned up for about 90 guests who all needed to get back to hotels in this town, the drivers did agree to come back and do a few trips but it was a 30 min drive to the town then back so an hour, the venue kicked everyone out at bang on midnight so lots of guests were sat outside waiting for hours.

This was the norm at almost all the weddings I went to 15/20 years ago.

Rural wedding, often at the bride or groom’s parents’ local church, followed by marquee or local barn. Transport provided between service and reception, or all in one place. Guests given a list of local taxi firms and local b&bs for pre & post wedding. No online booking back then either. It wasn’t a massive deal, you just rang up and booked both asap, ideally sharing cabs if possible.

Yes it could have been more convenient and did involve some expense and organising, but the weddings were always generous including plenty of food and drinks laid on, band/DJ etc which was perhaps only possible because they were being held “at home”.

Far prefer this to a destination wedding abroad or a weekday wedding requiring annual leave. And don’t get me started on the “dress colour code” nonsense that seems to exist now.

Agree. I'm so over weddings like this. If you don't have a car or you aren't confident driving on country roads at night it's a logistical pain in the backside. The amount of money and mental energy it takes up to get to these things is just too much. A member of my immediate family had a mid week, child free wedding in the middle of nowhere and I don't think they really appreciated how big of an ask it was.

It costs hundreds of quid to get to these back of beyond in the British isles efforts - at least if it were in Italy it would be easier to just say no!

Does anyone else remember, ooh, probably 30 years ago, when the norm for destination weddings (which weren't called that then) was that only the bride and groom went? It was basically the couple alone who went abroad somewhere, had a ceremony on a beach and basically the honeymoon all combined. No other guests. If anything you had a party as the 'reception' back in the UK when you came home. Bride might wear her dress again for that.

Definitely a worsening for me that this has now become the 'destination wedding' as we know it, where people are asked to use money and leave that would represent their summer family holiday, to go to a place of someone else's choice and pay through the nose for it.

Agree. I went to one where either people didn’t drink so they could drive home, or people had to leave early to get a taxi

Yes @CurdinHenry fair. I wonder if it was cheaper back then, train tickets definitely were reasonable if you booked way ahead, they have gone up hugely. Also I wasn’t single so at least b&b and taxi costs were always shared, and we earned well.

We had a London wedding (most friends were living in London then) and people did comment on how easy and convenient it was!

We also made sure our venue had lots of hotels close by and gave guests a list of them. Could also leave your car overnight at the venue

Ugh completely agree. A colleague had his wedding at a converted barn/farm outbuildings type of place, which seem to be springing up everywhere now. No accommodation, in the rural arse end of nowhere (funnily enough...).
We were reception only guests, and the wedding was in winter. Whilst the car park was fairly well lit, the path from it to the venue itself had zero lighting, and many guests nearly fell over trying to pick their way through the pitch black with their phone torches. Just a lack of thought for guests on the part of the venue.

I was invited to a destination one that involved staying 1 or 2 weeks in the same hotel as the bride & groom's and the wedding party.

I declined. It was £1000s.

The bride & groom had been together for about 12 years and had 4 DC.

Another one was a wedding in a castle in a city neither the bride & groom had any connection with that was about 130 miles from where they lived.

The marriage lasted about 2 years.

I'm astounded that this happens! We got married in the city we lived in 15 years ago, and how our guests would get there and where they could stay afterwards were amongst our top concerns when we were selecting our venue. Lots of our friends lived nearby, but the venue didn't have accommodation so we provided a list of nearby hotels for various budgets and provided a bus between the venue and the hotel that was most popular. I grew up in a town 20 miles away so we also provided a bus between there and the venue and back again at midnight that lots of people used. This was in a major city where there were taxis galore too. Why do people not do this anymore? Is it because hiring a bus has become too expensive?

Why is she baffled? Surely the 60 odd people who have declined told come have told her why?!

@ScotiaLassYes it’s expensive and you pay more for a late night! People value different things. Our venue has a list of hotels and taxis if people want to leave earlier. We also have more food in the evening and free drinks all night. All of this costs a lot of money and some people want the look of the do without the funds to back it up. I know how much we are all spending for a wedding that certainly is about the guests! Lots of people just don’t have the funds and are quite self centred. Put on a good do and people will come.

Yes, multiple people from both sides of the family. She won't listen and is adamant on ploughing ahead. It's her wedding to do as she likes but I don't think it's going to be the insta fest she thinks it's going to be. She wants it child free because she doesn't want children spoiling the photos by pulling faces/ crying or not standing nicely.

She is very self centred. She cannot understand why no-one wants to drive all that way. She also doesn't understand why no-one wants to leave their babies (some less than 9 months old) overnight and be more than 3 hours away from them to attend her wedding. Multiple family members on both sides have told her. She has refused to budge on anything.

One wedding we were invited to was held in a posh, out of town .hotel. But the couple put on an old bus to take guests from church to venue. All was good until drinks were bought by the guests and it became apparent that it would be a crippling cost to stay for the whole evening. It was a very posh hotel and a glass of wine was almost £10 and this was 16 years ago. So a lot of the guests got together and booked large taxis to take them all into town for the evening The couple were aghast to see their guests leave but couldnt do anything about it

Taught the couples who were planning their own weddings a lesson though. Mates and a good party is what matters not how posh the fountain is if you pay the price in the drinks bill . Nobody wants an empty dance floor at their party.

I get that people value different things and that influences how they spend money on their wedding. I just always assumed that one thing that every bride and groom would think about is how guests could get there, enjoy the party and not be massively inconvenienced afterwards. When we looked at each venue we were thinking how would people get there and back, what accommodation options were there and how affordable were they. We ruled out quite a few beautiful rural venues on the basis of there not being enough rooms onsite/nearby to accommodate our guests. I get why putting on buses are not an option if they've become very expensive (that's certainly what I hear from the school when they are organising trips), but why book somewhere in the middle of nowhere with no accommodation nearby?

Can’t say it bothers me personally, weddings aren’t an every month occurrence, it’s once in a while and always nice to have a weekend away.

I’m happy to attend most places and think couples should think about themselves on their own wedding day.

I actually think a reasonable number of couples don’t think about how they are hosting guests, and don’t think about the guests’ day much. That’s why you end up at weddings where you spend ages standing around with no food or drink while the couple take pictures - they haven’t considered “what will our guests be doing”. Or restrictive dress codes like the thread I saw yesterday where guests all had to wear black.

I think sometimes people get carried away and forget what their choices can mean for guests.

If someone grew up in a remote location, then I don’t think it’s unreasonable for them to want to get married there. But if people just pick a remote location because they want the ‘wow’ factor, I think they should perhaps give more consideration to how much people might feel obliged to spend that they maybe can’t really afford to be there. They also should be realistic about the chances of people not being able to attend.

I would have loved to get married in a remote rural location that I have a connection to, but it was more important to me to have as many of the people that matter to me there. We got married in a city that was within a couple of hours travel for most of our friends/family, so it would be possible to do in a day for people with pets, or with just one night away. There are a lot of beautiful venues that are easily accessed with public transport links.

Best description of a wedding ever.

@ScotiaLass It surely depends where you come from and the vibe of the wedding? Hotels for weddings are not everywhere! We have no sleeping on site but guests have 3 or 4 hotels to choose from within 3 miles, plus Airbnb properties, and none are expensive. Many people have found this acceptable and have 12 hours worth of food, drink and entertainment as well as an amazing venue. Weddings cost a lot but many will cut costs and have a preference for an expensive dress and other less necessary extras. It’s possible to centre the party and venue on guests. If 60 aren’t coming to a wedding, it’s seen as a “destination” wedding. Our venue doesn’t have a close railway station but guests can use taxis to a mainline station if they wish. Most I think will drive. We have hardly any relatives so luckily no issues with them. The guests are overwhelmingly young and have decent money. This type of wedding is not unusual to them. Our friends are not poor either so everyone can afford a hotel for the night and a free bus!

I hope when people who have weddings in remote places, or overseas even have the experience when they are older of being invited to somewhere they cannot afford to get to or are unable to manage to do so. Or find it difficult to.
They too will get the message.

I guess the problem is, a coach from where? We had a rural wedding venue. We live in the countryside, not in a town. There was a pub and hotel opposite, but not everyone wanted to or could fit there. They had maybe 20-30 rooms. We had 60 people at our wedding. We couldn’t dictate where people chose to stay. Some stayed at the hotel. Some stayed in a town about 20 minutes away. Some stayed in holiday cottages 15 minutes in the other direction. Some had caring responsibilities and drove 2 hours home that night.

That said, I’ve attended many rural weddings and never had any trouble getting a taxi or being sober and leaving at a reasonable time to drive home. It doesn’t really matter if you can drunkenly get yourself on a coach at the end of the night if you still can’t drive yourself home or to your accommodation after.