to think joint accounts aren’t the only “right” way to manage money in a marriage?

[taaay]

Been married over 25 years and we’ve never had a joint account.

We both have our own separate accounts. Husband pays around 90% of the bills and nearly all of the mortgage. I cover food, household bits and my car. It’s just what’s worked for us and it’s been stable for decades.

People often say that everything “should” be joint and that separate finances mean there’s a lack of trust or commitment.

I don’t really agree. I’ve seen quite a few situations where people had joint accounts and one partner emptied it and left, and the other person was stuck with no immediate access to money. That risk alone has always made me wary of pooling everything.

For us, having separate accounts hasn’t caused issues. We both know what’s being paid, we both contribute, and there’s no drama about who spent what.
I’m not saying joint accounts are wrong at all just that they’re not the only way to do things.

AIBU to think if it works for a couple, that’s what matters – rather than there being one “correct” setup?

Was your name not on the bills? I see the bills so I know they get paid by DH.

As long as you both know how much each others earns and are open about things fine. I would keep my accounts seperate but would rather have a joint account for bills and mortgage and funds in there for food, kids etc. I think paying proportionally is also best. Then what’s left if yours

The only issue is, what happens when someone becomes ill in hospital, say in a coma, or dies. I know this situation has happened to two people I know this year. For those reason myself and dh, are arranging an appointment to make the account that is in dh name only, where all the household bills come out from a joint one. We also have another joint account and our own accounts. I don't want to have accounts frozen and be unable to do anything in the event of one of the above happening.

That makes sense.

For me, if DH died and his account was frozen, I can manage all the bills myself.

I don’t really think of it like that.

New bathroom project on the go - he’s paying .

He bought me my car - I run and maintain it so don’t feel like I’m disadvantaged at all despite the discrepancies in salaries. so guess I’m not too bothered if he has more spending money than me - I benefit too as do my DCs.

As for pensions, I have my own private pension and we have a lot of equity in our family home so that is part of our retire discussions.

I don’t feel I’m in denial, I m lucky I live a comfortable life and choose to work and have my own money. As I said, these threads are always interesting and thought provoking.

Married for 30 years, no joint accounts. Now thinking of jointing our accounts (but having our own joint accounts IYSWIM) to make it easier when we pop our clogs.

Never had a joint account and I pay all bills, mortgage, food etc. In our situation partner works PT and is able to be the saver in the family. In our culture it would be a no-no to dictate to your partner what do. Also, if you're in a controlling relationship escaping joint finances is a nightmare. Remember its a partnership

More fool you is all I can say.