DH has just revealed that he has nothing to show from 30k inheritance

[Booboomylove]

My DH and I have been together for 5.5 years and married for just over 6 months. We both own our homes and he moved in with me after a year together. His house is currently rented out. I like to think that I’m quite good with money eg getting the best mortgage rate etc, however he has ‘owned’ his home since 2006 and only ever had an interest only mortgage, on a variable rate which has sky rocketed over the last few years. The house is now rented out which at least covers the mortgage and we are going to cut losses and sell.
Last night we were talking about inheritance as a blended family and he said he thought it would go 3 ways between his adult DS, my teenage DD and his DS’s son (age 8). I said no that’s not right, your grandson will get his inheritance via your son, I didn’t get anything directly from my grandparents, did you? DH said yes 15 years ago I got 30k from my Nan!
We have been together 5+ years and I didn’t know this, also we have always discussed how skint we’ve been in the past and it’s like a shared experience that we are respectful of.

Anyway, he is refusing to tell me what happened to the 30k, he says it’s none of my business whereas I think it is something I ought to know about him as his wife eg is he an absolute idiot with money? He’s gone to bed in a mood.

He won't tell you how he spent it, because it didn't happen.

He just said that to try and convince you that his grandson should inherit.

I would split inheritance equally between your 2 children. Your child may have 6 kids. Would he want to split 9 ways in that situation?

The cheek of you trying to dictate what he can leave to his own grandchild!

I’d be worried that you die first and he inherits and then your dd is out of the picture completely.

I can't believe he's even talking about a mirror will situation when all the assets are yours. Why does he think his DC and GC should inherit from you? Especially when yoive been married for such a short time.

He's absoutely right you do need a will, and quickly. Otherwise he'll everything and your DC will get nothing because he really isn't going to leave her anything.

He doesn't have anything to leave to his GC. The assets are all OP's.

As a husband and wife, I don’t think anything is “none of your business” for either person.

The equity in his house isn’t an asset?

I’m really good (tight) with money but even I can see how easy it is to fritter away £30k over more than a decade if you are even slightly shit. Especially when you have a ds who was likely late teens/early 20s and a new dgc in that time. It’s easy to spend £200 a month more on groceries than someone who is really watching the pennies, easy to eat out every week instead of 2-3 times a year, cinema or theatre tickets, Bosch instead of Beko etc. How much was his tv? £299 or £2999? How many holidays did he have? One every other year where he “upgraded” by £1000 with slightly longer, slightly nicer, doing a little bit more would be £5k in the 10 years between inheritance and meeting OP.

I don’t understand the inheritance plan

Is he saying his personal savings and equity from his mortgaged flat will be split 3 ways between the 2 dc and the dgc when he dies? And the OP gets nothing? (Assuming she is the survivor)

Is he saying all joint assets (his flat, her house, all savings/assets in both individual names and joint names will be left to the surviving partner and then on the death of the survivor, split 3 ways?

What does he expect to happen if he is the survivor? The home he lives in and all his wife’s asserts get split 3 ways, he gets nothing but is left with his rented flat and whatever cash is in his pockets?

I suspect he means the middle - it’s split 3 ways after the death of the survivor. I think sensible OP is looking at her equity and savings and realising her dd won’t be inheriting them and will only get a third (plus a third of his - but a third of fuck all isn’t very much).

What is a bigger possibility in reality is that the child and any grandchildren of the survivor will get everything.

It reads like both children are young enough that extra grandchildren aren’t impossible. If they are his, the OPs descendants is getting less and less.

Ultimately if you want your own descendants to inherit your own money then you can’t simultaneously be married to a man who isn’t her father unless you bolt everything down - which isn’t easy.

Definitely make a will through a solicitor.

But they weren't married or even together when he received it or for the 10 years after. OP you're being ridiculous, it's absolutely none of your concern what he did with it. Just because you live a frugal life, doesn't mean others have to.

It's unclear whether or not there is any equity.

You’re lucky he’s leaving anything to your daughter

😂

So it’s unclear that all the assets are OP’s. There’s a lot of assumption going on.

@Booboomylove
Your house is now at risk.

If you divorced now (which hopefully is the very last thing on your mind), after a short 6 months marriage you would both likely walk away with the same assets you brought into the marriage, i.e. him with his property that he may have almost no equity in, and you with your house.
In about ten years time, after a longer marriage, a judge would look at it very differently and likely give him a share of your house upon divorce. If you couldn't buy him out, you would have to sell. (You would also get a share of his assets, including pension, but does he / will he have any?)

Best case scenario - you don't divorce at all. As long as you are married, the house is legally yours if his name is not on the deeds, and you can leave it 100% to your daughter if you like (check this with a solicitor).

You need wills that give your DD and his DS a 50% share each, because who is to say how many grandchildren there will be on each side as the decades roll by? Wills often give the surviving spouse the right to live in the house, even though they only own a share of it, so that they are not turfed out by offspring wanting their share immediately.
Get a will ASAP.

Meanwhile, think about your daily financial set up. You should have a joint current account, out of which all household expenses are paid, a joint savings account, and personal current accounts each. You may also have personal savings accounts.
Decide how much you will each pay into the joint current. It needs to be enough to cover all monthly bills and household shopping, plus extra savings.
Some couples pay both salaries and all other income into the joint and then transfer personal spending money into the personal accounts. Some get paid into their personal accounts and then transfer an amount each into the joint, usually based on a proportion of earnings.
Beware if you go for the latter option, the higher earner is left with proportionally more in their personal account, so has a higher 'spending power'. If this is him, it may cause issues if he is constantly spending when you personally can't afford to do so.

Assuming you sell his place, will he then go on the deeds of yours? Is so, consider 'tenants in common' rather than 'joint tenants', in unequal shares to reflect the equity you have already built up, i.e. you own a larger share, or alternatively you have a ringfenced amount and the remainder is owned 50/50. You need legal advice on this.

If he is on the deeds, the mortgage comes out of the joint account.
If you don't put him on the deeds, you pay the mortgage from your own personal account.

My husband inherited from his grandparents years before we met. Not a huge amount, maybe 10k. I’ve no idea what he did with it, bought a car, maybe. He has probably told me at some point. Not my business.

I think a person who is stupid enough to have their home on a 20 year interest only mortgage whilst apparently spaffing a £30k inheritance, is also probably stupid enough to remortgage every few years and spend any equity. Maybe OP will clarify, or maybe this is also 'none of her business'.

It doesn’t matter what you think. It’s pure conjecture.

It was 10 years before you got together. It's unreasonable to be annoyed about it. He might have wasted it on a daft holiday, an ex girlfriend or anything else - he's allowed to have a past.

Wanting to split shared assets three ways doesn't seem particularly fair. What he spent his money on a decade before you isn't your business and you don't have any right to know anything about that. It's only relevant if he's not managing his money now.

Obviously his financial situation now is her business. 'If this thing was different then so might this thing be' is tiresome.

"Last night we were talking about inheritance as a blended family and he said he thought it would go 3 ways between his adult DS, my teenage DD and his DS’s son (age 8)."
Even before we got to his £30k inheritance, this flagged a problem for me with his attitude to sharing. Because his proposal means the 'sharing' goes from you to his son and grandson, and your daughter getting less. Were you not married, your daughter would inherit 100% from you, not 33%. His son and grandson would inherit 100% from him, which I suspect is close to fuck all.

"he is refusing to tell me what happened to the 30k, he says it’s none of my business"
And strictly speaking what he did a decade before he met you is none of your business - but it's another red flag that it's a secret, isn't it? Why would he not want to tell you? Th obvious answer is he's embarrassed at his own fecklessness with money.

I'd be reassessing joint finances. At the very least.

I assume this a reference to another thread where it looks like a grandfather is leaving everything to the ‘man of the family’ and the female relatives need to be ‘looked after’.

Are you for real? It was ten years before he even knew you existed and also that could have been a really bad time in his life and quite triggering to talk about it’s got nothing to do with you so drop it

Do read the OP properly.