I’m an Empath

[ArtfulRubyKoala]

AIBU to think that people who use the word ‘empath’ to describe themself actually tend to be incredibly self absorbed?
I have only met 2 people who have used this word to describe themselves and it was noticeable with both how much time they spent talking about themselves during the time I was with them. I also found it odd that both told me they were empaths the first time I met them.

Obviously my sample size of 2 makes this fact(!) but am interested to hear other people’s experiences.

Absolutely this, it’s an automatic mechanism for checking a person or situation is safe. It’s not reliable though because the strategies that kept us safe as children actively work against us in adulthood, because they rely on us interpreting situations based on old information. It’s not empathy because it’s based on our feeling of safety, and interpreting messages from others in light of that feeling.

In my experience people who describe themselves as empaths have a lot of work to do on their own emotional regulation.

It might surprise you to learn that you’re describing an average person's ability to read others and empathise with their situation.

What sets you apart is your own willingness to abase your own needs and feelings in favour of those of others, which speaks of your own low self esteem rather than your ability to empathise with others.

That's not an Empath, that's a drama llama with a complex.

True empath comes across distressed friend or colleague:

pauses to recognise whether or not they need physical closeness and responds appropriately, listens, supports as appropriate. When the empath leaves, they either respect the other’s privacy, or they give another friend or colleague the nod, “Look in on X, they’re having a rough time.”

I’m An Empath comes across a distressed friend or colleague:

leaps in with a hug, “Oh, what’s up? You need anything, just ask.” If colleague opens up, “That’s just like what happened to me! I feel your pain.” Tells the other all about it, tells them what to do, tells them they feel so much better for talking to I’m An Empath, they can come and talk to I’m An Empath whenever they need “because I’m An Empath, you know, so I understand.” When I’m An Empath leaves, drained by the support they have given, they tell everyone how supportive they’ve been, how empathetic.

I agree with this.

Yep. And then they press for the details of other people's problems, whether the other people want to tell them or not. Just prurient interest / nosiness.

Yep, and they are always tedious.

God yes self-proclaimed empaths just have a knack for making other people's emotions about themselves.

They very often decide that someone else isn't being dramatic enough and - with the excuse of being extra-sensitive themselves - work very hard to prise an emotional performance out of someone going through their own issues.

You might be bored to death while they explain how special they are.

You are correct, in my experience.

I believe I am but have never said this to anyone else. Unless you count this post 🤣

Isn’t that most mums?

Unless an Empath can scan the collective mind of a Klingon ship and determine whether it is safe to disengage the shields, I don't think it counts.

It’s most people, in my experience. You don’t need to have procreated in order to appreciate other people’s feelings! And no mother should always put everyone else’s needs and feelings first - that’s not healthy whoever you are.

It's ok to say it as long as you only say it to yourself.

I used to work with a colleague who told me that she was an Empath....hmmmm. She was a lovely person but with quite a bit of drama in her own family. The following year I was badly bullied by a different colleague - she didn't pick up on it at all at the time (over the course of a year) and when I did tell people about it and left that workplace she was in no way empathetic at all! So I would give the side eye to anyone who declared themselves to be an Empath.

I put it on a par with men who announce that 'I'm a Nice Guy'.

That’s been my experience too, but also from a small sample! It’s similar to describing yourself as “an old soul.” What does that even mean, and how are those self described empaths so sure they’re different to everyone else? Do they think everyone else goes through life with no recognition of others’ feelings at all?

This is true. I will look forward to responding along the lines of, "but isn't that just normal human behaviour?" and wait for the explanation of how special they are. I might have a mental bingo card prepared.

The only person I've ever met who describes herself as an empath appears to have some sort of personality disorder. She is also one of the least empathetic or compassionate people I know.

That will help to fill the time as you mentally tick off comments as they make them.

I always think that anyone who announces themselves to be an empath is much more likely to be a narcissist.

I am remembering the person I knew who would describe himself as an empath. I eventually ran out of patience with him and told him he was no such thing: "you are the sort of git who'd say 'please will you stop screaming while I kick your ribs in, you're hurting my ears'." We sort of lost touch after that.

Anyone else old enough to remember Indigo children?

Aka, tiny psychopaths