I’m an Empath

[ArtfulRubyKoala]

AIBU to think that people who use the word ‘empath’ to describe themself actually tend to be incredibly self absorbed?
I have only met 2 people who have used this word to describe themselves and it was noticeable with both how much time they spent talking about themselves during the time I was with them. I also found it odd that both told me they were empaths the first time I met them.

Obviously my sample size of 2 makes this fact(!) but am interested to hear other people’s experiences.

Anyone I've ever met who has declared themselves an empath is just an attention seeker who turns other people's tragedies into a way for them to get sympathy.

How do you know other people aren't registering the same things you are? Possibly you making the classic 'empath' mistake of thinking people who don't verbalise their feelings don't have them.

I also don't like it as descriptive word. It feels better English to talk about having empathy rather than being an empath. If it has to be said at all 🤣

I have never met anyone who described themselves as an empath. It would really wind me up if someone said that. I suppose it’s a bit like saying you’re ‘completely OCD’ about something. Real sufferers just, well, suffer. Which in itself is sad, but reflects how people tend to mask their symptoms from others for fear of ridicule.

Yup it's an oxymoron.

I think I'm an empathetic person but I would NEVER go around telling people I'm an empath. If you are empathetic, friends & family get to find out - you don't need to tell them!

Yes this exactly. "I'm an empath" tends to mean "I'm massively self-obsessed, make everything about me and have less empathy than most people. But I've spotted a fancy identity to apply to myself to make people think I'm special. Me me me me meeeeeee!".

However I do think there are people who feel observed pain or emotions acutely - I'm a bit like this (can't watch violent films, burst into tears over Twitter videos about rabbits being reunited etc) the thing is that shouldn't be mistaken for empathy, as it's just about what I feel and my own oversensitivity. Actual empathy is being able to put yourself in someone else's place and/or understand and care about their feelings.

I’ve never heard anyone say this in real life. It seems to be used often on MAFS Australia by people went really aren’t.

Tedious emotional vampires usually.

See also people who insist how nice they are (I'll be the judge of that, thanks)

I’m a sympathetic cryer. If anyone else cries I immediately tear up. It’s bloody mortifying and I wish I could stop it. I’m sure other people think I’m a right plum when it happens.

I've had two people say it to me in real life and they both present more as narcissists 😂

Yanbu. They are usually bananas and annoying.

The fact that you think there is something unusual and requiring a special label because you “tend to pick up on people's moods and always consider other people's feelings” just shows that you really do not grasp other people’s minds at all, probably less so than the average person tbh.

I've known FOUR people who use that word to describe themselves and every one of them had a personality disorder in which narcissism was basically central to their personality

I am similar due but I wouldn’t describe it as being an empath. I would describe it as PTSD-related hyper vigilance.

I have decided that if anyone ever describes themself as an empath to me again, I'll ask what that means.

As a rule of thumb if someone announces to me 'I am [insert any particular quality eg an empath, honest, kind]' I am immediately put on notice that the quality they mention may well be one that they lack. Otherwise why the need to mention it? I generally assume others to be honest, kind, empathic etc until proved otherwise so why would someone be so keen to impress on me that this is what they are? Also, as another rule of thumb, whether someone is honest, kind, empathic etc is best decided by others not the person themselves!

YANBU, OP!

When I read the title of your thread my first reaction was, "no, you are probably a self-absorbed tit."

I've never met a self-declared empath who wasn't a complete arse.

I tend to pick up on people's moods and always consider other people's feelings.

@ScarlettpixieI would argue that this describes an awful lot of the people I know- especially women.

YANBU OP- exactly my experience of ‘Empaths’ too. Almost everyone has varying degrees of empathy. Believing that you have far more than everyone else and giving it a label as though it’s a type of neurodivergence or mental health condition is just an attempt to pathologise something entirely normal. It’s part of an overall pattern of labelling and pathologising normal human emotions and behaviours (see also gender nonconformity).

And ironically, as others have pointed out, many of those who call themselves empaths have not managed to pick up on the fact that many other people around them are good at empathy 😂 I think some of them just mean ‘I’m very sensitive’.

The whole concept is based on a contradiction.

“I can sense other people’s feelings so well that I am unusual and special”

plus

“My conclusion from my sensing of other people’s feelings is that they feel less than me”

A truly empathetic person would believe that other human beings are just as much fully emotional beings as they are, not that they have some special ability. If your conclusion is that you are somehow special, you are probably less empathetic than average not more.

Oh yes. Particularly the ones who love a passive aggressive post on Facebook about how they feel too much and are taken advantage of. Every single one of these people I know seem to have a huge narcissism issue and wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire

Yes this is especially true when online dating. Any man who goes on about how he's "a good guy" "easy-going" "too nice" etc - run!

The only empath I met ran a mobile beauty business (the two do seem to go hand in hand) she would often use it as an excuse to cancel appointments last minute even after deposits had been paid as she was so overwhelmed with other people’s feelings.
I’m not sure the bride whose nails/lashes for her whole wedding party was cancelled the day before the wedding would have had much empathy for her.
Funnily enough the mobile business did not last long.

Apparently empath was coined in 1980 as a back-formation from the 1909 psychologist's term "empathy", itself coined by Edward Titchener from "empathic".

Be suspicious: it's frequently used in parapsychology, with psychics and mediums using "empathy" to describe the means whereby they channel other people's emotions and experiences. If they do. You may or may not believe a word of it.

No, that’s hypervigilance. I have it too. It’s not a gift, it’s a learned survival strategy. It doesn’t make me empathetic and kind, it just makes me hyper-alert to moods, non-verbal communication, body language etc. It’s a pain in the ass.

Emotional vampires is perfect!

The next phrase after "I'm an empath" is quite likely to be "you must tell me about your feelings". That is a signal for sensible people to remember an urgent prior appointment, and run for the hills.