Page 3 | AIBU to feel uneasy about MIL wanting one-to-one time with baby?

Mamibaba · 2026-05-02T15:54:36+00:00

I only saw MIL twice in the three years before baby was born even though we live in the same town. Didn’t see her whilst pregnant but she expects to now have access to baby and one to one time. Is it right that I don’t feel comfortable with that as I don’t feel I know her wel enough.

Growingasaperson · 03/05/2026 12:43

ThisHazelPombear · 03/05/2026 12:39

Massive red flag your partner doesn’t have a close relationship with her. If she failed as a parent she’ll fail as a grandma too.

You can’t just leave babies with someone because they share dna.

Also this. Massive red flag. 🚩 if they aren’t good parents they aren’t good grandparents in my experience.

JustGiveMeReason · 03/05/2026 12:56

Mamibaba · 03/05/2026 11:45

Baby is now 8 months. Partner has never taken her to see his mother I have taken her a few times (with his blessing)

Again.
Pretty crucial information that you should have put in the OP.

Benio · 03/05/2026 12:56

Would you know who else would be in or visiting the house or where / who your MIL would be taking your baby to visit.

No.

mondaytosunday · 03/05/2026 13:46

So what is she asking exactly? You have not said what.

Middleagedspreadisreal · 03/05/2026 18:41

Growingasaperson · 03/05/2026 12:43

Also this. Massive red flag. 🚩 if they aren’t good parents they aren’t good grandparents in my experience.

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That's not true at all! Most parents are much better grandparents than parents. They haven't got the same stresses and they have, usually, learnt from their mistakes

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 03/05/2026 18:53

Miranda65 · 02/05/2026 16:58

But surely your partner/husband knows her well enough? The baby is his child too!

Right, but he didn't grow the baby, he doesn't have the hormonal effects of pregnancy or breastfeeding, and he's almost certainly not on leave as the primary carer.

There is no species on the planet that leaves its young with barely-known other adults for a reason. Grandma doesn't get to skip building trust and bonding with the baby's primary carer.

It's fucking rude if nothing else.

(And my ILs met my son before my parents and babysat him first at five months, so anyone thinking I didn't let my ILs get a look in can get to fuck.)

LHP118 · 03/05/2026 18:58

There seems to be this who group of people who don't consider their children's partners as family or important. But their grandchildren are blood.

This is also personal experience.

How are your parents with your OH. How is the interaction with your child...

pomers · 03/05/2026 20:05

You are not comfortable with this, say no

Atsocta · 03/05/2026 20:43

ChristAliveHelp · 02/05/2026 17:00

How can she be a stranger when she brought her husband up?

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The baby wouldn’t know her …

cupfinalchaos · 03/05/2026 21:03

Miranda65 · 02/05/2026 16:58

But surely your partner/husband knows her well enough? The baby is his child too!

This.

forest4thetrees · 03/05/2026 21:28

It sounds like you don't know her well enough to leave baby alone with her. My advice would be to always stay with your child at visits. I learned the hard way and my adult son suffers greatly for my misplaced trust. There are all kinds of parents, all levels of intelligence and care, and that doesn't change with age (grandparent). Years ago, I assumed that my new mil was responsible, when I was persuaded by husband to let her have "alone time". Baby was my 4th child, (3 kids in first marriage.) She didn't have him too often, an hour or two a few times a month. However, tragedy occurred before he turned 2-- she had a habit (Unbeknownst to Me!) of leaving prescription medication out on low tables to be taken later in day (done in both her 2 homes). On top of that, my son wasn't being supervised obviously and ingested. He was poisoned and is now deaf in one ear. When he became sick att, we didn't know what was wrong. The hospital did not test even though their report stated suspected poisoning in medical terminology. We left thinking virus or allergy even though symptoms (skin, head swelling) were so horrible. We discovered his hearing loss later that year, (had full hearing at birth) and after much "forensics"- one rx drug at her home was the clear cause. Several years after this event, I discovered rx drugs out again right next to my son on another low table. (I was visiting at her Other home). We picked them up, and she went ballistic at US! The relationship ended, (her insistence) but she reconnected with her son, my husband, a few years later. (I alone, conveniently, was her enemy "for accusing her and not apologizing" and was estranged for 15 years up to her death). Actually I never accused her to her face, her son suggested it was on a list of possibilities. Of course my regret and sadness (and anger!) is intense....but clearly she was a very flawed and stupid person- wish I had known it upfront and had never been so trusting! I thought the love of a grandparent would be enough, and she had raised 3 kids herself. Upon joining the family, I was warned about her personality etc, but I never dreamed she was a narcissistic idiot.

DeadSpace3 · 03/05/2026 21:49

Why does she want 1 to 1 with a baby? That's just as weird as #@<% IMHO.

Pessismistic · 03/05/2026 22:00

Definitely no from me your child doesn’t know her and she doesn’t know your child it’s a bit late in the day for being granny of the year. Go with your gut.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 03/05/2026 22:25

I wouldn’t let her drive my car let alone have my baby! YNBU.

FoldThreePiece · 03/05/2026 22:32

It would be a big no from me, no matter our relationship. The baby is your baby, not hers.
Its so weird, but often posted on Mumsnet

Applett · 03/05/2026 23:27

Absolutely not.
Only on MN do I read such batshit stories.

I would wonder why you have gotten involved with her at all.
It is really strange that she would ask.
What are your own boundaries like that you would have to ask this and that you don't think it is not normal?
Your partner didn't have a good relationship with her, you barely know her, and this is even a question?

Give your head a wobble and protect your baby.
I wouldn't be getting involved with her at all.

Don't be one of those silly women who thinks they know better than their partner about his family.

Red flags all over the fact that he didn't have a good relationship and left home as a teenager, and to be honest its a bit red flag that you are entertaining this at all.

Respect his position and follow his lead with his family.

MyCottageGarden · 03/05/2026 23:57

Nearly50omg · 02/05/2026 16:57

YOU are the baby’s mother not mil and if mil wants to visit BOTH of you then that is what you need to consider but he’ll no to the one on one time!

And OP’s DH is the baby’s father and this woman is his mother ffs! Not a stranger. The baby’s mother does not have anymore say than what the father has ffs

MyCottageGarden · 03/05/2026 23:58

forest4thetrees · 03/05/2026 21:28

It sounds like you don't know her well enough to leave baby alone with her. My advice would be to always stay with your child at visits. I learned the hard way and my adult son suffers greatly for my misplaced trust. There are all kinds of parents, all levels of intelligence and care, and that doesn't change with age (grandparent). Years ago, I assumed that my new mil was responsible, when I was persuaded by husband to let her have "alone time". Baby was my 4th child, (3 kids in first marriage.) She didn't have him too often, an hour or two a few times a month. However, tragedy occurred before he turned 2-- she had a habit (Unbeknownst to Me!) of leaving prescription medication out on low tables to be taken later in day (done in both her 2 homes). On top of that, my son wasn't being supervised obviously and ingested. He was poisoned and is now deaf in one ear. When he became sick att, we didn't know what was wrong. The hospital did not test even though their report stated suspected poisoning in medical terminology. We left thinking virus or allergy even though symptoms (skin, head swelling) were so horrible. We discovered his hearing loss later that year, (had full hearing at birth) and after much "forensics"- one rx drug at her home was the clear cause. Several years after this event, I discovered rx drugs out again right next to my son on another low table. (I was visiting at her Other home). We picked them up, and she went ballistic at US! The relationship ended, (her insistence) but she reconnected with her son, my husband, a few years later. (I alone, conveniently, was her enemy "for accusing her and not apologizing" and was estranged for 15 years up to her death). Actually I never accused her to her face, her son suggested it was on a list of possibilities. Of course my regret and sadness (and anger!) is intense....but clearly she was a very flawed and stupid person- wish I had known it upfront and had never been so trusting! I thought the love of a grandparent would be enough, and she had raised 3 kids herself. Upon joining the family, I was warned about her personality etc, but I never dreamed she was a narcissistic idiot.

Why does OP need to know her? Her husband has 50% say over who the baby sees and this is his mother not the bloody next door neighbour

spstchmu · 04/05/2026 00:01

S0j0urn4r · 02/05/2026 16:56

She's practically a stranger by the sound of it. So YANBU.

I mean everyone is to the baby. Its the grandparents right? Unless there's a specific reason or drip feed, I don't understand the problem

bigboykitty · 04/05/2026 00:03

Just say no. No explanation. No excuses. Just no.

Shallotsaresmallonions · 04/05/2026 05:45

MyCottageGarden · 03/05/2026 23:57

And OP’s DH is the baby’s father and this woman is his mother ffs! Not a stranger. The baby’s mother does not have anymore say than what the father has ffs

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Either parent should be able to veto leaving the baby alone with a person they're not comfortable with.

Mil can spend time with the baby with a parent present. There's no need for private one-to-one time.

TheBlueKoala · 04/05/2026 05:51

Middleagedspreadisreal · 03/05/2026 18:41

That's not true at all! Most parents are much better grandparents than parents. They haven't got the same stresses and they have, usually, learnt from their mistakes

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Did you read the updates? Mil wasn't able to care for her son so her grands-parents raised him. This is highly unusual and def a red flag.

@Mamibaba You are being nice just letting her see the baby since she didn't make any effort to see you before and her son doesn't want to see her. Keep your guard up- I wouldn't even leave my baby with this woman for 5 minutes. Tbh I wouldn't even have visited her with baby since she fucked up with her own son. You are being kind and now she's pushing boundaries. I would go very very lc.

TheBlueKoala · 04/05/2026 05:57

MyCottageGarden · 03/05/2026 23:58

Why does OP need to know her? Her husband has 50% say over who the baby sees and this is his mother not the bloody next door neighbour

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Read updates. Husband has no relationship with his mother- she didn't raise him and he never takes the baby to see her. OP os trying to be kind to this woman she has met a few times and who is now wanting baby on her own having forgot she wasn't able to care for the baby she had; OPs dh.

S0j0urn4r · 04/05/2026 09:37

ChristAliveHelp · 02/05/2026 17:00

How can she be a stranger when she brought her husband up?

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She didn't.

Brokeandold · 04/05/2026 12:12

A big ole No from me- your baby not hers