AIBU not to outright ban kids from playing with balls in garden, after neighbours complained

[MyKidsThrowFood]

I have 2 active boys age 6 & 4. We live in a Victorian terrace with a smallish garden. Both boys love a kick about. Recently our neighbours complained about too many balls ending up in their garden. I completely understand this. However, they said the kids should be forbidden from playing with balls in the garden entirely, which I avoided agreeing to. Instead we instituted a rule where the boys have to request a ball from us so they’re only playing with one ball at a time and it’s supervised.
The boys also apologised. The neighbours didn’t exactly accept the apology but were civil.
This was about a month ago. Since then there’s been one incident of a ball accidentally going over, which the boys apologised for. But now another has gone over. That’s 2 balls in month. Is this an unreasonable amount? Can they now reasonably insist on no playing with balls on the garden ever? My eldest became very tearful at the prospect as he loves football and is very active but the gardens are so small it seems impossible to prevent balls ever going over entirely.

I've had same problem with my lads, I get its annoying for your neighbours, but you want your lads to be able to play too. Best thing is insist they dont keep booting the ball take them to the park to do that. Instead passing only and set up some cones so they can practice dribbling round them . you can get a kit lidl sometimes have them.
One neighbour we had and same age as us (so not elderly) kept 3 of our eldest lads balls, wouldnt throw them back and wouldnr give them.back when my son asked husband went round and had a word. (This was part of a neighbour dispute which is why the people we bought house off moved , we didnt know that at the time)

You say that! and I am sure the OP does not want to quote human rights legislation at the neighbour😳 who could also point out that trespass (the ball) is also a civil offence! Far better to deal amicably with it

Re. posts this morning. What is it with old people complaing and mums taking offence too easily?

I’m 66 with two grown children. My husband who is older than me, yelled at the neighbourhood children for using the small hill of our front garden for sledding in the snow. “They’ll kill the grass!” We don’t actually HAVE grass, just harmless green stuff. I was SO embarrassed. He scared them and had apparently forgotten what it was like to 9 years old.
I don’t want the kids to totally destroy our front and back gardens, but as a retired teacher, I think people should compromise and try to remember what it was like to be a child and if it applies, what it’s like to be a parent of young kids. I’m appalled at mumsnetters
who puncture the balls or throw them in the bin. Making a rule that the parents have to come collect the balls seems sufficient. But maybe those cranky, sour neighbours aspire to be known as the neighbourhood witch. Every neighbourhood has one. Myself, I love to sit out and hear happy children playing.

I think you should take your kids to the park. Why not join a local football team, its much nicer for kids to play with others in a team. We also had neighbours like yourself but they never apologised. Their kids would climb on their shed and shout racist abuse to me whilst I was in my own garden. So I think you are much more respectful. Otherwise it sounds like you need to move to a house with a large garden.

I remember as a child if I did or said things inconsiderate of those around me the phrase " Do as you would be done by" was recited.

To be honest, I would find this annoying. We're precious about our plants and even a light ball can snap a beloved rose bush or whatever else it might be. I'd feel irritated every time yet another ball appeared in my borders.

Of course your kids must be allowed to play, but you have to take every possible step to make sure no balls go into the neighbours' garden. A 6ft fence or net around your garden would help, if you don't already have one. Or even those cat nets that bend inwards over your garden, a bit like the edges of a cage.

I sometimes have to do things in the garden that I know are annoying - sawing, power washing etc. Similarly my neighbours sometimes let their kids play a game where they shoot ball bearings at metal targets, or kick the ball at the fence. But we all time limit the annoying stuff, and don’t do it every day. Hopefully you are similarly mindful of the time your kids are playing a game you acknowledge is annoying?

They sound horrid. My neighbours kids' balls used to come over all the time. I just threw them back. Sometimes they knovked on the door and asked if they could get the ball and I'd let them- they were incredibly polite about it. Boys will be boys. Carry on as normal. Just have lots of spare balls. The neighbours just need to throw them back if they go over. They can't stop your boys playing for goodness sake!

My boys used to kick the ball so hard against the fence e and it was very annoying for me and our neighbours, we got them a goal and grew bushes. The neighbours just used to chuck the balls back and when they went on holiday they boys were allowed to climb the fence to get their balls back. I wouldnt let them knock 20 times a day to get the ball back, so we had a lot of balls. I always throw the ball back, but it the kids knock I just open my back gate and let them crack on. Some people should live in the wilderness, so that never have to hear,see or be irritated by communal living. I worked in a hotel in Ireland called the Old Ground in Ennis 1 American guest left a horrible review about how her stay was ruined by the noise from the school next door. Unfortunately her stay took place in the school summer holidays so basically just a misery guts.

Incorrect. If it stays up for 28 days, it’s deemed as a permanent structure

No it’s not as black and white as that.

Removable nets are less likely to be considered a "development" than permanent poles (in concrete) or fixed netting (cricket nets for example).

Another reason my neighbours are livid about the football nets.

They can’t insist that your children don’t play ball games in their own garden ,but it could be annoying for neighbours when balls come over too often
Then kids ring the doorbell repeatedly , sending our dog doolally , asking for the balls back .
If I see a ball come over , I simply throw it back over the fence but I’m not always in the back garden when that happens.
I think our neighbours kids are learning to be a bit more careful now as our dog has burst a couple of their balls .
You do sound like you are being reasonable and careful though and I appreciate that you can’t always take kids out to a park or football pitch when they want to play .

@Lavenderblue11
You obviously misread my post. I have ONE small garden. There are SEVEN gardens that adjoin mine.

Funnily enough my neighbour marched around on Monday tearing a strip off my kids for blasting a ball into his garden. I couldn’t really argue with him as he is sick of it and refused to give the ball back. They then compounded it by accidentally kicking a ball too high and that ended up in his garden too!! Now he has two balls and won’t give them back unless my partner goes around to talk to him 🙈

Why your partner?

@EvangelicalAboutButteredToast what are you going to do about your DC?

How mean spirited they are. I was lucky with my neighbours as my son loved playing football in the garden so my neighbour was forever throwing them back. I wouldn’t allow him to knock and get it back though because constantly interrupting someone isn’t ok. So when his 2 balls went over he couldn’t play until they threw them back. I apologised once and they said don’t be ridiculous it’s lovely hearing him play and that people moan they’re always on screens and then moan when they’re playing and being noisy.

and once again, its not either or.

They sound like neighbours from hell! Its your home, your garden & you can be polite & advise you're putting a net up to add height - they dont have to like it, but that doesn't need to stop you from doing it. Sounds like you're allowing them to control what goes on in your own garden. They sound very demanding & unreasonable. As if they requested apologies from a 6&4 year old?! It doesn't even warrant an apology. My kids ball goes to our neighbours now & again, it just gets thrown back whenever they can, no issue, conversation or apology needed.

Absolutely nothing.

So your neighbour, rightly or wrongly, has got to the hair-pulling stage but it's just an amusing little anecdote?

I don’t think they sound like the neighbours from hell at all. They fairly asked that balls didn’t keep coming over into their garden (who knows, they might have plants or pets they could knock). You agreed to supervise the boys closely to ensure it didn’t happen again, and they apologised - this is all fair. But then you let a further two balls over since… Of course they’re pissed off!

Neighbours from hell are the ones who have loud parties/ constantly park across your drive/store broken fridges and car parts in the front garden when you're trying to sell your house/have dangerous pets they can't control/build extensions without permission that threaten your own property! They aren't people who just want their neighbours' property to stay in their own gardens!

I agree that they are far from neighbours from hell. They do sound a bit pedantic though.