to think joint accounts aren’t the only “right” way to manage money in a marriage?

[taaay]

Been married over 25 years and we’ve never had a joint account.

We both have our own separate accounts. Husband pays around 90% of the bills and nearly all of the mortgage. I cover food, household bits and my car. It’s just what’s worked for us and it’s been stable for decades.

People often say that everything “should” be joint and that separate finances mean there’s a lack of trust or commitment.

I don’t really agree. I’ve seen quite a few situations where people had joint accounts and one partner emptied it and left, and the other person was stuck with no immediate access to money. That risk alone has always made me wary of pooling everything.

For us, having separate accounts hasn’t caused issues. We both know what’s being paid, we both contribute, and there’s no drama about who spent what.
I’m not saying joint accounts are wrong at all just that they’re not the only way to do things.

AIBU to think if it works for a couple, that’s what matters – rather than there being one “correct” setup?

I’ve never had a joint account nor would I ever.

It just wouldn’t occur to me to entangle myself in this way and leave myself vulnerable in the event of relationship breakdown.

I’m generous and pay my fair share, I just never want to be in a position of not having access to money only I have access to, if that makes sense.

On a separate but related point, I also would never want to not earn my own money and to make myself financially dependent on anyone (a partner, family, the State). It would be unthinkable.

I have a joint account and my own account. I transfer monies into the joint account for my half of the bills.

We don't quibble over small things either e.g. my car had a repair done the other day a DH collected it from the garage so he paid for it but we don't do 'paying each other back' we just take it as family money. Equally I sometimes pay for things

This is the point. You need to be on the same page with regard to money, and to be happy to cover each others expenses etc. To view your overall income as joint money, and each have roughly the same disposable income to 'blow' on whatever you want. Having a joint account isn't totally necessary, but there shouldn't be a big imbalance in personal disposable income.

Too many times we've seen on here that women have to cover their own maternity pay, or pay towards a huge mortgage they can't afford, or not go on holiday while their partner buys a motorbike and a trip to the Caribbean.

It's about equity in finances (especially when children are involved), and not particularly to do with where the money is held (joint account, personal, savings etc)

I just find that really unfair. You are a huge contributing factor as to why your DH earns what he does, do you think he’d be where he is now if you hadn’t been the one to take maternity leave, and I have no doubt make plenty of other sacrifices as a parent.

This is why for me where children are involved it has to be family money, I think it is ludicrous your DH is financially better off than you. I assume his pension is much healthier than yours also?

We’re married 20 years and never had a joint account. We’re luckily mortgage free but we spilt other household bills roughly down the middle, him gas and electricity, me council tax, WiFi and insurances. Then we spilt food costs weekly. We both earn roughly the same and are lucky that we dont need to worry about money. Bigger things we take it in turns- he paid to get the fencing done then a few months later I paid to get a bit of internal building work done.

I would hate anyone to have access to my accounts. I’m more of a spender (several girls trips away a year, concerts, shows etc) whereas he’s not. As it’s my money and doesn’t affect our household, it’s really none of his business!

There is no "right" way. You do what suits your situation and relationship. We have a joint account for practicalities which we contribute relative to our salaries. After that our money is our own.

We do the same - separate accounts but one pays direct debits (insurance, mortgage etc.) and the other does weekly food shops, petrol, clothes etc.

Cards are used interchangeably, and if one of us is a bit low before the bills come out, we move money across. Savings are with whomever has a savings account available to use, and we both have icers.

Childcare funded hours is done through one person, and the other does the child tax credit.

No issues around money - it's always been 'ours', since we started living together (15 years ago) Just couldn't be bothered to set up a joint account!

We haven't but all finances are joint.

We don't have joint accounts, married 14 years and never argue about money. DH pays the mortgage and all bills, and transfers money to me and him into accounts in our own name. We do general spending from those accounts and don't need to check with each other before making purchases. I spend on a credit card in his name and it gets paid in full by direct debit from his main account. I have some things paid for by standing order and direct debits from my own account. Bank transfers once a year to fill up SIPP and ISAs. We view all the money as family money and don't owe each other for anything, it's just different pots where family money sits. It's been easier for admin to keep it separate.

YANBU. Married for 13 years and we've never had one. We've worked out our incoming and outgoings so we're both left with the same amount of spending money a month

It depends. It seems odd to split expenses as a couple with children and it seems very unhealthy as a couple with children to have one parent well off and the other just managing. My ideal would be a joint account plus a private account each with $10,000 "emergency money" or a fixed amount added each week for personal spending. That allows for escape or ready access to funds if one person dies.
But couoles who get together older sometimes maintain financial independence quite well especially if they have similar financial situations.

I have been married 26 years. I have never had, or will never have a joint account with my husband. I pay the morgage, buy the food and pay every thing needed for my car, he pays everything else. My husband cannot be trusted with money and as a result is in a great deal of debt. I do not know what he spends his money on, I have paid for all renovations to our house which includes a new kitchen, a loft conversion and 2 new bathrooms. If we had a joint account, I doubt very much we would have a house, my husband is that rubbish with money. So seperate accounts work well with me

Yikes, it sounds like you are having to pay for most things?

You do whatever works for you. There's no right or wrong way.

My only thought is to make sure you know what each other has & where for estate planning. We do some claims for clients (financial planning) when clients partners' pass. Often people come to us for help after their spouse passes, so working from whatever they give us. I've personally discovered a missing insurance policy among their documents, and had one present us with an investment statement that arrived by post with no idea what it was. No debts, thankfully. It made the job harder & more expensive. I also worry about when DF passes as DM knows nothing & I vaguely know some of it. He's very private about it. I know it's messy. Just discovered a debt he has to a family member DM thought was paid off. It'll be a nightmare to sort.

It is whatever you are comfortable with.

I told DH I wouldn't be comfortable being a SAHM without full access to all income and joint savings. Sometimes kids need something and it would be a pain to always be reconciling expenses.

Having an equal amount of personal spending money sent to our own accounts works well for our own expenses such as date nights, hobbies or personal care etc.

We’ve been married for years and have a joint account, because what’s the point in not having one? The money in the marriage is jointly owned anyway.

Of course it's fine for every couple to do what works for them! We opened a joint account before we got married, we were probably a bit naive (we were 21) but it's all worked out 😊 we are now mid 40s and still have the set up, never had any issues.

DH earned more than me for the first few years and later for a few years when I retrained. I currently earn about 20k more than him. But I earned more the rest of the time. Didn't matter who earned more, we have always been happy to put all in one pot and share our income fairly. We've never viewed money as belonging to one or the other. We are a partnership.

I guess we are lucky it's worked out for us.

We've one joint savings account too.

Good advice.

We have documents with the details.

Hmm - not sure you're getting a fair deal here! He likes expensive cars and golfing.. and you buy a pot of mid range face cream?

Agree there's no one correct way.

I do think on the whole that a married couple should consider their overall finances to be "joint" in terms of decision making.

A joint account for our salaries and bills, with an equal amount transferred to each of our personal accounts to cover our "personal" spends works for us. I spend less than my husband on social and hobbies, but also struggle sometimes to justify other spending on myself. Having personal spends means that I can remind myself I have a pot to treat myself to nice things with and also not worry about what my husband is spending his money on either.

It's about the individuals and the relationship. Joint accounts have worked for my OH and me because we're so similar in savings and spending habits, but we're also open to working in new ways and yo new ideas.

My brother has always spent more than he earned. His marriage was doomed because of this. Money and raising children.... Big impact on marriage. That and interior design choices, of course. 😜

"equally your husband could stop paying his share of the bills and you won't know until the bailiffs turn up at your door."

My ex did this. I had no idea until they arrived to change the locks.

My dh (not that ex) and I have both joint and personal accounts.

Whatever works for you. Lots of my friends are changing deeds on house so partner doesnt automatically inherit their half. Idea is to protect kids against early death and partner remarrying.

Indeed. I find it interesting I’ve asked a couple of posters for clarity on the discrepancy and they haven’t responded, they know their situation isn’t fair, some denial going on here I think.

But this thread has been interesting, I don’t think it’s not having a joint account that’s the issue, that’s just a logistical matter that can be overcome in different ways. But I will never, ever think it’s right a married couple have (where there are children at least) differing amounts of money.