I’m an Empath

[ArtfulRubyKoala]

AIBU to think that people who use the word ‘empath’ to describe themself actually tend to be incredibly self absorbed?
I have only met 2 people who have used this word to describe themselves and it was noticeable with both how much time they spent talking about themselves during the time I was with them. I also found it odd that both told me they were empaths the first time I met them.

Obviously my sample size of 2 makes this fact(!) but am interested to hear other people’s experiences.

I thought the indigo children were decided after a bit of faddery to have ADHD and parents who wanted a positive label for them?

My experience of people who have said they’re an empath is that they use other people’s bad situations to try to make themselves look good. Grief vulture types who are never truly empathetic, but instead centre themselves in anyone else’s situation and sadness.

I think they always were-it was just their parents wishing very much they weren’t……

Agreed 1000%. I am exactly the same - it's quite horrible really xx

Wasn't it kids with special superpowers who gave off auras, with very high regard for themselves? It might have got watered down in the 90s

I agree OP, and wonder what an empath even is. Someone described me as one once but I think that was mainly to distinguish me from a psychopath, my boss at the time.

This kind of sums up my feelings about 'empaths'...

"This month's soothsayers' meeting at this venue has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances."

Totally agree. Some people have more ability to empathise than average, some less. Those who think it's some kind of ability unique to them are self absorbed and as a PP has said, emotionally up and down.

That's not to say some people aren't very good at reading others and attuned to emotions, but it's the need to tell everyone about it that usually indicates someone who likes attention to be on them.

My experience is that anyone who declares themselves as anything is usually wildly off-course.

In English literature, I remember being told that the key to understanding characters is to pay attention to their actions and to what other characters say about them, not to what characters say about themselves, because they can be unreliable. I think the same is true in real life. If something is true about someone, other people will be saying it, not the person themself.

I've not ever met someone describing themselves as an empath to be fair, but I have heard a few who declare "I always put myself last, I always put everyone else first and look after everyone before myself." And it's literally always said by the most selfish, self-absorbed people who think they're the centre of the universe. From their perception, they probably do believe what they're saying, because of course they think they are worthy of more.

I remember playing with an indigo child in the late 80s. I was very disappointed that I was not special enough to be one. I thought it was a secret super power.

I’m not sure it was always linked to ADHD traits. She was just very bossy with both children and her parents (a bit of a Violet from Charlie and The Chocolate Factory - maybe she was more violet than indigo. Ha).

Yes. The very few people I’ve met who have been knobbish enough to say that are self absorbed emotional vampires who barely pause to draw breath.

I am sorry for what you have been through - but picking up on changes in mood, tones, facial expressions, isn't being an empath, its being aware, observant.

Glad I’m not the only person who thought of Deanna Troi when this word was mentioned.

Yes, one of the fun things about Mn is people describing something about themselves or a friend they clearly think is unique and wondrously strange, only to get a chorus of ‘Yeah, everyone does that.’

And can we note please that Deanna T was generally spectacularly useless and would wrinkle her alabaster brow and say ‘I sense great anger!’ as the Borg or whoever were actually shattering the Enterprise’s shield? Ie when a not-particularly-perceptive toddler would be aware that someone nearby was pissed off?

Yep- my DB is a self described ‘empath’.

his main qualities are being completely self absorbed, selfish and lacking in empathy

Also people who say 'I'm so spiritual'

"So you're emotionally dysregulated? That must make life difficult." [Head tilt]

Oh, god, yes! Borderline psychotic, I think you mean.

I’m liking the idea that you ask them how you are feeling in this moment and if they don’t realise your emotion is on the continuum of mild annoyance to exasperation due to them calling themself an empath then you have completely disproven their stellar ability to read emotions.

Similar here. It is exhausting.

It’s more than that. You don’t just observe it like a casual spectator. You feel it yourself, and it can be really distressing. In the same way as many people (myself included) couldn’t watch a boxing match because it’s “too painful to watch”, you have a similar visceral reaction to other people’s emotional pain too.

People understand a reaction to physical pain, but not the emotional pain.

My grief counsellor was like this 😬 By the time I'd had my six sessions, I knew her life story and how fortunate she felt I was for having her as a counsellor.

It’s almost a diagnostic test for PDs.