to think joint accounts aren’t the only “right” way to manage money in a marriage?

[taaay]

Been married over 25 years and we’ve never had a joint account.

We both have our own separate accounts. Husband pays around 90% of the bills and nearly all of the mortgage. I cover food, household bits and my car. It’s just what’s worked for us and it’s been stable for decades.

People often say that everything “should” be joint and that separate finances mean there’s a lack of trust or commitment.

I don’t really agree. I’ve seen quite a few situations where people had joint accounts and one partner emptied it and left, and the other person was stuck with no immediate access to money. That risk alone has always made me wary of pooling everything.

For us, having separate accounts hasn’t caused issues. We both know what’s being paid, we both contribute, and there’s no drama about who spent what.
I’m not saying joint accounts are wrong at all just that they’re not the only way to do things.

AIBU to think if it works for a couple, that’s what matters – rather than there being one “correct” setup?

YANBU. We have a joint account and a joint savings account, and we each have a current account and a savings account.

We agreed a reasonable amount of ‘pocket’ money each per month and pay the rest of our income into joint. What we do with our pocket money is our own decision. I always save a bit of mine as a like having a rainy day fund, plus some savings sit in there from before we combined incomes when we had DS. I would never want to be in a position of not having free and unmonitored access to money if I needed it.

I agree. If that works for you and you both trust each other it’s fine. There is no correct way, only what works best in the circumstances.

DH and I never had a joint account for years but about 10 years ago I became the higher earner by quite a stretch. Now we each pay into a joint account to cover all joint expenses, pro rata to what we earn. Both ways have worked for us.

It's fine, there's more than one way to skin a cat. You can even have joint money and consider it all one pot whilst still having your own accounts. This is what we do.

I agree, it doesn't have to be joint accounts, though of course if that works for the couple that's also fine.

I have been married 13 years and we were together 3 years prior to that.

We've never had joint accounts- largely because I couldn't be bothered with the faff of changing everything e.g. details with work 😂

It's never been an issue, we both contribute equally to things, each knows what the other has, big purchases are discussed and agreed. We don't quibble over small things either e.g. my car had a repair done the other day a DH collected it from the garage so he paid for it but we don't do 'paying each other back' we just take it as family money. Equally I sometimes pay for things.

I agree, it doesn't have to be joint accounts, though of course if that works for the couple that's also fine.

I have been married 13 years and we were together 3 years prior to that.

We've never had joint accounts- largely because I couldn't be bothered with the faff of changing everything e.g. details with work 😂

It's never been an issue, we both contribute equally to things, each knows what the other has, big purchases are discussed and agreed. We don't quibble over small things either e.g. my car had a repair done the other day a DH collected it from the garage so he paid for it but we don't do 'paying each other back' we just take it as family money. Equally I sometimes pay for things.

We have a joint account which covers all joint bills which we deposit from our own current accounts. Anything leftover is our own

I agree, it doesn't have to be joint accounts, though of course if that works for the couple that's also fine.

I have been married 13 years and we were together 3 years prior to that.

We've never had joint accounts- largely because I couldn't be bothered with the faff of changing everything e.g. details with work 😂

It's never been an issue, we both contribute equally to things, each knows what the other has, big purchases are discussed and agreed. We don't quibble over small things either e.g. my car had a repair done the other day a DH collected it from the garage so he paid for it but we don't do 'paying each other back' we just take it as family money. Equally I sometimes pay for things.

We have never had a joint account either, been together 37yrs. Always had separate accounts. We consider money to be joint regardless of what account it’s in and who pays what. My DS1 & his girlfriend have been together a couple of years, not living together yet, intend to soon, have a joint account and separate accounts too. So whatever works I suppose.

Do you both have access to the same amount of disposable income if yes what's the problem.
The problem comes when one partner earns more and yes maybe pays more of the bills but each month has a large amount of disposable income for themselves and the other whilst paying a smaller amount of bills, still struggles to pay for basics like a haircut.

Fwiw we have both, we have a joint account that pays the bills, joint savings, ds spending and savings accounts. Essentially I use a spreadsheet to work out each month what each person pays in to leave us both with the same disposable income. That money lives in personal accounts and means we get financial independence and privacy. I think dh spends most of his, I save a lot of mine, but it's then mine to spend when I want

I totally agree. We’ve always had a joint household account and savings account but we also have our own money. Dh likes expensive cars and going on golfing trips with his friends and if that was coming out of family funds I’d be a bit peeved! Likewise, if I want to spend £50 on a face cream that promises to blitz all my wrinkles, I don’t have to worry that I’m wasting family money.
I totally get that some people love having everything in a joint pot, but for me having my own money is really important.

Joint accounts are really handy for shared family costs. Separate personal accounts are also really handy for a whole range of separate personal finances. So yeah, mix n match is great from my POV. If a family wants everything all in one joint account that's fine too, if it works for them. For me it slightly removes the option for both individuals to have some level of financial autonomy.

Of course its ok not to have joint accounts.

It's absolutely fine to do whatever works for you.
However, you say you don't agree with people saying not having join accounts is due to mistrust while in the very next paragraph saying you are weary of situation where one person empties a joint account... Which is also ok. I don't believe that we should blindly trust anyone.

Each to his own. We always had a joint account. It made life simpler. We only consulted each other if we were planning a big spend - otherwise we spent as we wished and trusted each other to be sensible.

All our money was in joint names, except the Premium Bonds.

The joint current account was immensely advantageous when he died.

Apologies for the multiple posts! Dodgy internet connection 🙈

YANBU. All our finances have been joint since before we were married. Works for us but it's not for everyone!

Of course not. I've been married over 20 years and we've never had a joint account.

It's entirely the personal choice of the couple.

Whatever works for you both, joint account just saved a lot of calculations imo but I think people are safer with separate accounts

Yes someone could empty a joint account, but equally your husband could stop paying his share of the bills and you won't know until the bailiffs turn up at your door.

We have a joint account but it’s purely used for paying the mortgage. Other than that, we have separate finances. My parents have been married nearly 50 years and never had a joint account. I do think that it probably only works for us because DH and I are both high earners and so we don’t need to worry too much about budgeting. He does out-earn me a lot and so has more disposable income but it doesn’t really bother me because I’ve got plenty for my own needs/wants (and quite often he just saves his and then spends it on family stuff like holidays).

I agree with you OP. We've had a very similar set up to you for over 50 years and it’s always worked well for us. We’ve never found a need to have joint accounts.

Of course there are other ways. I guess I’ve seen that mainly (not always - sometimes they are the high earner) women tend to lose out more often with separate money when kids are in the equation because they take maternity leave and sometimes go part time. I find it incredible how many women are busy caring for their kids whilst given no financial support to do so.

I’ve been a SAHM, I’ve been the breadwinner and I’ve been an equal earner. I do think sharing money fairly and transparently taking into account shared children’s needs is very important. Exactly how you do that is up to you. For us the mental labour of working everything out wouldn’t be worth it. We just have a joint account. But if you have a way that works for you then great.

If it works , it is fair and BOTH partners are happy with the situation, then whichever way it is being done, is the right way.

No joint accounts here and it works well.

Thats fair enough. I definitely don’t get the ‘one pot’ model that many on here have! We have a joint account and split the bills with it but I’d hate not to have my own accounts with my own money.

90%/10% split seems very disproportionate though.

It’s entirely personal choice and what works for you. We’ve always had joint accounts.
What I would say though is if your husband was to die before you, you wouldn’t have access to the money in his personal account and vice versa as the account would be suspended.