I’m an Empath

[ArtfulRubyKoala]

AIBU to think that people who use the word ‘empath’ to describe themself actually tend to be incredibly self absorbed?
I have only met 2 people who have used this word to describe themselves and it was noticeable with both how much time they spent talking about themselves during the time I was with them. I also found it odd that both told me they were empaths the first time I met them.

Obviously my sample size of 2 makes this fact(!) but am interested to hear other people’s experiences.

Indulge me, what is one of those

Do you not feel your own feelings physically? Do you ever feel breathless when you’re anxious or have a knot in your stomach? Do you feel tense when you’re angry? You’re having physical reactions to your own feelings.

Empathy is in essence the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. So when they feel their feelings, you feel them too. And that evokes the same physical sensations in your body.

We all have empathy, what you're describing isn't you having more empathy than others, it's the result of the trauma you've been through.

So are you saying that every single person has the same amount of empathy?

But you can't know what their feelings are, just what you assume them to be. It's incredibly self absorbed and arrogant to project onto and back from others like that. It's all about you, isn't it.

My brain obviously recognised something in her mannerisms or body language that was familiar to me.

Hang on a minute. What you wrote is that the child didn’t actually say anything about her mother. So how could you possibly have known? That’s either nonsense or you got lucky with a (very unpleasant) piece of pure guesswork with no basis at all.

I think you are saying you have psychic powers. Which don’t exist.

Exactly this. If anything, I suppress my own physical or mental distress to the point where I’m unaware of it until it’s screaming (every doctor I’ve ever seen has said ‘Why didn’t you come in sooner?’), but because one of the unpleasant lessons of my childhood (CSA compounded by no one doing anything once I’d disclosed, sharing a household with someone with chronic pain and depression, and an elderly uncle with paranoid schizophrenia) was that everyone else mattered more than I did and their moods, pain etc had to be anticipated, managed etc. To this day, I’m far more observant of and distressed by others’ pain than by my own.

This doesn’t make unusually empathetic, it makes me someone still trying to come to terms with a messy past and the survival strategies I learned then.

I feel them because they are happening to me. Not to anyone else.

So if I come across someone having a panic attack I am supposed to feel what they are feeling and we both end up in a mess, or am I supposed to deal with it and be calm and professional, or just panic with them?

A friend who has suffered grief, I cannot begin to imagine what she is feeling - I know she hurts like hell, but to say you are experiencing the same is just rubbish, you're making it about you!

I wouldn't know. Neither would you.

Thats why those who call themselves empaths are ridiculous. They have no idea how much empathy anyone else has.

No. Generally I’ll ask them what’s wrong. I don’t tell them how I’m feeling. I don’t decide what they’re feeling. Sometimes I’ll get a strong sense of a feeling, and not understand why. At a later point they’ll tell me what’s been going on and it makes sense that I’ve been feeling scared/sad/elated round them.

Just as an example, my dd invited a new friend from school who I’d never even heard of to our house. I said hello, offered snacks and a drink, made a bit of small talk about school, the usual stuff before they went up to DD’s bedroom. I was in her company for literally two minutes, and knew nothing about her. When she left, I asked dd “Is Amelia’s mum an alcoholic?” DD said “Yes. Why, do you know her?”
I didn’t know her. I could just tell. I’ve had far too many instances like this happen for it to be a coincidence. It’s not ‘woo’. My brain obviously recognised something in her mannerisms or body language that was familiar to me. Some people just have a pain inside them that others don’t see. But you don’t just see that pain, you feel it too. That is empathy.

Or if you have been around alcoholics, drug addicts, you recognise other signs, mannerisms, pick up on expressions.

Soon as a bloke calls me Miss, I know they have been in prison- not because I am hyper empathetic or whatever term you want to use, but because that is that they refer female members of staff to.

Is that not just feeding off somones energy??

Someone at work is a mood sucker - everyone feels down

Someone is happy, joyous, laughs - it lifts people

It's the desire to feel special that amuses me.

I once knew someone who described themselves as "hyper-empathetic" as opposed to "an empath"
This person was only friends with me while convenient for them, and dropped me instantly as soon as a better option came along
Very self centred and not at all empathetic
Same as people who are "nice guys" i.e the men who have ended up being abusive! (See also men who announce they are feminists)
I think it's just poor form to label yourself something to try and show you're better than other people. You should be showing it with your actions instead of announcing it, if it's true.

Yes, it’s exactly like that but more extreme. You might only get that feeling around someone who is a mood-hoover (we all know the type!) or someone who’s really joyful and buoyant. But most people won’t even register the moods of most people unless they’re deviating from the norm.

Other people get those feelings from everybody.

I think you've just proved my previous point.

How do you know you're experiencing it more than me?

So we are sat at work tomorrow me and you, having a nice chat, both laughing and Jane the mood hoover walks in and drains us both - how do you know you're experiencing a more extreme reaction than me - Oh I know - because rather than just cracking on with the job in hand you then turn it into being all about you!

I don’t know I’m experiencing it more than you, I don’t know you! But I know I’m experiencing it more than the people around me. If I ask my family “Is such-and-such okay? They’ve seemed a bit down lately” they’ll usually say “Where did you get that from, they seemed perfectly fine to me!”. Then a couple of weeks later it will come out that they’ve split up with their girlfriend or lost their job or something.

My DH and DCs always take the piss out of my “spooky sixth sense” or my “mad Derren Brown brain”. But it’s not either of those things.

And contrary to what pp are saying, I don’t ever talk about it because I realise it’s abnormal and feel embarrassed about it. It’s been good to discuss it on here though.

We operate on a higher plain of evolution. We resonate with humanity. We are at one and dont lecture, but show.

So you're observant.
You pick up on subtle changes.

Guess what so do others.

Ok.

Who, or what, are you at one with?

Or your kids and husband are like most and not very observant??

I assumed that poster was joking. If not, then they are a pretentious fool.

I couldn't tell if they were taking the pics or not.

I hope they were.