Friend’s awful dress and my reaction

[SummerFate]

A friend is mine is quite heavily into fashion and spends a lot on clothes. Some of her choices are quite bold and not necessarily what I would pick, but she has a good figure and is quite distinctive looking, so can generally pull off something a bit more “out there”.

However, yesterday she showed me the dress she has spent a fortune on for an event - and it’s hideous. Not “not to my taste” - objectively hideous. And my face reacted before my brain could tell it to keep quiet.

She could tell immediately that I thought it was awful and she looked really upset. She said straight out, “You hate it, don’t you?”, and while I tried to say it just wasn’t my personal cup of tea, it was too late. It was obvious I hated it. I said we all have different tastes, what suits her wouldn’t suit me and that I’ve seen things look amazing on her that I could never wear, but the rest of the evening was really awkward.

I’ve messaged this morning saying I’m sorry if I upset her and that I didn’t mean to, and that she shouldn’t let what I think affect her choice. She hasn’t replied.

How do I fix this? Do I just hope it blows over? I know I should have tried to hide my thoughts, but when she said she’d spent twice what I pay a month for my mortgage, I was expecting something amazing - I just couldn’t hide my reaction when I saw this monstrosity.

How do I fix this? Do I just hope it blows over?

So when do we go back to tackling your big concern of, you know, repairing things with your friend?

Me too!

Um, ok.... on the plus side it's not florals.

No, those things were not kind. I apologise for those. I still stand by them though. By the same token, were you kind to have started this thread and to still be at it this morning?

First of all the dress is shite.

Im sitting on a Sunday morning agog at this thread.

All this talk about cowardly and posting through the wee small hours and investigating other threads etc🤣

Every single person posting is anonymous here, people post about some quite awful things, abuse, SA, stealing, and it gets hot and heavy but for fuck sake getting yourself energised and throwing out shite for hours about a dress and how awful the OP is, is bloody deranged😆

Op is no more cowardly than any single poster on here and even if the whole thread is a hoax its soooo telling how het up folk have got.

Mumsnet at this finest

Ok, so the dress is absolutely “objectively hideous”, but we all know that this thread is going viral, and OP just burned any bridges with said “friend” 😂😂😂

I don't think I could have kept a neutral face either 😮

@SummerFate - some advice.
"Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it." This proverb advises against engaging in futile, petty arguments with someone who thrives on conflict, as both parties end up degraded, but the antagonist enjoys the process.

If you click on “see all” on OPs original post, it will show you all of her posts, including the link to the dress. Saves you scrolling.

I‘m known for my restrained dress style, hoping for the quiet luxury look, but I actually like the dress

The difference is I haven’t made claims of being kind.

Some of your posts really riled me up, so I told you what I thought and it was not kind. I apologise.

Sometimes it's hard to control a face that speaks louder than your voice!

I have this problem and, well, whilst I try to keep that bitch in check, it's SO much harder when confronted with something shocking and babes, that DRESS! 😖

That dress at THAT PRICE?!!!😝

I think many of us at home probably made even more judgmental faces when we saw the pic, probably followed by a 'Jeeeeeeezuz CHRIST!!!' 😂

At the end of the day your friend knows you have very different tastes in clothing. I have a tendency to 'extra' tastes in fashion myself (honestly, it's a really good thing I'm chubby cus if i were a size 4 it would be ON!) but I get that not many of my friends would ever consider wearing some of my clothes.

And that's ok.

If I were you I'd drop her a message saying something like 'Hey friend, my face reacted yesterday before my brain could. I need to learn to keep that bitch in check. I'm sorry if it pissed you off. You are obviously entitled to buy and wear whatever the hell you want to. I would support you if you chose to wear a carrier bag and you'd probably pull it off! Can we have lunch soon, my treat, and if you're still mad I will let you take me thrifting and pick me out an outfit to wear on our next meet up. Promise I'll wear it! (Just don't actually buy a bin bag) Love you,x,'

At the end of the day you have apologised, OP. You've done your bit. It's now on her to do hers and let it go because nobody owes her liking that dress!

The folk pointing out that its taken up by newspapers. Thats hardly the fault of the OP.

Its because the gutter press have so little of interest and intelligence that they plunder through sites where a chicken lasts a week and tradesmen shite in our toilets.

The really sad threads where folk are desperately reaching out and at the end of their tether, should they not reach out in case the gutter press make it go viral?

Someone with Zendaya’s looks and figure would this look off.

You take a known risk starting a thread on mumsnet.

You take a known risk posting the exact dress your friend showed you yesterday

You watch as hundreds of posters post vicious comments about the dress and often the friend herself

I dont disagree, however all the clamouring and pleading to see the dress very soon turned and it really got very unkind at times, over a very mild issue in the general scheme of things in comparison to other issues in here.

I guess this morning im marvelling at human nature on here. Anyhoo have a nice Sunday.

From both perspectives, certainly, yes.

What’s both perspectives?

Sorry, too much to do today to get into it. Ill leave it there. Enjoy your day

Unbelievable.

You've been like an attack dog desperate to tear OP down. It's embarrassing.

In that true you’re delusional

Fecking hell OP that is hideous 😬😂

Thanks for that.

I’ve made good and clear arguments that question why the OP is posting here. On one hand, the OP is asking for reassurance that she was not out of line to her friend. On the other hand, she is joining in and actively encouraging everyone to criticise her friend’s dress. I thought that was really horrible, so called OP out on it. I think that’s entirely fair.