Page 38 | Friend’s awful dress and my reaction

browneyes77 · 05/05/2026 15:09

Poppyfie1ds · 05/05/2026 14:54

You don’t have to like the dress or understand the dress or ‘get’ what would possess someone to spend thousands on the dress, to show unconditional positive regard for your friend by smiling at the that brings her joy. Doesn’t matter if it’s designer or from shein. Response should be positive. People hang out with their friends because they leave us feeling happier, and they share our triumphs and tribulations with a matched level of joy or despair.

No one has said you have to like the dress yourself. An unexpected hairstyle is the perfect example because yes, even if your friend had shaved her head, you’d still have to put on a smile and be positive, showing curiosity rather than judgement. If you can’t manage an automatic positive face as your default reaction to your friends at all times, you should probably be practising.

This is really basic stuff. In polite conversation with loved ones if you don’t like what you’re being presented with, or you can’t agree with it, you find the one thing that you can sound positive about. How the lack of hair really shows off their beautiful cheekbones and how jealous you are about them not having to spend half an hour in the morning doing their hair like you have to. Good natured positive stuff.

Wth the dress, most people would be able to say that the fabric is beautiful all that the colour really suits her or what a steal if she got it half price. With these sort of superficial things, there’s always positives to be found.

It’s always positive positive positive first. Afterwards, then you can start with gentle discouragement if you genuinely think it’s necessary, but from a non-personal point of view.

So you might suggest that going out to do the school run that dress might not be a good idea because the other Mum’s might make fun out of her wearing a formal gown - you don’t say because you think the dress is hideous. If she’s got a reasonable figure, is styling the dress properly and is wearing it in a high-end environment, there’s no reason she wouldn’t be able to rock that dress and why others wouldn’t like the dress on your friend.

Of course you might think what I’m saying is absolute nonsense and that you’re absolutely right about this situation on all points - the dress is horrible, your reaction was right. Fine.

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Good grief.

What a load of waffle.

People are human. And no matter how much you want to create a robotically prepared face, it doesn’t stop your face accidentally changing when you’re met with something you really weren’t expecting.

My DP has told me I’ve rolled my eyes at him, and I hadn’t even realised I’d done it. It’s called an involuntary reflex. And they’re generally hard to control, which is why they are named as such.

Anyone would think OP had stabbed her friend, the way some of you are carrying on.

She made a (human and normal) mistake. She messaged her friend to apologise. There isn’t really much else she can do.

Friend can accept the apology and understand that no malice was intended, or be a drama llama, like some of you on here.

MargoChanningsglass · 05/05/2026 15:13

Poppyfie1ds · 05/05/2026 14:54

You don’t have to like the dress or understand the dress or ‘get’ what would possess someone to spend thousands on the dress, to show unconditional positive regard for your friend by smiling at the that brings her joy. Doesn’t matter if it’s designer or from shein. Response should be positive. People hang out with their friends because they leave us feeling happier, and they share our triumphs and tribulations with a matched level of joy or despair.

No one has said you have to like the dress yourself. An unexpected hairstyle is the perfect example because yes, even if your friend had shaved her head, you’d still have to put on a smile and be positive, showing curiosity rather than judgement. If you can’t manage an automatic positive face as your default reaction to your friends at all times, you should probably be practising.

This is really basic stuff. In polite conversation with loved ones if you don’t like what you’re being presented with, or you can’t agree with it, you find the one thing that you can sound positive about. How the lack of hair really shows off their beautiful cheekbones and how jealous you are about them not having to spend half an hour in the morning doing their hair like you have to. Good natured positive stuff.

Wth the dress, most people would be able to say that the fabric is beautiful all that the colour really suits her or what a steal if she got it half price. With these sort of superficial things, there’s always positives to be found.

It’s always positive positive positive first. Afterwards, then you can start with gentle discouragement if you genuinely think it’s necessary, but from a non-personal point of view.

So you might suggest that going out to do the school run that dress might not be a good idea because the other Mum’s might make fun out of her wearing a formal gown - you don’t say because you think the dress is hideous. If she’s got a reasonable figure, is styling the dress properly and is wearing it in a high-end environment, there’s no reason she wouldn’t be able to rock that dress and why others wouldn’t like the dress on your friend.

Of course you might think what I’m saying is absolute nonsense and that you’re absolutely right about this situation on all points - the dress is horrible, your reaction was right. Fine.

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Eh?

Original poster

SummerFate · 05/05/2026 15:14

If she cared about that, she might not have been so incredibly rude to people who tried to answer her initial question - How do I fix this?

In nearly 38 pages, I’ve had perfectly polite discussions with people who have disagreed with me, misunderstood certain points, asked for more detail or added explanation, made me repeat things I’ve explained already…

But yes, I have fought back when people like you and your little mate have called me a liar, a shit friend, a troll, made bizarre accusations of “cowardice”, given and withdrawn apologies that were never really apologies, ignored the fact that the thread was about a spontaneous reaction and demanded to know why I didn’t react differently and more. I think that’s natural. Where is your ire for people doing that in the first place? Why is that fine, but my behaviour is so tewibbly, tewibbly wuuuude?

OP posts:

RobinEllacotStrike · 05/05/2026 15:16

nam3c4ang3 · 05/05/2026 13:05

… but what is there is nothing positive about the dress?! As in ZERO.

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does it have pockets?

MargoChanningsglass · 05/05/2026 15:24

RobinEllacotStrike · 05/05/2026 15:16

does it have pockets?

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🤣🤣🤣🤣

I remember Countess Luanne de Lessops saying Even Louis Vuitton makes mistakes

Prime example with that overblown coral convection pockets or pocketless

RobinEllacotStrike · 05/05/2026 15:29

Poppyfie1ds · 05/05/2026 14:54

You don’t have to like the dress or understand the dress or ‘get’ what would possess someone to spend thousands on the dress, to show unconditional positive regard for your friend by smiling at the that brings her joy. Doesn’t matter if it’s designer or from shein. Response should be positive. People hang out with their friends because they leave us feeling happier, and they share our triumphs and tribulations with a matched level of joy or despair.

No one has said you have to like the dress yourself. An unexpected hairstyle is the perfect example because yes, even if your friend had shaved her head, you’d still have to put on a smile and be positive, showing curiosity rather than judgement. If you can’t manage an automatic positive face as your default reaction to your friends at all times, you should probably be practising.

This is really basic stuff. In polite conversation with loved ones if you don’t like what you’re being presented with, or you can’t agree with it, you find the one thing that you can sound positive about. How the lack of hair really shows off their beautiful cheekbones and how jealous you are about them not having to spend half an hour in the morning doing their hair like you have to. Good natured positive stuff.

Wth the dress, most people would be able to say that the fabric is beautiful all that the colour really suits her or what a steal if she got it half price. With these sort of superficial things, there’s always positives to be found.

It’s always positive positive positive first. Afterwards, then you can start with gentle discouragement if you genuinely think it’s necessary, but from a non-personal point of view.

So you might suggest that going out to do the school run that dress might not be a good idea because the other Mum’s might make fun out of her wearing a formal gown - you don’t say because you think the dress is hideous. If she’s got a reasonable figure, is styling the dress properly and is wearing it in a high-end environment, there’s no reason she wouldn’t be able to rock that dress and why others wouldn’t like the dress on your friend.

Of course you might think what I’m saying is absolute nonsense and that you’re absolutely right about this situation on all points - the dress is horrible, your reaction was right. Fine.

Show quote history

the thing I love about my friends is that they are honest with me even when our opinions differ.

I do not persue friendships with people who "smile & nod" while hiding their true feelings even when I expressly ask for their opinions. If I didn't want their opinion I wouldn't ask. And I respect the views of a few friends who would say, even if not asked "FFS you're not actually going to wear that monstrosity are you?" and I'd laugh and say yes I am. In future years over a Negroni my dear friend would say "remember when you paid £2k for that half price hideious D&G ruffled fire hazzard and wore it to the party" and we would both roll around laughing.

I certainly don't recognise this "beclown yourself with lies, tell yourself its kindness and everyone who doesn't obey the rules of showing "unconditional positive regard" for a friends fashion sensitivities is being is cruel & heartless" style of friendship Poppy is pushing.

RobinEllacotStrike · 05/05/2026 15:33

MargoChanningsglass · 05/05/2026 15:24

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I remember Countess Luanne de Lessops saying Even Louis Vuitton makes mistakes

Prime example with that overblown coral convection pockets or pocketless

Show quote history

Oh that was a memorable day for sure 😁

ArtyFartyCrafts · 05/05/2026 15:52

Dozer · 02/05/2026 16:43

Wow, that IS ‘objectively hideous. Like ham slices met the 80s and chintz.

It’d be great as a theatre costume

Like ham slices met the 80s and chintz.

I actually laughed out loud. Thanks. 🤣

EnglishBreakfastTea1 · 05/05/2026 16:33

Subjectively, it’s awful. No wonder your face moved faster than your brain. It looks cheap, like an extreme version of a 1985 bridesmaid’s dress. It’s not worth the price at all.

i’m no fashionista but bloody hell…

MargoChanningsglass · 05/05/2026 16:43

EnglishBreakfastTea1 · 05/05/2026 16:33

Subjectively, it’s awful. No wonder your face moved faster than your brain. It looks cheap, like an extreme version of a 1985 bridesmaid’s dress. It’s not worth the price at all.

i’m no fashionista but bloody hell…

Its the airy way someone posted earlier its Dolce and Gabanna if you dont know that...

Thats not a fashionista, that's someone blindly thumbing it up because of its label.

As someone else said Emperors new clothes..

SunnyRedSnail · 05/05/2026 16:48

SummerFate · 02/05/2026 15:48

Well, it’s your fault if she finds the thread and never speaks to me again 😄 But here it is:

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😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I'm sorry but you did really well with your reaction. I think I would have struggled to keep a straight face. That's certainly interesting...

If she cannot take criticism then she should stick something a little less ruffly trash bag.

It reminds me years ago of this girl I went shopping with who tried on a (poo) brown velour all-in-one outfit. She was short and curvy (big boobs, big bum and tummy stuck out lots) and it genuinely looked awful on her. I tried to tactfully suggest something else (I'm a terrible liar) but she bought it anyway and sulked the rest of the day and wouldn't speak to me. She wore it to a party and all the boys were taking the piss out of her behind her back as she looked like a lumpy turd. As karma would have it (she could be really nasty) she went on to marry one of those boys, although I bet she still has no idea he used to take the piss out of her!

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 05/05/2026 17:16

ShowOfHands · 02/05/2026 15:52

https://www.karenmillen.com/product/dolce-gabbana-pink-ruffled-dress-silk-cotton-gown-dress_p-3df50840-54f9-435e-9c76-f24322ddcd9c

Only a couple of grand in the sale.

Might buy two!

When you still have a couple of dozen pink garbage bags left over from Easter.....and you think, what a waste......

ByRealOtter · 05/05/2026 18:27

Has she replied yet? Can’t find an update but are you still friends?????

MyCottageGarden · 05/05/2026 20:16

@Poppyfie1ds Please don’t use ChatGPT to construct essay-length comments, not only is it disingenuous but nobody reads it, they just roll their eyes and it does fill up the thread unnecessarily.

Catsrule12 · 05/05/2026 22:12

There’s a restaurant chain in Thailand called Cabbages and condoms - one of their exhibits is a dress that really resembles the dress we’ve been discussing.

MilkyLeonard · 05/05/2026 23:16

TeddybearBaby · 05/05/2026 09:42

‘I’ve messaged this morning saying I’m sorry if I upset her and that I didn’t mean to, and that she shouldn’t let what I think affect her choice. She hasn’t replied.
How do I fix this? Do I just hope it blows over? I know I should have tried to hide my thoughts, but when she said she’d spent twice what I pay a month for my mortgage, I was expecting something amazing - I just couldn’t hide my reaction when I saw this monstrosity’.

This is literally her post, asking about the ‘other person’ in the story and how to fix things and my interpretation from the replies were be a kind and respectful friend / don’t take the piss out of your friends. Anyway, I’m not going to reply any more cos we have different views that aren’t going to change and I’m off out now, happy to disagree. Enjoy your day!

Edited

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So your “advice” is to go back in time and respond differently?! 😳

Passwordsaremynemesis · 05/05/2026 23:50

Poppyfie1ds · 05/05/2026 12:01

Well this is grim. The dress is fine. Anyone who knows about fashion will know it’s a D&G number. Those who don’t know aren’t worth bothering about.

Here’s the thing though, if you know your friend wears ‘out there’ stuff and you know they spent thousands on it, why wasn’t your face ready with a big smile regardless? Like when a child presents you with something they’ve made and you know it’s gonna be sh*t, you’re still ready with the smile and the positive comments. That’s what you do for a friend.

All the defensive bite-back to various comments isn’t really helping that ‘mean girls’ image you’ve created.

Don’t be daft. My friends don’t have to be indulged like tiny children. Mind you none of my friends soule be seen dead in that hideous dress either, D & G or not.

Todayismyfavouriteday · 06/05/2026 01:04

SummerFate · 05/05/2026 13:59

If you’ve read my posts, you’ll have seen I already explained that this was significantly more “out there” than anything she’d shown me before. If it helps you to understand, think of it like this. Imagine a friend frequently changed her hairstyle; say one day a pink streak, the next cornrows. Now imagine that one day, when you were expecting the pink streak to maybe be purple or blue this time, she’s actually shaved her hair almost to the bone and had what’s left dyed into a leopard print pattern. That’s how unexpected this was for me.

From your rather haughty “Anyone who’s anyone would know it’s D&G” comment that you’ve crossed the barrier between fashion lover and fashion victim, and that if it was 15 quid on Shein, you’d also think it was hideous.

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This! The barrier between fashion lover and victim has been crossed ha... I agree, were it from Shein, she'd also think it's hideous. D&G can't go wrong, though.

TeddybearBaby · 06/05/2026 05:58

MilkyLeonard · 05/05/2026 23:16

So your “advice” is to go back in time and respond differently?! 😳

Show quote history

I don’t think I offered any advice 😂. I wouldn’t bother because my point was the op isn’t interested unless I’m slating the dress and saying ‘I don’t blame you, what could you do, the dress is hideous’. Her friend has now been ridiculed for days and the op doesn’t seem to give a shit, probably with the excuse that it’s an anonymous forum. She said ‘if my friend finds this thread it’s your fault’ she doesn’t really care if her friend is hurt or not imo. I just don’t know the point of it, there isn’t a genuine want of opinions that differ from hers. Total waste of time. Hope that answers your question!

Tattletale26 · 06/05/2026 06:12

SummerFate · 02/05/2026 15:48

Well, it’s your fault if she finds the thread and never speaks to me again 😄 But here it is:

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That's genuinely hideous. No wonder you flinched 🤣

Pipsquiggle · 06/05/2026 06:36

Poppyfie1ds · 05/05/2026 14:54

You don’t have to like the dress or understand the dress or ‘get’ what would possess someone to spend thousands on the dress, to show unconditional positive regard for your friend by smiling at the that brings her joy. Doesn’t matter if it’s designer or from shein. Response should be positive. People hang out with their friends because they leave us feeling happier, and they share our triumphs and tribulations with a matched level of joy or despair.

No one has said you have to like the dress yourself. An unexpected hairstyle is the perfect example because yes, even if your friend had shaved her head, you’d still have to put on a smile and be positive, showing curiosity rather than judgement. If you can’t manage an automatic positive face as your default reaction to your friends at all times, you should probably be practising.

This is really basic stuff. In polite conversation with loved ones if you don’t like what you’re being presented with, or you can’t agree with it, you find the one thing that you can sound positive about. How the lack of hair really shows off their beautiful cheekbones and how jealous you are about them not having to spend half an hour in the morning doing their hair like you have to. Good natured positive stuff.

Wth the dress, most people would be able to say that the fabric is beautiful all that the colour really suits her or what a steal if she got it half price. With these sort of superficial things, there’s always positives to be found.

It’s always positive positive positive first. Afterwards, then you can start with gentle discouragement if you genuinely think it’s necessary, but from a non-personal point of view.

So you might suggest that going out to do the school run that dress might not be a good idea because the other Mum’s might make fun out of her wearing a formal gown - you don’t say because you think the dress is hideous. If she’s got a reasonable figure, is styling the dress properly and is wearing it in a high-end environment, there’s no reason she wouldn’t be able to rock that dress and why others wouldn’t like the dress on your friend.

Of course you might think what I’m saying is absolute nonsense and that you’re absolutely right about this situation on all points - the dress is horrible, your reaction was right. Fine.

Show quote history

@Poppyfie1ds hard disagree to what you have written

What I value from my friendships is honesty. Friendships should be able to withstand disagreements or differences of opinion.

Tattletale26 · 06/05/2026 06:46

Pipsquiggle · 06/05/2026 06:36

@Poppyfie1ds hard disagree to what you have written

What I value from my friendships is honesty. Friendships should be able to withstand disagreements or differences of opinion.

Show quote history

You're absolutely correct. Unconditional positive regard is just one (debated) method of psychoanalysis and only someone who was quite narcissistic and/or with very blurred boundaries would ever dream of demanding this from friends or family.

Flinching at a hideous dress is perfectly normal and human. OP is not a comfort animal for her friends.

Someonesawu · 06/05/2026 09:56

Still radio silence from your friend @SummerFate ?

Hollybollyhughes · 06/05/2026 14:10

I suppose she was disappointed as had clearly thought the dress is amazing, otherwise she wouldn't have bought it. As a friend you were shown the dress and couldn't hide how terrible you thought it was. Irrespective of whether she likes it or not, this was your opinion.
Give us a clue where she bought it and a general description 😃
I recall a friend buying a cow print suit to a wedding, it made her look, well, like a cow but at the time it was fashionable. She hated the photos bless her and the outfit never saw the light of day again.

NotMeAtAll · 06/05/2026 15:46

I've never understood this expectation for fake compliments. She's not a four-year-old showing you a page of splattered paint.