DH has just revealed that he has nothing to show from 30k inheritance

[Booboomylove]

My DH and I have been together for 5.5 years and married for just over 6 months. We both own our homes and he moved in with me after a year together. His house is currently rented out. I like to think that I’m quite good with money eg getting the best mortgage rate etc, however he has ‘owned’ his home since 2006 and only ever had an interest only mortgage, on a variable rate which has sky rocketed over the last few years. The house is now rented out which at least covers the mortgage and we are going to cut losses and sell.
Last night we were talking about inheritance as a blended family and he said he thought it would go 3 ways between his adult DS, my teenage DD and his DS’s son (age 8). I said no that’s not right, your grandson will get his inheritance via your son, I didn’t get anything directly from my grandparents, did you? DH said yes 15 years ago I got 30k from my Nan!
We have been together 5+ years and I didn’t know this, also we have always discussed how skint we’ve been in the past and it’s like a shared experience that we are respectful of.

Anyway, he is refusing to tell me what happened to the 30k, he says it’s none of my business whereas I think it is something I ought to know about him as his wife eg is he an absolute idiot with money? He’s gone to bed in a mood.

Absolutely this. And if she's upset about how he handles money, this is something that should have been discussed before marriage. Or been enough not to marry him.

He owns a house , granted he's paying interest only which is very silly, but he clearly got a deposit down on his own. That 30k would have been very helpful in putting him that position to buy. Plus general life costs, you can't really question money from that long ago. And even if he went and blew it on a massive holiday, that's exactly what inheritance is for in my books. My family wouldn't want me using it to pay off sept, they would want me to use it to make memories

Nice misogynistic insult there. What about a man who wants to check how his wife behaves around money, or is it ok the other way round?

It’s not nosy to want to be sure of someone’s approach to money if you’re going to be legally financially connected. You’re taking a risk if you’re not bothering to check.

He’s had the house for 20 years, he got the inheritance 15 years ago.
It did not help him get the house although would’ve been useful in paying down the capital on an interest only mortgage.

Wow, he should be making a very tidy profit. Unless he has been cashing in equity ? Sounds like there must have been a regular pattern of taking out bigger loans as the value increased...
Hope you can keep a handle on his financial choices going forward 🤞

I received £27,000 from my dad's will and bought a car £11000, paid off my son's debt (which he was supposed to pay back) £10000 and the rest went on home improvement. It's really not a huge amount of money.

No but you can easily explain where the money went, unlike op’s husband.

30k 15 years ago? It really isn't that much money, a few holidays, a car and some high interest mortgage months and it's gone.

YABU.

I don't disclose my inheritance or assets to my husband at all.
It's none of his business, plus his assets are worth roughly fifty times more than mine (in another country).
Speaking for myself.

I'd let him keep his house and tenant and that's his worry. He must run it as a business - you should not help out financially with that or put your name to anything l. Keep your name solely on your house, keep records of anything you pay for in upkeep and I've he does pay for anything, note that down. I'd make a will - your house to your children. Any personal ISA savings or cash in your own name - to your children, too.
It's not greedy or grasping, if he's no good with financial things now, he never will be and would be much worse if you were not around to steady things.

Perhaps he could but doesn't see what it has to do with the OP.

Keep your money separate.

Agree with this.
it does matter if he’s good with money now but this is not your business really a 30k is a nice amount but it’s not necessarily life changing.

Only if it's when they're married and pooling their money. Nice of you to conflate events from when a person was single ten years ago with a present day state of affairs between a man and wife. I couldn't care less what my wife did with her money a decade before I met her.

Edited for a spelling correction.

I think the issue here is that your DH is a bit crap with finances. He can’t have that much equity in his house if it’s been interest only forever. If he sells it, is he planning to keep the profit all for himself?

I’d go as far as suggest you wouldn’t be wrong even if you’d want to leave all or most part of what is yours to your child. His child is for him to provide for.

He seems to want to make advantage of you because he fucked around with his house, frittered 30k away but still wants to leave 2/3rds for his side. 2/3! This is wrong.

Maybe a bit late but i would be very wary of him financially, now if he sells his house he won’t even have a place to go back to if things go wrong.

He sounds financially irresponsible and holds some entitled views, be careful.

Er, why should he tell you, OP? He received an inheritance 10 years before he met you - how is that relevant to you?
Not to mention the fact that it was left to him, so even if you'd been married at the tine, still none of your business. My husband received a substantial inheritance after we'd been married 20+ years - I know the rough ballpark amount, but never questioned how much nor what he did with it because it was his money. He was named in his parent's Will - I wasn't. Simple.

But why would the OP even want to know? It's a fairly small amount, for a start. Asking people about their money is just odd.

I think the title of this thread is misleading. Having nothing to show from a modest inheritance years ago isn’t an issue. It’s the way he think the will should be split that is very dubious. OP hasn’t made it clear what the assets even are that would be split. Sounds to me like finances and wills best kept separate and OP should leave her own assets to her daughter.

They are married!

I wouldn't appreciate my DP telling me something was "none of my business" and stropping off over something minor such as this. I do think that's rude, and actually I do think it's a bit odd that he won't disclose it in conversation at all, though I suspect that is due to how it was approached. None of it comes across as healthy communication.

With that being said. I'd assume he pissed it up the wall in some way and doesn't want to feel judged, or have to explain or defend himself when it doesn't affect you and your opinion on it is likely to be negative. He's not done anything wrong so he doesn't need to confess it to you or explain his rationale. It is what it is, it being so many years ago.

I'd focus more on aligning your opinions on current finances. Given you're so recently married it's a bit odd to not have reached a conclusion on these matters before doing so. He can leave his money to whoever he likes, though I would want a sensible and amicable conversation about what we are both doing. It isn't right to say to someone that their estate planning is 'wrong' because it doesn't mirror your preferences.

When he sells the property he owns, presumably there will some element of profit given it was purchased in 2006? Does he refuse to discuss this element of his finances with you as well, given it is his own property, not yours?

Both bonkers. You controlling, him weird.

She has a right when it’s her assets that are being disproportionately split.

Kinda see your point… he blows £30k doesn’t pass any on to his son or put anything away for him. But you have been frugal and saved for your daughter. Then it comes to inheritance and his son and grandson benefit 2/3 from your frugalness and 0 from his recklessness.

Almost like as he got his inheritance direct from his nan (which he spent) so he should provide the same (from you) for his grandson…

That said… it’s all done now. Personally, if you are in it for long haul and do generally share finances 50/50 your daughter and his son 50/50 or his son+grandson getting 25% each seems fair.

if he generally doesn’t share with you, like he earns more and only does 50/50 on bills, I’d be tempted to leave more like 70% or all my assets to my own daughter.

3 ways between his adult DS, my teenage DD and his DS’s son (age 8). I said no that’s not right, your grandson will get his inheritance via your son

Who are you to say what someone leaves to another? There’s no wrong or right with inheritance he can do what he pleases. If he had the inheritance before he married you that’s also non of your business