To hate remote wedding venues with no overnight accommodation at them

[CurdinHenry]

Unless the wedding party provide a coach then it's fine

Probably been said already, but a remote location and under catering is an appalling combination.
I went to one once down where the venue was down the side of a cliff, there was no mobile signal and no phone line. You had to walk up to the top in the rain and call a cab and wait for it outside. Pissing down it was.
And it wasn't a hotel, so all the guests were having to get transport.

I was once served cucumber slices and cucumber flavoured ice as my starter, my main was then a boiled slice of cauliflower.

We kind of HAD to go to the wedding DH was asked to be best man for … I mean, I’m good at saying no to things, but even I couldn’t work out a nice way to say no to that!

Jeez. I bet that made you pee.
Talking of peeing, I did go to a wedding 25 miles away where the couple had very thoughtfully put on a coach for the guests, however, there was no loo on it.

It was a nice wedding but all I really remember is everybody being desperate to pee after drinking!

I was the last stop, too. Lol.

Years ago everything was local. So the church or registry office you normally went to and reception afterwards in various hotels nearby . It's nice that you now have the option of different venues for the ceremony . But receptions that are difficult to get to or uncomfortable are not great .

Friend went to wedding where the ceremony was in local church but the reception was almost two hours away . So most people obviously had to stay . It was a beautiful place with the price to match . Such a long day for everyone especially older relatives .

Recently helping in planning a wedding in the family . Couple have been together years , really wanted low key and most of all convienant . All within the area of where the majority of guests live . So low transport costs for guests and on a Saturday so no taking annual leave . Perfect . Majority can go home when they want to .

A wedding is your special day . But if you want to share it with others then you should take them into consideration. Your Insta moment is not really appreciated by most people . Food , drink , music is what makes a wedding people will remember.

I love a wedding and delighted to be invited by people I care for. I can make it work at the chosen venue.

indont get all the whinging on here, it’s so mean spirited.

I thought about it too much, I wish I'd gone slightly further afield - we are talking probably half an hour max from the town the majority of family were coming from with abundant taxis but not helped by my mother being adamant that if I did that I'd have to put on a coach, I wish i hadn't listened to her (but that's a general regret in life to be honest!!). It was an ok venue but there were much nicer ones not that much further away.

It feels like you are being deliberately obtuse on this thread.
There are obviously certain wedding invites that feel more of an obligation than others and you know that there will be a whole host of shit coming your way if you decline.
Some people are uncomfortable saying that they can't afford to pay for 2 nights in a country house hotel, or the taxis back to the closest accommodation, particularly if they are close to the couple who are getting married.
Expecting your guests to find iro £1k just to attend your wedding is completely unreasonable and selfish, especially the guests who feel they can't decline the invite without upsetting you.

That's beside the point.

If you want people to attend it is on you to choose a venue that is easy to get to and not too expensive for your guests.

You have no right to get upset if guests decline to attend if you choose to have a child free destination wedding in the middle of the week during term time.

Why am I being ‘deliberately obtuse’?

I am curious about all the people on here who can’t turn down a wedding invitation (or even worse, an invitation to be in the wedding party) even though it’s not convenient to attend.

If you are close enough to the people having the wedding, most normal people will understand that not everyone can attend. And if the B&G kick off then they are showing they are arseholes. Because I accept some are insta-obsessed, vacuous idiots.

But if you decide to accept the invitation, then don’t complain that you ‘have to go’ and that the B&G are unreasonable.

It’s unreasonable to get upset when people decline it, just as it’s unreasonable to take an invitation as a personal affront because it doesn’t suit you.

I feel that your posts say a lot about your family. My family would be disappointed but not offended if for any reason we couldn't attend a family wedding.

Those of us saying it isn't a summons probably have a family like mine. Also, both DH's and my family know perfectly well that guilt tripping us doesn't work.

So, in answer to your post I never feel that I have to attend a wedding, and several other posters agree with me.

I agree completely. It wouldn’t be a big deal with the people I know.

Well if you're the parents of the bride or groom it can be problematic.

Try reading the original OP and a few other comments.

We aren't talking about a couple of hours away, we're talking about in the wilds of nowhere the other end of the country in some cases. South East to Scotland is about 8 hours driving, so by the time you get there you wouldn't really feel up for a wedding that day even if you did get up at silly O'clock to get there in time. If the wedding is on a Saturday, you need Friday off work to travel. Any other day of the week it's 2 or even 3 days off, and the price of the venue is much cheaper so many couples are going for that now.

I think people will sort things out if they want to go. Some people won’t want to bother, so they don’t go.

Or possibly can't justify the very large cost of going!

It’s pretty much never ever nice to sit outside for an hour or more at midnight waiting for a cab to take you 40 minutes to your expensive hotel. Even if you only do that once it’s a shit memory that sticks with you.

If attending a wedding involves taking time off work , depending on venue it could 3 days . So day 1 to travel as wedding day 2 is too early and leaving no room for error, day 3 to travel home . Three days annual leave or three days lost wages .If you choose a weekend , then flights, accomodation are more expensive. With planning , a family wedding can include family vacation. But it is quite a big ask for friends , colleagues especially if child free as not easy to get your kids looked after for that long .

I have no strong feelings either way as it is totally up to the couple but what is unfair is if the couple are unhappy with those who decline to attend .

Good for you I feel differently

Feel how you like.
I'm as positive as I can be that IF (not that they necessarily would) anybody here who got on reasonably well with their close family members refused to go to their wedding for no good flipping reason it would be an issue.

I can't even believe I'm saying this: it's so obviously true.

It's an important occasion and most people would be seriously miffed if their parent/child/sibling etc refused the invite for no flipping good reason.

Totally agree. Obviously there are some weddings people have to attend.
Oh yeah sure they can be refused but not without causing issues.
As you say, obtuse.

for no good flipping reason

That's different. I have missed a handful of family weddings, but had very good reasons as to why, so no-one got upset.

Unlike what feels like most mumsnetters I love a wedding. Both of our families have had pretty informal weddings. No narcissism, no expensive hen/stag dos, no coachloads of bridesmaids. Just a good old family get together with no-one falling out with each other.

@QuintadosMalvados We’ve taken the option away. People who are not interested in DD, and never have been, are not invited and thats 2 aunts and some cousins who definitely would not come anyway. We also have small families and it’s therefore not a family wedding. Makes life easier!

Invite who you see regularly and people whose company you enjoy and won’t give you grief. DH and me have invited God parents who have stayed in touch. Other friends who have dc who married, but we were not invited to their weddings, are not invited. So ratio is around 30 relatives/friends of the 2 sets of parents and 160 friends of bride and groom. It’s a curated list so people probably won’t refuse. They need 1 night in a modest hotel and don’t need to spend £1000 as coaches are provided. Editorial photos are pre ceremony and the day is firmly around entertaining guests.

OK. Well unless it is within 20 miles of the house I don't want to go.
If I can't be back home by 9pm, I don't want to go.

I don't like weddings and although it is an invite if it's from certain people it is most definitely a summons from others like jury service because refusing to attend without good reason is not on.

So yes maybe I'm miserable about them - I'll own that but thank you for understanding that to some people it is a summons simply because for some it's unwanted and yet must be attended. Like jury service.

So you would attend your child’s wedding reluctantly because it’s inconvenient?

I know this wasn't aimed at me, but if DD got married there is no way I wouldn't want to be there.