to think joint accounts aren’t the only “right” way to manage money in a marriage?

[taaay]

Been married over 25 years and we’ve never had a joint account.

We both have our own separate accounts. Husband pays around 90% of the bills and nearly all of the mortgage. I cover food, household bits and my car. It’s just what’s worked for us and it’s been stable for decades.

People often say that everything “should” be joint and that separate finances mean there’s a lack of trust or commitment.

I don’t really agree. I’ve seen quite a few situations where people had joint accounts and one partner emptied it and left, and the other person was stuck with no immediate access to money. That risk alone has always made me wary of pooling everything.

For us, having separate accounts hasn’t caused issues. We both know what’s being paid, we both contribute, and there’s no drama about who spent what.
I’m not saying joint accounts are wrong at all just that they’re not the only way to do things.

AIBU to think if it works for a couple, that’s what matters – rather than there being one “correct” setup?

The OP is asking if joint accounts aren't the only right way to manage money in a marriage. The answers on here suggest that she's correct. Which is fine.

We have separate accounts - savings and current. We also have a joint account from which most bills are paid which we each pay into. There is also a buffer building up in the joint account to cover incidental things that go on in the house such as minor repairs or bills charged annually. I'd like all our bills paid from the joint account and have been changing bank details each time a renewal comes up - nearly there now!
Any big expenditures are discussed and decided jointly how they are funded.

She's just asking a question! And your answer seems to agree with her.

We set a joint account up to pay for our wedding, then once married we continued with it. It makes everything so much easier, bills, going out for meals, buying clothes for the kids. It just comes out of the joint account. We both pay the same amount in each month from our salary as soon as we are paid.

We're married no kids we don't have a joint account.
He moved into my house which already had all bills set up.
He just transfers his share to pay for them.
We just split big expenses

I’ve always found it a bit odd that married couples pool every single penny together, but I’d never judge it. It’s just not for me.

My husband and I have a joint account where on payday we pay half the mortgage into and half the bills. We then each have a ‘joint savings’ pot which is where money from things like family/house sale etc go and then we each have our own current account and ‘personal savings’ pots. I like having my own money and knowing I can go into Boots and spend £30 on random things and I don’t have to even mention it!

Married 30 years ! Never had joint account !
We spend our own money on what we like no questions needed !
And we have never argued over money I dont even think about it !

Separate accounts have always worked for us. DH and I have been together since we were teens. I have adhd and was rather frivolous with money when I was younger and by my own admission I'd have probably bankrupted us both if we had opted for joint accounts when we married 25 years ago. DH has always been very sensible with money.

I am much better now I am in my 50's but it's worked so well for us so we have kept it that way.

You need a joint account AND your own accounts. Both people should be able to access all bills. What would you do if he suddenly died? The joint account is for all bills related to your lives.

Yeah this is what I think.

My name is on all the bills so even though I don't pay so I would find out.

We have separate savings accounts and there should be enough in each account to cover those things until probate sorts it.

Financial transparency is most important. Both people need to know what bills are being paid, monthly out goings etc
Bit shocked at couple mums froends who had no idea their household running costs as dh does everything.

In your situation, if your DH ‘left’, how would you manage financially having to pay 100% of the bills?

I took mat leave and went part time. DH continued to pay the bills and then paid for childcare when I went back to work so I didn't lose out.

And you’d be responsible too.

It really depends on the circumstances and how you feel in your relationship. I’ve seen both sides really, my parents were like you - dad paid 90% of the bills, mum paid groceries and car related expenses - when they separated she couldn’t prove she contributed to anything really and it became messy. I also saw a thread yesterday where someone said they felt betrayed they didn't know how much DHs take home pay was / how much business made - my immediate thought was how on earth do you not know how much your H of 10 years makes. We have everything joint - never had a single dispute about that. My salary comes in first so it pays the bulky bills and then when DPs comes in we live off that. The rest goes in savings pots which are in the joint acc.

We have a joint account where we put bills money to go out with direct debits and we have our own accounts where our own wages go etc, still share paying for holidays etc but this works for us. Of I want more he will send me it or if I want a big purchase and he is out I send it over

That's fine. I have more than enough savings to cover the bills myself. I work as well. I would eventually get access to the money.

It is just being realistic and accepting there are no guarantees in life.

We don't have a shitty partnership. Been married for a long time. DC grown up and doing well. We have a great relationship and enjoy spending time together.

At the beginning I did pay the bills. Still had separate accounts.

I am in a very similar boat as OP. Over /5 years married, we have a joint a/c due to mortgage drawdown in a building project which is handy to hold some small savings …and allows me lodge occasional cheques from my DM in my “married name” (I never changed my name).

We have always split the bills relatively fairly compared to our earnings - DH paid mortgage and some insurances, I covered utilities and groceries and childcare- he tended to cover most date nights and regular socialising/DC activities while I saved for holidays and Christmas.

We both put away savings, and we both had our own money to spend. And if there were particularly high expenses one month, or other reasons why one needed money, we talk about it and give the other what’s needed. Big purchases were also always talked about together before agreeing to buy (or not).

As OP says, it’s about trust. And we each trust the other, and communicate with each other. Through thick and thin.

I will still be able to pay the bills no problem and my name is on all the bills.

We consider money to be joint regardless of what account it’s in and who pays what

Yep. In going on 25 years we've never had a joint account, in fact we've never really agreed anything formal regarding money (like setting a monthly 'fun' allowance). We've just muddled through, taken the view that it's all there for all of us if need be, and done what seems reasonable at the time. Seems to work.

Yes I am not denying that. I am not worried about it. If my husband dies, I will get his pension which will easily cover all the household bills and more.