AIBU to be annoyed the breakfast bowls were still in the table 24hrs later?

[Tigerswift]

I work 11hrs on a Thursday and Friday- I work full time.

My partner and father of our kids works 2 days a week and is carer for our eldest- who cannot be home alone due to anxiety but doesnt need hands on physical care.

I came home last night and the breakfast things were still on the table. Context was I suggested he make a lasagne for a friend who has come out of hospital.

We have just had a terrible row in which he told me I was being unreasonable that I was upset they were still there this morning.

Am I being unreasonable?

TBF making a lasagne whilst eating your breakfast is impressive.

Absolutely, and I'd be really cross too if I was OP.

YABU what does it matter, why sweat the small stuff, isn’t there enough crap in life without worrying about a few bowls. And could you not have out your own in the sink to soak and washed it up later?

Totally not unreasonable. I went on a last minute holiday with our children while partner stayed home to work (he encouraged us to go, it was the end of my mat leave and he couldn't take the time off). Came back a week later and the kids breakfast leftovers were still out (and hard as a brick!) I was fuming !

Seems there is more of an underlying issue here. Possibly you feel a little bit resentful and given the circumstances so would I. My husband doesnt work and I do, he does actually do loads of stuff to run the house but on odd occasions if I put washing on the line before work and its still there at 5pm, I inwardly get cross but I wouldnt say anything. So I think its OK for you to be annoyed. On the other hand you dont say how old your child is. Is he school age and being home schooled? What happens to him/her on 2 days your partner works?

A tricky one. If I was your husband and I’d been busy all day, and made that lasagne, and you told me off for not moving those bowls, I might not be overjoyed either. Equally it’s not nice to come home and feel you need to clear the table. Yes they should have been cleared. Whose were they? Maybe a conversation to have with everyone about minimum standards expected, and why (so the next person doesn’t have to clear up before organising the next meal or using the table in some way.)

If I was your husband and I’d been busy all day, and made that lasagne, and you told me off for not moving those bowls,

But how was @Tigerswift ‘s husband “busy all day”? Their DC just needs an adult there, not particularly hands-on active care. There was a lasagne to make - 1 hour tops, and 30 minutes of that is cooking it in the oven!

What else has this lazy arse man got to do? Clearly he did nothing.

If this was the other way around a woman said, "I work PT and take 2 days off to care for my disabled child. My husband left his breakfast bowl on the table, instructed me to make a lasagne for a sick friend and went to work. I forgot to clear the bowls off the table whilst I was busy with other tasks, including making the lasagne, and he is cross with me." The responses would be very different.

Making a lasagne from scratch doesn't take all day. He will have had plenty of time to move the breakfast crockery. It sounds as though you work much harder than he does if you are working full time with 11 hour days and he is working only two days a week. You have said that your eldest child doesn't need hands-on care. Do they need a lot of attention from their dad, making it difficult for him to find time to do some household chores?

Absolutely this

always the case on here

His DD doesn’t need active hands on care. It’s in the OP, FFS!

Indeed it would probably have been therapeutic for a highly anxious teenager to have helped both clearing breakfast things and making a lasagne

And why didn’t the DH make st least 2 lasagne dishes, so that his own family had a meal ready for them? Lasagne is a good batch cook freezer staple in my house.

Absolutely. Everyone would be banging on about the disrespectful DH treating his wife like a maid/skivvy/servant.

Was the dishwasher emptied?

I work a 12 hour shift and it is absolutely exhausting,14 hours including the driving.
When I get home my house is a palace ,my husband ensures I can walk in through the door and flop with a glass of wine.

Do you leave your dirty dishes on the table in the morning for him to deal with like the OP did?

You are very unreasonable to cause a ‘terrible row’ over bowls left on the table.