AIBU to be fed up with my in-laws' reverse one-upmanship?

[GreenPoppies]

I know I'm not being unreasonable because making disparaging comments about someone elses choices is always rude but does anyone else get so annoyed by reverse one-upmanship?

My in-laws are the ultimate in this. We are going on holiday to Portugal in August and they are flabbergasted that we are flying. "But why can't you just drive? It's so brilliant. We love driving. The views from the motorway are second to none. I don't understand why you're flying" Because, Not-So-Dear In-Laws, we have 9 month old and a 2 year old, and 2-3 days of driving is neither comfortable nor practical. "But just do it all in one go, it's only 24 hours if you drive non-stop, you'll be fine, it's so much fun, I don't understand why anybody would fly there in 2 hours when you could drive there in 24! Such luxury!".

We took our (then) 18 month old camping last year in our 4 man tent. "you sat on CHAIRS?! Oh wow, that's crazy, I can't believe you sat on chairs, we would just sit on a tesco bag. And that tent may as well be a castle, we just prop up a tarp and sleep under that, no need for sleeping bags, it's so much fun to camp without all the unnecessary extras".

We were once on a walking holiday with them and I mentioned (didn't make a fuss or anything) that I needed to stop at a shop. When they pressed ("why on earth do you need a shop? Just sustain yourself on beer for 3 days!") I said I needed some plasters as a stone had got into my walking boot and rubbed my foot raw, I'd bled all over my sock. I was made out to be the most precious princess ever, to this day I'm ribbed about "can't even do a 6 hour walk without needing a plaster the next day! We just walked through the blood!"

I'm getting fed up of gritting my teeth and putting up with it. I've bitten back a few times and told them to shut up if they can't say anything nice but again, I'm seen as 'dramatic' and it's ignored. I now try and avoid them but obviously they are my kid's grandparents and otherwise not bad people so needs must.

It feels like they assign a moral worth to anyone who does not suffer like bloody Christ on the cross! I'm a second rate human being because I fly, camp in a tent, use plasters and god-forbid breathe bloody oxygen. The fact I've run 10+ ultramarathons (so fully know what discomfort feels like) goes ignored....

Arghh I feel better for that rant now :)

Ha ha im really loving some of these replies. This would drive me crazy too. I’d probably do a combination of ‘yes, it’s great isn’t it’ and just seeing them less. However, the one about the plaster - that would really piss me off. That is not just feel good onedowmmanship, that is really unpleasant. I’d say bullying type behaviour.
If they tried to keep that one going I’d lean into it. Eg ‘I’m so happy that me in pain is such an ongoing source of amusement and pleasure for you - do let me known when you need hospital treatment so we can all have a good chuckle together.’ And if the subject of going on holiday with them comes up again : ‘No thanks. Last time I went on holiday with you, you belittled me and made entertainment of my pain. You still find amusement in it. Why would I ever willingly holiday with you again? They would be under no illusions how I felt about that.

Eeeee I love hearing stories about how things were done in the olden days …… would be my response!

@PrettyPickle excellent advise.

The underlying truth however is controlling people who seek their own power by undermining people and proving them wrong all the time.

They sound hilarious! - think Monty Python shed sketch!

I would just laugh at them ...

Exactly what I was thinking!

This is a bit like my elderly parents, but their foibles are not as grating, who cannot fathom that others may do things differently from them. This extends to all sorts of different things in life. When they were last round at our house we offered a drink before dinner and they asked for something I would definitely describe as niche, but which they have at home. In the 30 plus years since I've had my own place, they've never asked for this drink so it's not as if I should have got some in to be a better host.

Or, to quote Shirley Valentine; , "I'm not sayin' she's a bragger, but if you've been to Paradise, she's got a season ticket

Over 21 years I have learned that whatever I say to my MIL will elicit a comment aboit how she would have done whatever I talk about, so now I dont talk to her except to answer questions in the shortest possible way which offers no information. It's awful. But protects me.

Your in-laws sound like my parents. They are always horrified to hear we have booked a holiday full stop - "we don't need that, we've got a nice beach hut down the road, what a waste of money blah blah". I try not to mention when we have a holiday booked as its always "oh noooo, not another one" as if I've just said "oh I think I'll shoot up some heroin today mother".

And when my mother saw I owned a steam mop - "what's wrong with the good old ways, you can get a floor perfectly clean getting down on your hands and knees with a bucket and a cloth". Erm, because a steam mop is easy and effective and doesn't hurt my knees.

Life should be hard, sparse and punishing. What am I thinking using my own hard earned money to make things easier and more pleasant?

They are ridiculous. Next time they come for dinner lay out tesco bags for them to sit on.

Oh i was in the junior readers club. You wrote a composition well review/synopsis of the book if I remember. I once had mine pinned up in the library, thrilling times.

Next time they say anything about your trip just say "you know what... I've done long distance running I'll just strap the kids and hubby to my back and run all the way to Portugal! I mean I might have to pack some plasters but yeah sounds feasible. I'll get going now and hopefully be there in time to check in."

These people sound insufferable but also maybe there's a jealously poverty element. The whole well we did it a different way because convienance and comfort weren't affordable but showing ourselves as martyrs makes us feel good about ourselves schtick.

Don't be annoyed just find I comical they sound like they are straight out of a sitcom and there's no malice there