AIBU to be annoyed the breakfast bowls were still in the table 24hrs later?

[Tigerswift]

I work 11hrs on a Thursday and Friday- I work full time.

My partner and father of our kids works 2 days a week and is carer for our eldest- who cannot be home alone due to anxiety but doesnt need hands on physical care.

I came home last night and the breakfast things were still on the table. Context was I suggested he make a lasagne for a friend who has come out of hospital.

We have just had a terrible row in which he told me I was being unreasonable that I was upset they were still there this morning.

Am I being unreasonable?

Whose breakfast things were they?

I would be upset too. But I find it best to leave it and not tidy it up, but I should imagine like me there is more stuff that irritates you.

What has the lasagne got to do with the breakfast dishes?

Its not great that the dishes were still there, anyone in the household could have moved them from the table to the sink in about 10 seconds though surely?

Are you thinking he should have done it because he is home, and him annoyed you thought it should be his job alone to move them?

Your children sound old enough to be clearing their own things from the table so that's what I'd be working on.

Does that really matter? OP is out working full time and headed off for an 11 hour shift, surely the person who is at home all day and only works two days a week could pick up the pots and wash them on this occasion?

I'd find that annoying too...I suppose you could have just asked him to move them, but I imagine tiredness after your day played an understandable part!

make your kids do it - I don’t know how old they are but they sound old enough to be clearing their plates off the table

Unless your children are so young (say below age 5) they they can’t carry their own stuff to the sink/dishwasher without a risk of breakage), time to implement a family rule that each person clears their own stuff away after they finish.

But not, YANBU - your DH had plenty of time to do it or make the DC do it. (You are only BU if your own breakfast stuff is there and you didn’t put it away either)

Why should she have to ask?

Sounds like another lazy man who thinks that his female partner should be clearing up after him and making all the 'parenting' effort - ie getting DC who are old enough to clear up after themselves.

I bet this is the tip of a very big iceberg.

And the children are not capable?

You're tired - and maybe resentful of your partner's easier life.

It's not about breakfast bowls.

Thanks. Good question. Everyone's things. So thats me being unreasonable right? My bowl was left too. Ok thanks.

Yes thats right. He feels he didnt have time to clear the table as he made lasagne.

Yeah it matters.

If the dishes were the OP’s and they just left them there expecting them to be cleaned away because they work 11 hours a day- that would be pretty shitty behaviour.

If they were the partner’s, it’s lazy.

Bollocks he didnt have time.

Why doesn’t everyone just put their own bowl in the dishwasher when they’re finished? This includes children.

Do you really just get up and walk away leaving your own plates on the table?!

Jesus - do you snap at everyone like that normally?

And if hes going to go down this road then make sure you only clean/tidy/wash your own stuff from now on.

Should everyone sort their own?

Oh no. Snapping at you? No genuinely appreciative of your persepective. No snark. My thanks were genuine.

Yes so thats my entitlement - that my bowl as amidst the things. Its really helpful.

No. I have the same argument with DH daily. Despite telling him how it makes me feel, he hasn’t changed therefore I will be leaving him today 😊

I’m sorry.

I misread it.

If it’s any consolation, I would have cleaned the bowls away for you. And I was the first vote in YANBU 🙂

I’m not being deliberately snarky, but you got up from the table and left your crockery on it? I do find that odd!

So there are 3 people in the house hold who possibly could have done it? The rest of your family need to be trained to clear up behind them.

And yes, your DH should have washed the breakfast dishes along with the lasagne dishes. What's a few cereal bowls?

He's either lazy or an eejit and you need to get a dishwasher of the electric type).