Page 2 | to cuddle a man?

R0XY · 2026-05-01T22:10:33+00:00

I have a close male friend. Sometimes he stays over at my place and we sleep in the same bed. (I only have one bed) Often I wake up and he is holding me/cuddled up to me. It’s comforting for us both. Is this actually OK? I feel confused.

WallaceinAnderland · Yesterday 00:15

Would you really be ok with your husband sleeping in a bed with another woman and cuddling her. You wouldn't think that was at all inappropriate?

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · Yesterday 00:19

R0XY · 01/05/2026 23:31

Our relationship is platonic. If my girl friend stayed over she sleeps in my bed. But we don’t cuddle and I would find it strange if we did !

Im confused because on one hand it’s a platonic thing but on the other hand it wouldn’t happen with a female friend.

Also if it’s OK to platonically cuddle in bed when you’re single then why is it not if you’re not single.

it makes me feel like it just shouldn’t be happening.

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Something can be platonic, and yet still something that you don't do in a relationship because it would bother your partner.

I'm male, my best friend is female. Many years ago when we were both single, we'd go down to London or Manchester or wherever for gigs, and share a hotel room. We'd get a twin room, so separate beds. We'd change in a bathroom, so noone ever saw any nudity or whatever. There was never any suggestion of anything happening, it was entirely platonic.

We don't do that now we're in relationships. We still go away for gigs occasionally, but always separate rooms. Our partners would be uncomfortable with it, so we don't do it.

Same with you and hugging your mate. It can be platonic, but still something you probably wouldn't do when you're in a relationship because it's likely to be disrespectful to your partner.

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · Yesterday 00:20

R0XY · 01/05/2026 23:20

We are both currently single.
Neither of us are gay.

Can I ask though. Why would it not be ok if either of us had partners. Surely it’s either ok or not ok. This is why I’m confused.

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Eh?
You're both single. You're not gay.
Do you enjoy it?
If so, what's the problem?
What is there to be confused about if you were to both have partners? Surely you can understand that if you were both in relationships it's usually not OK to be cuddling and sleeping in the same bed?
(added the word usually there as this is MN and I'm no doubt going to offend someone telling me I'm bigoted towards the threesome community lol)

Original poster

R0XY · Yesterday 00:20

WallaceinAnderland · Yesterday 00:15

Would you really be ok with your husband sleeping in a bed with another woman and cuddling her. You wouldn't think that was at all inappropriate?

I wouldn’t be ok with it.

Thats why I’m confused. Is it ok to do it until either of us have partners but then all of a sudden it’s not. Cause there’s no sexual element to it at all.

I wouldn’t do it by the way. Out of respect for the other people but it just seems kind of hypocritical.

OP posts:

Original poster

R0XY · Yesterday 00:22

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · Yesterday 00:19

Something can be platonic, and yet still something that you don't do in a relationship because it would bother your partner.

I'm male, my best friend is female. Many years ago when we were both single, we'd go down to London or Manchester or wherever for gigs, and share a hotel room. We'd get a twin room, so separate beds. We'd change in a bathroom, so noone ever saw any nudity or whatever. There was never any suggestion of anything happening, it was entirely platonic.

We don't do that now we're in relationships. We still go away for gigs occasionally, but always separate rooms. Our partners would be uncomfortable with it, so we don't do it.

Same with you and hugging your mate. It can be platonic, but still something you probably wouldn't do when you're in a relationship because it's likely to be disrespectful to your partner.

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Because we are the opposite sex.

People don’t trust their partners do they.

OP posts:

CurlewKate · Yesterday 00:24

Do you both like it?

Arregaithel · Yesterday 00:25

It's not hypocrisy, it's respectfulness, to their partner.

Nothing to do with trust in the slightest.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · Yesterday 00:29

R0XY · Yesterday 00:22

Because we are the opposite sex.

People don’t trust their partners do they.

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Lots of people do trust their partners. DP trusts me, she's never been concerned that anything is going on between me and my friend.

She's never had to ask us not to share a hotel room, because I've never suggested that we do it once in a relationship. It's not a trust issue, it's a respect issue.

In your specific situation, as you say, it's not about sex. But you are getting something from your friend, that if you were in a relationship, you'd probably be getting from your partner instead. You're getting intimacy, comfort from them. It's platonic, but it's still intimate. Fine while you're both single, but if you're in a relationship then your partner is likely to be upset that you're going to someone else for that kind of comfort rather than them.

WallaceinAnderland · Yesterday 00:36

Is it ok to do it until either of us have partners but then all of a sudden it’s not.

Yes, provided you are both happy about it. It sounds like you are not 100% onboard with the cuddling so don't do it if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Just tell him not to cuddle you.

Dimms · Yesterday 00:42

Nobody is this stupid.

DryadsRest · Yesterday 00:48

Some people automatically cuddle up to someone when they’re asleep - they like physical closeness. It’s not necessarily sexual

Firefly1987 · Yesterday 00:51

R0XY · 01/05/2026 23:54

Yes it’s comforting to me. I mentioned it to a friend who has blown up about it. Saying it’s weird and needs to stop. She more or less compared it with incest.

I know it all sounds naïve. I’m not young (39) and I’ve had a traumatic couple of years. It makes me confused/sad that my other friend has turned the whole thing inside out.

I take on board the comments from people and I apologise if I sound like a complete tit.

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Yes it’s comforting to me. I mentioned it to a friend who has blown up about it. Saying it’s weird and needs to stop. She more or less compared it with incest.

Eh? What has incest got to do with it? Is he a cousin or something?!

AlongtheWall · Yesterday 00:54

Sometimes therapy is good.

Bobbles888 · Yesterday 07:25

He wants to shag you… he is testing the water!

Madarch · Yesterday 07:31

Cuddling when single is totally fine. You may (but equally, may not) find yourself having a conversation at some point about whether your friendship is going to develop into something more but, for now, just enjoy the cuddles.

MouseCheese87 · Yesterday 07:34

R0XY · Yesterday 00:22

Because we are the opposite sex.

People don’t trust their partners do they.

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If your boyfriend was snuggling up to other women in bed and not you, I'm sure you'd have good reason not to trust him. Whether it's platonic or not, it's very physically intimate. He probably would shag you though, if you expressed interest.

Flannelfeet · Yesterday 07:37

MrsShawnHatosy · 01/05/2026 23:32

As long as you are both single I don’t see the issue. Humans need contact.

Have you been watching animal kingdom?

Just with your username I was wondering 🤔 🤣

MiddleClassProblem · Yesterday 07:48

Because when you have a partner you have to consider how another person would feel.

It can be platonic and intimate which is fine but with a partner you tend to put boundaries in place.

Catza · Yesterday 08:02

WrylyAmused · Yesterday 00:08

This will go against all the other Mumsnet responses, because this topic always does.

I'm poly. I'm mid 40s. I have a long term female partner and a long term male partner. I also share a bed platonically, on occasion, individually, and often when travelling, with a good proportion of both my male and female friends. Some of them, we cuddle. Some of them, we don't.

It's weird to the majority because we're brought up to think that physical closeness and comfort is something one should only do with a single, monogamous sexual partner. But that comes from old Judeo-Christian morality, and you can choose for yourself whether that's something you want to care about.

If you can get past the social conditioning, then platonically sharing a bed and cuddling is a pleasant but not particularly important activity which carries about as much weight as a childhood sleepover. Neither of my partners gives a shit about it, because they're secure and well adjusted. And cuddles are nice.

And, when I have, in the past and on occasion, been in a monogamous relationship, I have spoken about cuddling others to my partner at the time, and actually, they've all been fine with it, because I don't tend to date people who don't challenge conventional thinking, nor lack trust or are insecure, so it's also possible to find people who are monogamous and are also fine with cuddling others, although I'll agree it's probably rarer than in poly circles.

Edited to add, some of the people I cuddle with are in monogamous relationships. And it only happens if their partners are also fine with it. It's not nearly as uncommon as the responses here will make you think.

Edited

I'm not poly but I agree with this. It is very much social conditioning. Other cultures can be a lot more open to it. I have certainly cuddled female friends in bed, especially, at the time where they needed emotional support. I also have a best male friend with whom we shared a bed in the past. Physical contact is normal.

PumpkinScarf · Yesterday 08:17

If you’re cuddling in bed, it’s more than friendship. Where is the confusion? You’re 39, grow up.

Lmnop22 · Yesterday 08:28

R0XY · 01/05/2026 23:54

Yes it’s comforting to me. I mentioned it to a friend who has blown up about it. Saying it’s weird and needs to stop. She more or less compared it with incest.

I know it all sounds naïve. I’m not young (39) and I’ve had a traumatic couple of years. It makes me confused/sad that my other friend has turned the whole thing inside out.

I take on board the comments from people and I apologise if I sound like a complete tit.

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Incest? To cuddle someone you’re not related to? That’s batshit.

If you are sure you’re both on the same page and neither is hoping for more and standing to get hurt then crack on! If one of you got into a relationship you’d possibly have to reconsider depending on whatever boundaries were put in place within that relationship and the comfort level of the new partner.

gannett · Yesterday 08:34

I'm confused as to what you're asking OP.

Yes, platonic bed-sharing and cuddling is OK. You both seem to derive non-sexual comfort from it and that's great. It won't be for everyone - it wouldn't be for me, I like my own space - but it doesn't have to be.

If you were in relationships then it would have to be OK with your partners. Everyone has different boundaries. Personally I believe you when you say it's entirely platonic but not everyone will be comfortable with it. You get to choose whether you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want you to cuddle your friend, of course.

VioletandMauve · Yesterday 08:37

What a palaver! If you enjoy the cuddling carry on with it. If you don’t, then ask him to stop. It’s not difficult.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · Yesterday 09:04

I had this years ago with a male platonic friend, turned out he secretly fancied me. We ended up dating and it ruined our friendship as he changed completely then.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · Yesterday 09:06

With me he usually didn’t cuddle but one night in bed with him (he’d broken up from a girlfriend) he cuddled me in his sleep. To be honest I froze in that scenario as it felt more than friends would do.