to think joint accounts aren’t the only “right” way to manage money in a marriage?

[taaay]

Been married over 25 years and we’ve never had a joint account.

We both have our own separate accounts. Husband pays around 90% of the bills and nearly all of the mortgage. I cover food, household bits and my car. It’s just what’s worked for us and it’s been stable for decades.

People often say that everything “should” be joint and that separate finances mean there’s a lack of trust or commitment.

I don’t really agree. I’ve seen quite a few situations where people had joint accounts and one partner emptied it and left, and the other person was stuck with no immediate access to money. That risk alone has always made me wary of pooling everything.

For us, having separate accounts hasn’t caused issues. We both know what’s being paid, we both contribute, and there’s no drama about who spent what.
I’m not saying joint accounts are wrong at all just that they’re not the only way to do things.

AIBU to think if it works for a couple, that’s what matters – rather than there being one “correct” setup?

I have enough savings to pay the bills for years. I work and I have a business. I also have investments so covering the bills is fine if DH left.

Oh I meant to say YANBU. That was a mistake!

I don't need a joint account. If he died, I can pay for everything myself. I would also get a lump sum when he dies.

We have completely separate accounts. I transfer 1/3 of mortgage to DH each month and pay for electricity, my phone, DS gym membership, hot water/heating, cleaning and all food/household goods costs. He pays car payment, insurances, service charge (in a flat) council tax, water bill.

We both pay for our own hair/health and medical/clothes/leisure. If we go out for dinner with friends I'll pay on my Amex (paid off fully each month). We both pay into pensions. DS's clothes and shoes shared. I pay for big holidays out of my savings.

We've done this for 20 years, never argued or had an issue re: money. I've never seen his bank account or vice versus. Contributions are proportional to our income (he earns approx 1/3 more than me) both work FT. Although I'm going to drop down to 4 days a week but my income will be the same.

I'm thrifty and more of a saver than DH. I grew up with no money and supported myself from teenage years onwards so the idea of not having total control of my incomings/outgoings makes me feel anxious. We will chat a couple of times a year about how much savings we both have, discuss any big purchases or if our earnings have changed - it works well and suits us. Understand how to others it may seem odd though!

Oh we both have life insurance and critical illness that DH pays for!

I’d be surprised if your name was on ALL the bills, lots of bills don’t seem to allow 2 people to be named.

You see, I can't get my head round this.

We have a joint account. Everything goes into it. (I earn about 15% less.) It's not "family funds", it's just "our money".

I don't worry I'm wasting "family money" if I indulge myself when we can afford it. Indulgences are part of what we as a couple and a family are lucky enough to be able to afford.

Your husband's golf and car money is all coming out of your total household family income. How is it different that he's siloed it off into a different pot?

In my mind, this just (in general) facilitates men having more discretionary income, even in a family, because men generally earn more.

Why/how do you contribute so little? Not asking with a critical tone im just nosey/curious

I've voted YABU, but it's not black and white.

I've just been through a divorce where we didn't have joint accounts, and this was a feature amongst many others for me wanting out.

It wasn't so much the joint accounts, but a lack of transparency from exH and his need to oversee and control the finances, when he was incapable of registering all the small things that add up (new clothes and sports equipment for growing DC, replacement crockery, days out in the school holidays etc etc), and the variable outgoings like fuel (i do more miles in order to work and cover childcare) and food (which varies and increases all the time with inflation, not just annually) he would only calculate the obvious easily measurable outgoings (council tax, energy bills, insurance, mortgage etc).

Communication, or lack of, was the number one reasons for the divorce!

I think if you have financial transparency in a marriage then it doesn't matter if it is via individual or shared accounts, but as soon as one is hiding things, even if it isn't deliberate, then separate finances don't work and you'd be better off not married.

We have separate accounts and an account which is joint but used only for household bills. He pays his car insurance/tax, phone etc out of his money and I do the same out of mine. Any "big ticket" items we split the cost 50/50. I learned a very hard lesson about having a joint account many years ago (when married to ExH), and it's a mistake I vowed never to make again which my DP, of 25 years, knows and understands.

Until people start to separate, or divorce it's never an issue. And if money's not a problem then I can't see why anyone could get excited about it at all

We have the same set up.

I would use my own money until we'd sorted out finances. We both have enough in our own accounts to cover bills for a good few months at least.

We have a similar set up. Husband pays all the bills including the car. I pay for the food, day to day costs and our savings.

We have been together 17 years and never argue about money. Works well now im on maternity aswell.

I had a joint account with first husband. Our wages went into our own account then we transferred 50% off the bills into the joint. Except most months he was either late or ‘forgot’. Second marriage and now DP we are each responsible for various bill that almost equate to 50/50. I’d never have a joint account or share funds after finding out 1st husband ran up £50k of debt and I was on the hook for half!

I’d never have a joint account or share funds after finding out 1st husband ran up £50k of debt and I was on the hook for half!

I think this is what joint account proponents forget sometimes!

I’m with you OP - 27 years married and we don’t have joint accounts.

DH pays the bills etc, I keep myself , help out with spends for my uni DC, pay for my car, pay smaller bills and one big shop a month. DH doesn’t have access to my accounts and has no idea how much I have saved. He has no interest at all but if he asked I’d show him.

Our salaries are vastly different so I suppose that’s how things have worked out. He earns 10 times what I do.

My name is on his accounts only should I ever need to access them. I never spend anything from those accounts myself . I guess we are all different and what works for couples. I just can’t imagine not having my own money and rainy day fund.

We have separate accounts. Dh pays the mortagage, various bills and is in charge of the "entertainment budget" (going out, which we do a couple times a week). I get the shopping and a couple of various bills. I am in charge of the savings. Which also means i pay for the big stuff, like the car and holidays.

It works for us. We each end up with roughly the same disposible income. We both contribute. It plays to my strengths: careful with money and organised.

This is going to sound bad, but it keeps dh on a tighter finanical leash. He is shit with money. But he knows this and is happy with the arrangement. It has worked for about 10 years now.

@Pearl69 does that mean he has much more money to spend on himself though?

We did the joint account thing put in the same proportion of our wages and kept the rest, also had separate accounts. Once we'd paid off the mortgage we just dumped the joint account and pay our own bills and each is responsible for some of the household bills. Both ways have worked fine.

You are right, OP. We have been married for 36 years, and never had joint accounts or credit cards. It just works, and means that we rarely need to discuss money. It also means that each of us can maintain a level of independence.
(To be fair, we did have a joint mortgage back in the day).

Every couple should do whatever is best for them - there are no rules.

Exactly this!

Why? My husband has never paid a household bill in his life, nor does he know how much they are, because they are my department.
I do all the dull stuff like bills, council tax, food, mortgage (when we had one).
He gets the fun stuff, plus capital items, like holidays, cars, major house repairs etc and investments. Over the years he has way out-earned me, but we've never felt the need to tot it all up.
Like I say, it just works.

I guess so but I don’t want for anything and nor do DCs. These threads are always food for thought.

We historically had our own accounts and each paid an amount into the joint account to cover the monthly outgoings.

In the last couple of years, as we are aging, we have made all the accounts joint as DH is the one who has always earned the most and therefore saved the most, and we thought if something unforeseen happened to him, it would make sense that I had immediate access to the bulk of the savings.