To think my dd is very young to be pregnant

[Nantobeb777]

Just 23

Given that people on here seem to believe grandmothers exist to provide free childcare, I think I’d be a bit crestfallen if my DC had children young & I was facing a future of being endlessly hassled to look after small children / being resented any time I didn’t drop everything to babysit!

Unless some back story, YABU- it’s fine.

It's young by current societal standards in most Western countries, but biologically it's probably the perfect age to have a baby.

Why do you ask? It's not like there's anything you can do about it, is there?

That’s an ideal age tbh. Get a grip.

It is younger than average now, but it's not so much about age as being settled and happy, which happens for us all at different ages. And doctors do say before 25 is better (though we all know amazing mums who had no problems in their 40s).
It used to be the norm to marry and have kids young, and while it's different now in that mums still work, if she's started in her career she'll be protected by equality laws, and there's no reason she can't seek promotion as soon as she's ready-even if she wants to wait until the child's in high school, she will still be able to do that easily,

I had my 3rd when I was 22. We managed to, and by the time I was 40 they were all adults and we were able to have all the nights out and holidays that we had missed out on while they were babies .

My mum had me at 23 and I was her third. She was an absolutely brilliant mother. She had a very successful career after she had her children.

It's a bit young, but not VERY young.

I don't know if you're coming back to the thread @Nantobeb777 But....

23, and single, with no job, and living with you still?

OR 23, working, in a relationship, and with her own place?

HUGE difference.

Why is it too young? I was married a year by the time I was pregnant at 23. Have birth a few months after I turned 24, then had my second when I was 28. I’ve now been with my husband for 20 years, married for 12, with an 11 and 8 year old children and despite having mental health issues from childhood traumas, I am in a lovely phase of my life.
The only thing it could have done was dented my career but as a prison teacher I was able to do only 2 days anyway.

It depends. Mainly on how she feels.

it would have been very young for me. I had just graduated and was starting out. Working long hours pushing for that first promotion while also studying for a masters. Would have put my plans back a few years. I also had plans for a big blow out holiday to celebrate the promotion - a pregnancy and baby would have really cramped my style!

but how does she feel - does it derail anything?

I think it's the perfect age if you're ready to be a mum then.

Yeah, this. ^ I know a number of women who spend all of their free time babysitting their grandchildren, and even looking after them while their daughters are at work, 3-4 days a week some of them. They have no life of their own at all. Started having kids at 24-26 y.o. and looked after them til late 40s/early 50s, and have been looking after the grandkids for the last decade now. Nearly pensioners, and still looking after little kids!

.

It's younger than average, but certainly not abnormally young. I was 22 when I had my first.

In my world that is super young. But I don’t know anyone who had a child before 30.
23 wouldn’t be my choice, but as long as she and her husband can afford to raise their child without depending on the state to support them financially then good luck to them.

I think it's very young to have a baby. I know people who have done it (including close family) and don't think it's a great age to have a baby (apart from physically).

People are adults at 18 but brain development continues until mid twenties.
I would rather some more life experience before having children.

Too young imo. I went travelling at 27 , wouldn't have had the money to go before that. Was so glad not to have been tied down. But I suppose everyone's priorities are different. Met partner whilst travelling so 30 was the ideal age for me to start having dc.

Great age. She'll have bags of energy.

On Mumsnet, the happiness of the people you love the most is "not your responsibility," you have no obligation to invite an elderly lone parent for Christmas, and if your husband turns out to be a human being instead of a perfect robot, LTB!!! As for extended family, they might as well be strangers. How do you not know this!! 🤪

Oh - and once you marry and have kids, your parents and siblings are extended family.

And if your mother won't look after your kids, it's perfectly reasonable not to let her see them. She may be upset, but her happiness is not your responsibility!!!!

Depends on her circumstances, if she is happy, her relationship stable and they have a decent home, it should be fine.

😆

I had my first at 26 and to be honest, I wish I'd have enjoyed a carefree life for a few more years as the responsibility is, of course, huge.
Having said that, I do see the advantages of being 45 with an 18 yo who is very self-sufficent.
My youngest is 5 and going through peri with a young child isn't always easy (but didn't meet my now husband until I was later 30s so these things aren't always "perfect" in terms of timing).

I had two kids by then. I have three under 30. It was my decision and it’s what worked best for us. My mum had her first at 19 and her last in her 40s, she found the earlier ones much easier. There’s pros and cons to having your kids early, but one big pro is it’s generally easier on your body.

Mid 20's I would not say is 'very young'. Many women have babies at this age.

Before reading the thread I thought very young as being someone aged 16-19.

Agree . Way too young to get bogged down with kids . I think 30 is perfect . Young people should live their lives first

What a horrible turn of phrase! ' being bogged down with kids. Why do you assume its a chore for young people to have children.

As for young people loving their lives, unbelievably for some people to understand, this is what some young people want to do and many do it extremely well.

Not eveyone wants a career and travel. Some people like staying in their home town and taking jobs that suit their circumstances. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.