I’m an Empath

[ArtfulRubyKoala]

AIBU to think that people who use the word ‘empath’ to describe themself actually tend to be incredibly self absorbed?
I have only met 2 people who have used this word to describe themselves and it was noticeable with both how much time they spent talking about themselves during the time I was with them. I also found it odd that both told me they were empaths the first time I met them.

Obviously my sample size of 2 makes this fact(!) but am interested to hear other people’s experiences.

The only person I know who uses this term - empath - to describe himself is the most selfish, self centred man I have ever met. He gets angry and upset when I tell him he has plenty of sympathy but is utterly devoid of empathy. He gets even angrier when I tell him that weeping for Gaza isn't empathy.

Yep.

2 people I know say it. One is "I'm right mad, me. Hahaha but I feel what you're feeling but even more than you do".

The other has a mental illness and generally doesnt really know what's going on in his own mind, let alone anyone else's.

An interesting take....it reminds me of my mother in law who makes everything about herself. It's very unhelpful to the person who is actually experiencing an emotional upset.

Yes this is truly what being an “empath” means. It’s a trauma response where you were not safe as a child unless you constantly monitored everyone’s behaviour for signs of danger.

You see, i wouldn’t do that. I’d focus on the person in pain and wouldn’t mention my own pain to anyone else because i wouldn’t want to cause anyone more upset.

100% agree with you - any extra sensory attunement is born out of survival skills which kept you safe in dysfunctional / traumatic environments - that are still turned on - they are still just surveillance for your benefit - so it’s your own heightened stress you are feeling - and if in this state you attempt to read someone’s mind then then you are likely to be way off in your assumptions as the hypervigilance calibration is off.

@ArtfulRubyKoala, I came here to vote YABU on your thread title. But clearly have gone the other way after reading your OP!

The other type is someone who has been groomed usually by a parent to soothe that parent or where if a parent was angry then the "empath" would fawn or be a clown or do something to keep themselves safe. They get to adulthood and don't realise that they don't have to do this but they are so attuned to people's moods that they can't stop. But yes there are the other type - bit like the "I am mad me" types.

One can be empathetic or empathise but it's not a character trait!

I know of people who have joined cult like spiritual organisations who train them to become spiritual counsellors and empaths!! In reality they take huge amounts of money from vulnerable people encouraging them to cut off all contact from families. Not much empathy there?

This is me too. I’ve never described myself as an empath but I was a child in a DV home. I do feel that my mood/wellbeing is heavily influenced by how those around me are feeling. I wouldn’t consider it a badge to be proud of

I am not sure it is. Empathy is a character trait. A lot of people have empathy, but some not so much. People have more or less of all the various traits.

My mum could show sympathy and was a very loving caring mum but she had no empathy. She liked what she liked and she struggled with anything else. She couldn't understand people having ambition, sacrifing to put your kids though uni, wanting to divorce or having an age gap relationship, not feeling able to drop everything in your life to care for a relative, wanting to travel abroad, eating spicy/different food, going on holiday for more than a week, having lots of kids, moving away from where you grew up, wanting to go out on a week night rather that watch the soaps etc etc). She just could not put her self in someone elses shoes.

She once expressed to a neighbour how sad it was that their daugher had moved abroad. She was feeling sympathy for what was lost - which is how she would feel but she could not empathise. She could not see why the daugher would want to go or how her mum could be happy for her. She could not understand or share those feelings. She told me afterwards how sad it was.

In my marriage (which should have ended much sooner than it did), I used to feel for my husband if he was unhappy, even when he was being/had been a massive nob! If he was stressed, or angry, sorry or upset I would feel for him - often leading to me trying to be understanding or forgiving to my own detriment. When I was younger, friends would fall out with me for not taking sides if they fell out!

I am the same, I am very calm and great in a crisis. I never make a situation about me. My goal is to make everyone else feel better.

Drama Lama is also a great description of every 'I'm an empath' I've ever met.

If there's another kind, they are yet to be on my radar.

Most ‘announcing themselves as empaths’ are attention seeking drama llamas trying to hijack everyone’s problem. 🙄

@PutAGirdleRoundAboutTheEarthIn40Minutes it’s my observation that mums are the people whose wants are put on hold the most. Of course other people put others first too. It’s not exclusive to carers. But it’s probably mostly carers, and mostly women.

This has been my experience too. All she did was talk about herself! And mention she was an empath every few sentences 🙄

I'm definit an empath. To the extent that I really can't understand people who aren't.

Totally irrelevant side point but I love this spelling of drama llama to match the Dalai Lama. They're so dramatic, they're a religious leader among drama llamas.

I'm really sorry, but every time this OP comes up in my notifications I have a flash on a reason for it that I created the first time I saw it.

The scene is set in a crowded London main line station, during the rush hour. A man is sitting quietly near the ticket barriers sobbing to himself, and the people who have noticed him at all are at a loss, too embarrassed to try to do anything to help him. Suddenly from the back of the crowd a cry rings out:

"Let me through! I'm an empath."

Oh bore off!

Oh another one, bore off as well

How many crisis are you actually in? Or are they ones you have created so you can come in and save the day?

Yanbu.

Im an Empath is totally different to saying im very empathetic or I've got really heightened awareness.

And you can actually hear the capital E in Empath when they say it.

Plus they tend to shoehorn it into conversations, which is very irritating.

'I'm an empath/a very empathic person' is up there with 'I'm a very spiritual person' on my red-flag-o-meter for anyone! Ditto anyone who has to make a big point about how they're 'so chilled' and 'no drama' - actually chilled/no drama people will never say they are, they'll demonstrate it.

If someone tells you they’re an empath, run and don’t look back.