Friend’s awful dress and my reaction

[SummerFate]

A friend is mine is quite heavily into fashion and spends a lot on clothes. Some of her choices are quite bold and not necessarily what I would pick, but she has a good figure and is quite distinctive looking, so can generally pull off something a bit more “out there”.

However, yesterday she showed me the dress she has spent a fortune on for an event - and it’s hideous. Not “not to my taste” - objectively hideous. And my face reacted before my brain could tell it to keep quiet.

She could tell immediately that I thought it was awful and she looked really upset. She said straight out, “You hate it, don’t you?”, and while I tried to say it just wasn’t my personal cup of tea, it was too late. It was obvious I hated it. I said we all have different tastes, what suits her wouldn’t suit me and that I’ve seen things look amazing on her that I could never wear, but the rest of the evening was really awkward.

I’ve messaged this morning saying I’m sorry if I upset her and that I didn’t mean to, and that she shouldn’t let what I think affect her choice. She hasn’t replied.

How do I fix this? Do I just hope it blows over? I know I should have tried to hide my thoughts, but when she said she’d spent twice what I pay a month for my mortgage, I was expecting something amazing - I just couldn’t hide my reaction when I saw this monstrosity.

You're probably right, but the sad thing is that we are not laughing and groaning at OP's friend, but at that particular dress, so there's no need for her to be upset or offended. She likes it and can possibly carry it off, who knows, but many people who see that dress - designed by so called experts in their field and sold for humungous amounts of money - will gasp with horror.

You are 100% correct! That is hideous. Worse than I guessed at 😂

Reminiscent of my bridesmaid dress from the very late 80’s

Oh dear.. i’m afraid I’d struggle to keep a straight face

It’s a friend’s job to point out that something could be an expensive mistake. If I got that reaction i’d take it on board and ask some other people what they thought. Then I’d have a rethink if they all hated it

Hahaha reminds me of the Balenciaga trash bag dress memes

That’s a tough look to carry off. Why would anyone put themselves through it. You can’t help your face OP. You said the right things and apologised for your unintentional initial reaction. Your friend shouldn’t ask for opinions if all she wants is yes people.

You have apologised for not being able to hide what you thought of the dress and for hurting her feelings.

Always a bad idea to buy, then ask. Best to ask before buying.

But she is used to buying things a little unusual. And can carry them off. Why she is so heartbroken you dislike it I am not sure.

I actually don't think you've done anything wrong. If she dresses "out there" she surely already knows that some of her choices aren't going to be to other people's taste.

People that ask for opinions from others and then are upset when they hear them are a personal bugbear of mine.

Ok, your face gave your thoughts away before you could say something diplomatic but that's not the crime of the century and you've apologised. She's being juvenile ignoring you and I wouldn't continue to apologise to her. Just leave the ball in her court.

It's actually on sale for the princely sum of £2000 😂

Your friends being ridiculous. You don't like a dress she does. That's it. You've not said you don't like a character trait, her first born, or even an aspect of her appearance. Its one dress.
She must have a very fragile ego if that upsets her so badly.
Although I would suspect that what's upset her is that you're typically in the role of admiring friend, making her feel good by oohing and aahing over how great everything is, and this time you accidently went rogue. To punish you with the silent treatment is bad form. Don't pander to it. You're not at fault here.

You know this is exactly the kind of thread that Mail Online etc will put on their sites so good luck with the fallout when that happens OP.

Sorry but what a dick move to share the dress and story on a massive website like Mumsnet if your friend is generally a nice person you wouldn’t want to upset.

ahhh that exactly it - I wondered why it felt familiar. Defo 1980s bridesmaid!

I'm curious to know where she's planning to wear this? I think if I'd seen it I would have thought it was for a fancy dress do😀
I've seen some dresses on S&B which I would never dream of wearing and not to my taste at all, but I don't think any came near to what this one looks like!

I wanna know what shoes she wore with it!

I hope she accessorises it with white stilettos, white lacy fingerless gloves and white plastic jewellery.. just like I did when I wore a similar dress as a bridesmaid in 1984!

Can't believe it was previously for sale for over 3 grand.
It looks like something eddie from absolutely fabulous would have worn.

I suppose your friend' s reaction to your face might depend on whether she was really asking ypur opinion or whether she was more showing off the dress.

TBH every time someone posts a link of clothing on here - especially sandals - I think they have lost their mind, especially when I see the price 😶‍🌫️
Mumsnet has eclectic taste at the best of times - we might love it 😁

@SummerFate this reminds me Jayden Smith Will Smith's son since he became a brand ambassador for LV carrying around ridiculous "handbags" in the name of fashion 😂

friend in the very loosest sense of the word

@Tikitaka20 "Maybe just be a kinder friend and support her choices to wear what she wants? Your friend’s self-esteem might be quite bruised now. Was it worth contributing to that?"

Oh for Christ sake. The OP didn't blurt out "fuck me I'd rather sever my own head than wear that" did she. She looked rather shocked when confronted with an (undoubtedly) weird and ghastly dress. Which apparently cost twice the OP's monthly mortgage just to add to the reaction. Are we all supposed to suppress the teeniest hint of natural emotion throughout our entire lives for fear of bruising the egos of friends, family, colleagues? Whereas I agree with trying to be diplomatic and kind wherever possible, I can't imagine a world in which we are required to limit our facial expressions to robotic levels. Or, as flesh and blood, how that would even be possible without surgery. And how about the supposedly "good friend" understanding that the OP really didn't like the dress and couldn't hide it. Woudn't that equally be the mark of true friendship, instread of stropping off and refusing to speak to her. What about the OP's self esteem.

Wow, that IS ‘objectively hideous. Like ham slices met the 80s and chintz.

It’d be great as a theatre costume

It's a fabulous dress. I'd wear it

To add, this is $47k 😂

OMG my face would have been a picture too. That really is the most horrible dress ever. Well not quite. I saw the devil wears prada 2 this morning and Miranda was wearing a curtain tassel jacket that should have been set on fire.