DH has just revealed that he has nothing to show from 30k inheritance

[Booboomylove]

My DH and I have been together for 5.5 years and married for just over 6 months. We both own our homes and he moved in with me after a year together. His house is currently rented out. I like to think that I’m quite good with money eg getting the best mortgage rate etc, however he has ‘owned’ his home since 2006 and only ever had an interest only mortgage, on a variable rate which has sky rocketed over the last few years. The house is now rented out which at least covers the mortgage and we are going to cut losses and sell.
Last night we were talking about inheritance as a blended family and he said he thought it would go 3 ways between his adult DS, my teenage DD and his DS’s son (age 8). I said no that’s not right, your grandson will get his inheritance via your son, I didn’t get anything directly from my grandparents, did you? DH said yes 15 years ago I got 30k from my Nan!
We have been together 5+ years and I didn’t know this, also we have always discussed how skint we’ve been in the past and it’s like a shared experience that we are respectful of.

Anyway, he is refusing to tell me what happened to the 30k, he says it’s none of my business whereas I think it is something I ought to know about him as his wife eg is he an absolute idiot with money? He’s gone to bed in a mood.

Obviously she doesn’t want “a say in it” as it appears the money is long gone. She just very reasonably would like to know how he spent the money. Why can’t he give her an answer?

Because it’s not reasonable.

It is when you’re making big financial decisions and you’re financially tied to someone. We’ve been through this.

I think you’re getting a hard time Op. It is a lot of money. A whole year’s salary or more for many. You said you bonded over how skint you both were previously, so he was dishonest as he wasn’t. Maybe he couldn’t make ends meet for a long time so it got used up on life’s’ expenses, boiler replacement etc. but then why not say? Without an explanation, I’d assume it had been frittered away, which would mean a misalignment of values around money. I’d see this as a red flag as it’s not my MO. You need to decide if you want to be with someone whose attitude to money doesn’t align with yours.

As for two thirds inheritance to his son AND grandchild, no chance.

Yet you still keep posting nonsense. 🤷‍♀️

This thread itself just shows how different people's views of money can be.
I would be firmly in the save it/pay off some of the mortgage camp and view it as a significant amount of money.
Others think it's not that much money and just spending it on having a good time/general life is ok.
Neither view is right or wrong.

Sounds like you and your DH are in opposing camps, OP, which is the problem.

It’s not me posting nonsense.

They weren't when he had the inheritance

I’ve received several small inheritances. My husband has never asked how much they or what I planned to do/did with them.

I’m not sure how I’d feel if he did, but I think I’d find it quite intrusive and as if he didn’t trust me.

I recently received a large redundancy payout. Again, my husband did not in any way regard it as his to have any say in.

That said, my husband is not requiring me to buy him out of anything.

Incidentally, your money should be split 50% to his heirs, 50% to yours. Then it’s up to him how he wills his 50%. What doesn’t happen is that he gets more money because more heirs. That isn’t how it works. Nor do you get a say in who he shares his half with.

Exactly this. She needs proper legal advice to protect her child. House can be left in trust so surviving partner can live in it but your own child then receives half but it needs to be set up properly.
We are doing this anyway in case I pre - decease my husband and he remarries. He is not financially savvy and I wouldn’t want any savvy future wife doing my girls out of what I worked for.

Because it's 3k a year over ten odd years. He probably spent it in the pub, on clothes, holidays, deliveroo, other women?

At the end of the day it matters not a lot as it's not there anymore.

I inherited from each of my DGMs. One happened shortly before I bought a house with DP so I used it for a deposit. The other - I don’t know. I was freelancing at the time so I think it just went into my half of household expenses. I didn’t do a big thing with it, so I would struggle to say exactly what “I had to show for it “

And neither should you have to despite what these overzealous, man hating Karens on this thread are saying...😂

I don’t like men who refer to women as shrews and I don’t like men who refer to women as Karens. Both are sexist.

So your “support” is unwelcome.

So why can’t he just say that then?

You need to find yourself a less misogynistic vocabulary. Do you have trouble articulating your thoughts without using insults?

Also why is it man-hating? My thoughts would be the same regardless of which way round the sexes were in this situation. I also really like most of the men I know, especially my husband.

No problem.

Well that is something I don't know.

I mean for me, I could imagine someone spunking it off on random stuff that either doesn't look sensible or hasn't made his life better in the long term. And maybe feeling a bit embarrassed about admitting it.

He probably wishes he didn't bother saying he got it in the first place. That wasn't a very sensible move.

If I had an inheritance ten years before I met my partner and spent it I wouldn't feel it was their business what it went on. I'd just say 'more indulgent lifestyle choices. I had fun with it.'

I think you already know he’s irresponsible with money. Having an interest only mortgage for that long with interest rates close to zero for a decade tells you that. As a couple you should be able to talk about what the money was spent on, but you don’t get to judge him for it - I suspect this is why he won’t tell you as you’ll criticise his choices & may unintentionally make him feel useless or small. Married couples should have these difficult conversations especially as this is both of your second time at marriage. In terms of the inheritance it should be equally between your children - not grandchildren.

yabu

He doesn’t have 2 kids though, he has a son and a grandson. So 50/50 would be a more appropriate split.

I don’t know, why should your daughter get the same as his son when you’ve only been married six months? Don’t lots of people ring fence some inheritance for their own kids when they marry later in life?

I don’t think he really owes you an itemised breakdown of how he spent his money 15 years before you met.

That said, I wouldn’t be very impressed by the interest only mortgage thing, as he could be 20 years into paying it off now.

Re read the post. It says her daughter, his son and his son‘s son

Wrong thread

I'm not sure I read this correctly. Your peeved because he won't tell you what he did with money hre received 9 years ago and before he met you? What could that possibly prove? If he spent it on something you don't approve of are you going to LTB?