DH has just revealed that he has nothing to show from 30k inheritance

[Booboomylove]

My DH and I have been together for 5.5 years and married for just over 6 months. We both own our homes and he moved in with me after a year together. His house is currently rented out. I like to think that I’m quite good with money eg getting the best mortgage rate etc, however he has ‘owned’ his home since 2006 and only ever had an interest only mortgage, on a variable rate which has sky rocketed over the last few years. The house is now rented out which at least covers the mortgage and we are going to cut losses and sell.
Last night we were talking about inheritance as a blended family and he said he thought it would go 3 ways between his adult DS, my teenage DD and his DS’s son (age 8). I said no that’s not right, your grandson will get his inheritance via your son, I didn’t get anything directly from my grandparents, did you? DH said yes 15 years ago I got 30k from my Nan!
We have been together 5+ years and I didn’t know this, also we have always discussed how skint we’ve been in the past and it’s like a shared experience that we are respectful of.

Anyway, he is refusing to tell me what happened to the 30k, he says it’s none of my business whereas I think it is something I ought to know about him as his wife eg is he an absolute idiot with money? He’s gone to bed in a mood.

Money inherited before you met isn't really any of your business IMO but a general attitude to money is. I'd be more worried about getting an interest only mortgage (ever) tbh.

My ex and I split up in part due to his attitude with money. We had enough but when big issues cropped up, it was always money I'd earned which covered it, even though he earned slightly more. He never saved. When he urgently needed a new car, he got it on finance but I paid the deposit. That kind of thing needles after a while. Especially when you go without nice things for yourself and he doesn't.

So my response is to look into his general attitude with money and I suspect this revelation has more to do with confirming your beliefs you already hold around that. Am I right @Booboomylove ?

He’s not the father of OP’s daughter so he doesn’t have to leave her anything. Why can’t OP leave her estate to her dd and her DH can leave his to his son/grandson?

We currently make about £100 a month after costs - we’d rather have the equity to do up my (our) house (plus the tenant is awful and often behind on rent)

Yes but then the question is - why won’t he explain it? Is it something to be concerned about (eg gambling).
If it was frittered away on holidays, meals out, designer clothes or whatever then why not say that? And maybe point out that you’re aware it seems like a waste of money but you don’t regret it because you enjoyed life / or wish you’d been more sensible and paid off some of the mortgage.

i would just say be extra careful with him and your finances. Because he's being cagey about how he spent 30k, because he has a interest only mortgage (suggests instability to me) and his ridiculous maths regarding inheritance.

It was ten years before you go together. It’s none of your business.

I don't think it's any of your business what he did with money 10 years before you met. I would be more worried he's just making stuff up now to get his way.

The fair thing to do is split the will between the 2 children, and if he wants his grandchild to have something it can come out of his own child's share.

However, the fact that it seems like more of the money is yours, and he even suggested giving more than half to his own progeny would have me on edge.

How is there equity if he is only paying the interest?

Because the place is worth more than he paid? He put more in than just the mortage?

When you’re financially tied to someone then it is your business to know their attitudes towards money and their behaviours around money.

Depending on his age I can understand spending it on something he doesn’t have much to show for such as improving his standard of living when young, or using it as a house deposit if he didn’t have any savings. But him not telling you what he did with it and saying it’s not your business is not great. What is your gut feeling - he did something risky and lost it, spent it on fun things, used it for his house, or frittered it away through just generally being bad with money?

Anyway, he is refusing to tell me what happened to the 30k, he says it’s none of my business whereas I think it is something I ought to know about him as his wife eg is he an absolute idiot with money? He’s gone to bed in a mood.

Something probably best found out before you married him.

If you do this, the house becomes very much a joint marital asset, even if he is not named on the mortgage or title deeds, and as such he (and his dc/dgs) will have a claim on it should you die, even if you leave a will bequeathing it to your DC. You are much much better off NOT taking any money and ring fencing your asset for your own child and encouraging DH to keep his asset, maybe increasing rent and switching to a repayment mortgage so more of the capital debt is paid off (using rental income).

Even if he has not reduced the mortgage, he WILL have equity in the house and over 20 years the value of the house (and thus the equity) will have increased - a quick google suggests that the value will have increased 70% in that time, so his debt to asset ratio will have improved and he should be able to negotiate better terms on a new repayment mortgage. I know lots of very wealthy people who do little to pay off the mortgage on the basis that property value itself has increased and they will sell to downsize at retirement and take the cash from the increased equity share. We did it ourselves but as we approach retirement we have decided to spend the next 4 years paying it down as Dh is now on a huge salary compared to when we purchased in 2005 and can afford do so now.

Your DH needs to speak to a mortgage broker to see what is possible. But it does sounds as though he is financially naive.

The alternative is that he sells his property and BUYS a 50% share of your current solely owned home. You do it legally with a solictor, transfer title, add him to the mortgage etc. You do this as tenants in common, NOT joint tenants, and you leave your 50% share to your DC and he leaves his as he wishes. This means a surviving spouse may have to sell up and downsize to release the monies for the DC of deceased spouse.

As said above YOU NEED TO GET LEGAL ADVICE and Dh needs to speak to a mortgage broker about what options he also has.

It really is none of your business what he did with an interitence a decade before you got together.
If he spent it on a crazy summer in ibiza or bought a nice car then so what??

OP does he have any equity in his house that he’s selling ? Or will selling it (because it’s interest only mortgage) mean he will walk away with £0 afterwards? Does he have any savings or anything else ? Or does he plan to carve up YOUR money 3 ways with only 1/3 going to YOUR son?
I wouldn’t be bothered about the inheritance. That’s not your business really.

Agree. It’s démonstrating what you already know ie he’s poor with money or different than you. It’s not this money this inheritance it’s an in your face example of his attitude which generally irritates you.

If he's had the house for 20 years it will have increased in value many times over.

Not sure what the interest only thing is about. Back in the early 90s when I first bought the interest only mortgages were commonplace. Usually had an endowment alongside it to pay off at the end.

My first mortgage was I terest only, changed to repayment when moved 3 years later. Kept the endowment though

He seems to thinking primarily about himself and gaining maximum financial benefit whilst OP is thinking about them as a couple. OP it would be very bad for you, for him to take equity from his house and invest it in your home. Please take legal advice before taking a major step like this.

So you think a pre-pre-pre-pre-pre-nuptial agreement should be a thing? You, know, just so people can get a hold of and have an influence on money that was around long, long, long before they were on the scene...?

Edit for a typo.

He bought it 20 years ago it’s likely gone up in value

It’s not about “getting hold of and having an influence over” their money 🙄. It’s about knowing their attitudes and behaviours towards money, as I said.

Personally I wouldn’t want to be financially tied to someone who thinks that for 20 years an interest-only variable rate mortgage is a good idea, for example.

I don't think I would have asked about the £30k. But since you did, his defensive reaction would have worried me. It suggested to me that he is embarrassed by what he spent it on....

On the inheritance, I'm interpreting that as he is expecting your joint assets to be split three ways to include his grandson, not just his own assets. I would be interested to know his reaction if you ask what will happen if your daughter has children in the future. In his plan, would the will be re-written to leave them a share. What if your daughter has 2 children? Would it then be a 20% share to each child and grandchild?

£30000 over 10 yrs is nothing, it's like a nice bachelor holiday a yr, it's like a night out once a wk for 10 yrs, it's not your business what he spent when you weren't together unless you found out it was for illegal activity like drugs, it was his money to do as he pleased with it, if he wanted to waste it he could

Wasting money while single isnt the business of a wife or husband