To not want to talk to my neighbours?

[Oncemorewithsome]

Until very recently we lived in a city. Where we have come from, neighbours generally don’t speak to each other. On the rare occasion someone has stuck around for a while, we might give a polite nod to each other or an ‘alright. In my area this is all very normal and not considered rude.

We just moved to a town. The new neighbours stopped to talk for about 20minutes. I am now feeling very claustrophobic about the whole idea of living with imposed socialising whenever you put the bins out. I really have no desire to chat to my neighbours unless there is some issue.

I know, I know I’m a grumpy old so and so…. But it’s honestly made me feel a bit worried. Do people talk to random people all the time in towns? What if you’re feeling rubbish and just want to get a job done are you obliged to stop and chat when you see people you know? The rules all seem different!

This is weird.

we’ve lived next door to our current neighbours for 5 years. We have helped each other out, shared drinks etc over that time.

a previous neighbour was a huge help when the hospital started sending information about my wife’s cancer treatment to an old address as she new the new occupier and worked at the hospital.

the world is a sadder place without communication

Jesus Christ people need to grow up.

Don’t make your neighbours think you’re totally weird - you might need them one day too.
You might even make new friends - shocked horror!!
Btw never ever go walking in the National Parks - you say hello to total strangers! (It’s actually really nice).

This is me. I'm not social at all but I make the effort once in a while to stop and chat and ask about the family etc then I feel the rest of the time a quick "morning" as I hurry past will suffice.

Nothing to say, apart from am in awe of your name, BuffetTheDietSlayer

I live in Yorkshire, if i ever catch a bus or train you always end up knowing someone's life story before you get off! I love it!! Also my ability to find common ground with anyone and chat is fantastic, in my eyes that's a good trait.

You're feeling claustrophobic by one conversation? They were probably just being friendly and welcoming. It's not necessarily a sign of things to come.

We've lived in our neighborhood for 20 years and stop to chat on occasions, but have never 'socialised'. Except during covid when we had street parties, but they were totally optional.

Relax they’re just being friendly. Moving forward get in the habit of having something to do after 5mins chat. Sorry June must dash, got to pick the kids up from karate.

I’m from Yorkshire but now down south. I really miss the way everyone chats to anyone.

In case you were considering it, do not move to, or possibly even visit Yorkshire or any further north.

I am lucky. I have really lovely neighbours on both sides and across the road. We help each other ie neighbour fell over and wife called us for help ..happy to get him off the floor,other neighbour has recently had a baby and have looked after baby so she can get some rest ,other neighbour came over and rescued my dog when I was going to be 4 hours late from work!
We live in a road where houses are detached and £800k + so not on top of each other,we are just normal people who like to be helpful.

You aren’t forced to. Move to a city if community isn’t for you.

Just have a 'must go' face on and say 'hi' on your way past. Nice to say hello, chat for 2 minutes, no-one has time for 20 minutes a few times a week, not anyone I know anyway. I like to keep on good terms with my neighbours though as we have had boundary issues, fences, bins, animals escaping, footballs over the years and it's horrible if they are anything less than distantly pleasant.

That totally acceptable, just choose to live in an area either likeminded people!

Conversation is not mindless. Chatting about the weather, the bin collection timetable, the opening hours of the recycling center, the problem with littering in the area, how nice the local park looks etc. These are the things that build communities in my view.

I have great neighbours. When I first moved in we had some we talked to but gradually people moved and new people came. A lovely couple down the road still live here from when my eldest was a toddler and wandered down the street and came back with £1 for helping weed the garden!! She often chats when passing with her dogs and my daughter shares a hobby with her now so she asks after her and talks to her when she’s out with me. Others not so much. Often a nod of hello and not much. But Covid really changed things when we all went out for the weekly clapping. Started to meet the shift workers we never saw much. We have one neighbour who knows everyone’s business as he chats to lots of people. Retired so often keen to speak if his family have been out all day. Lovely though and will come over and help with jobs that need doing. Usually puts bins in for the more immediate neighbours as parking can be a pain and we are all out at work.

The estate I grew up on was great. Kids all played together. Parents often had parties together to rt at Christmas and new year. We moved away from that street quite young but I still bump into some of the then kids now adults.

Yes. I agree. OP doesn’t. So a town, village isn’t for her

Oncemorewithsome Your post made me smile, it’s nice to know I’m not the only mizhog in town! 😂 I moved from London to a town 16 months ago, I made the mistake of being to friendly to my 4 neighbours by doing all the gardening in the communal beds. Made the gargantuan error of complaining about the neighbours cat shitting, no exaggeration it was 4” deep in a 2 metre area on one bed, now I’ve been sent to Coventry. Ha, got there in the end, stony silence suits me fine 😂😂

My late dad used to have bus friends. He would get the same bus into town some days for lunch and would often see the same people. Even the bus drivers got to know him. He’d get birthday cards off them some years.

But then don't move into a friendly place and be a snooty antisocial person.

We get this with incoming rude Londoners moving in

They were just being friendly. I live in a cul de sac and will speak to my next door neighbours on one side as the kids play out together and say hello to the other side.

The rest of them i couldn't pick out of a lineup and I call them by their nicknames (not to their face obviously!) e.g. loud car guy, silent lady, golf boy etc.

Home counties, friends with close neighbours and friendly acquaintances with several others on the road. Same at last place I lived too, and we still keep in touch. Before that I was in a flat in a large town (also SE) and other than a chat with a lovely old couple who told me to let them know if his piano playing bothered them, I don't recall speaking to any others. I do think people have become friendlier though. Or maybe I have!

i didn't realise what life waa like without nice friendly neighbours till I moved. we used to live up a small road with a few houses around. no one was intrusive but we said hello stopped a talked about good wearher etc. new people moved down the end and lord they were so weird never waved or spoke ( we live in Ireland by the way ) she works in the supermarket and I avoid going to her checkout now as its so odd. we moved to a place that fulls up in the summer with tourists but empties in winter. it was quite a bit isolating with no one living in the houses around you. I am only in my mid 40s but have no children wfh and husband works long hours self employed. not looking for best friends but a wave or nod when you see your neighbours stop every so often when out walking the dog talk about weather the price of diesel how crap tke country is getting 😂 now moved back home I only know the neighbours across to road and next door out of 10 houses and we hear 2 years. I only got to know the house next door after I found the husband walking around my garden ( he has dementia ) and got him safely home. his family were very grateful to me ( he now in a home the poor thing ) but family keep me updated aswell as they know am there if the wife needs help. its not intrusive we are not in each others ear but there if need something. that's what neighbours are for. manners cost nothing a smile nod or hello does you no harm. however if you still don't want to see anyone have a chat to Elon musk he looking for people to move to the moon

Just mumble to yourself every time you go out you will soon see the neighbours giving you a wide berth lol

This happened with a lovely elderly neighbour who I actually adored but who would often want to tell me everything under the sun or about their lives when I really needed to just get from my front door to the car and go to work. I'd stop and chat on the weekends but it did always feel like I was (as an introvert) putting myself out a bit in order for them to have someone to chat to. Which is fine and I'm glad I did but yeah not the easiest and I'd sometimes try and time going out to avoid them (awful and guilt ridden but still can I live!).