Should I expect my mum to tidy my house?

[Airwaverly]

Would you guys agree that this situation is weird or AIBU?

My mum provides childcare for my 5yo DD and has done since I went back to work when she was 2yo. From when I got pregnant my mum offered to take care of DD so we agreed an arrangement and I pay her 500 per month to take care of her 3 days a week. Most days she picks her up before 9am drops her to school and then collects her at 2 and watches her in my house until I finish work at 5pm (i work from home). On school holidays she has her for the full day 3 days a week. They have a lovely relationship and my mum is great with my daughter.
For the first 2 years everything was great in fact I would say my mum went above and beyond she would have the house spotless, while still taking care of a crazy toddler. However in the last year things have drastically changed my mum no longer does anything other than babysit so even though I tidy up all the breakfast stuff on my lunch break by the time I finish work at 5 the house is absolutely upside down. My daughter is 5 and is good to put things away but needs to be reminded, my mum obviously isn't reminding her as there will be lego and magnatiles strewn throughout the house along with pages of colouring and soft toys. Often my DDs school uniform will be left on the floor collecting dog hair and any snacks/drinks/coffee cups etc will just be left on the coffee table instead of being put into the dishwasher. My mums own house is immaculate and she is extremely fit she just completed her 2nd half marathon (so its not a lack of energy thing) . I find it hard to start even cooking dinner because of the mess all over the countertops. I don't know what changed and my mum is not someone who you you can talk to about these things so i wouldn't bring it up with her. I don't expect her to be a full time cleaner but even just tidy up a little bit by putting the used dishes in the dishwasher! Or am I being a spoiled brat?

My mother insisted I only pay 400 a month, i upped it to 500 despite her protestations because I felt it was too little. If she wants more now I'd be happy to give it to her.
My "expectations" are literally put the dirty cups and plates that she and my daughter use into a dishwasher and to remind my dd to put her toys and clothes away..... so I struggle to see how I have ridiculous expectations

This is surely just a subtle hint that this agreement must come to an end!

You would not believe the state its in some evenings.

I mean its not subtle but certainly does seems like a hint.

Honestly £500 a month was worth it to your mum to quit her job so I have no idea why so many people think your taking the piss. Alot of nans do it for free, people are mistaking paid help with family help and your at that inbetween part. 5 year olds do not need constant care, and to the people saying the OP it only takes 10 minutes to pick it up - well surely her mum can then??

Shes literally in charge of watching the kid according to everyone so just pick up behind the girl, it's what we all do when we are watching our own children?

I don't get why shes clearly changed a big thing for no reason and yet they think you are being unreasonable, you're really not.

I don’t think it’s reasonable to need a cleaner in after someone has been minding your child! It’s not like you’re expecting your mum to dust and mop and hoover and do the bathrooms…it’s part of the childcare to clear away after they make snacks or ask the kid to pick up their uniform or toys. If you are paying your mum then she should be doing these things

I don’t know why everything is so messy after the morning that you need to clean it all during the day.

I only have 2 DC left at school and they are older, but in 15min I’ve cleared last night’s dishwasher, put some washing on and made the youngest one a school lunch. I don’t have to sort out cereal or dress them, but all up there’s loads of time to clean up the breakfast things, especially if you’re not doing a school drop off.

Are you very, very tidy with very high standards?

I’d start by asking her to encourage lo to tidy up after herself and put toys away before dinner. If she doesn’t do it I’d start thinking of changing the situation before and after school club would be much cheaper

I'll probably be flamed but I think £500 per month for 9 hours a week (soon to be 6 hours when your daughter finishes at 3pm) is incredibly generous. Those of you comparing her to a Nanny, this isn't remotely the same. This is family childcare, not a qualified professional.

The least she can do is tidy any mess she makes, isn't that just basic manners, childcare aside?

OP if you can use wrap around care I would seriously just ditch your mum and do that. The arrangement isn't working, worse still that youve said your mother is completely unapproachable with these kinds of issues. Its never going to improve for you. Do yourself a favour and prioritise yourself.

I never said it was messy in the morning. Theres not loads to tidy up at all, I literally just put the breakfast stuff in dishwasher wipe down sides, bleach toilets and run the Dyson around to get up the dog hair. I wouldn't want my mother to cone into an untidy house so that's why I do it on my lunch break instead of after work.
I am certainly not overly tidy, but like workspaces and floors to be clear.
My mums house is like a show home mine is not like that

I'd look into other options. Cost them. Maybe use these options on Monday and Wednesday (tell your Mum its for socialisation) and your Mum can do her thing every Tuesday. Pay her for one day a week

Surely you have to speak to her and call out the situation. Not tidying her own coffee cup is the start of the chat.
Can you even say would you please be able to help me out tidy daughters toys and see what reaction you get.
if she is making a point she’s being as silly as you are not speaking to her about it. She’s your mum. Broach it.

You are paying her 500 a month for roughly 12 days per 4 weeks or 5 weeks depending on the month, so it works out at roughly 41 pound per day that she minds her,including all day on holidays.
Sorry. But ..... If you want someone to mind your child and clean up your house,you need to employ a Nanny or an Au pair, and a cleaner.

But, with only one child and no school drop off, you could do all of that in 20 min in the morning? Then you wouldn’t feel as though tidying up affects your lunch break.

I suppose I don’t see how one child can create so much mess - surely it’s just a 10 min whip around in the evening?

I agree with others that the arrangement isn’t working for your mum anymore.

£500 a month is a lot of money, I would look after my 3 grandkids because I love them and want to help out, wouldn’t dream of expecting to be paid. Your mum is being unreasonable

Whats your obsession with when i decide to clean my house? I have 5 mins after my daughter leaves until my first call. In the morning i like to braid my daughters hair and take our time over breakfast. Cleaning on my lunchbreak is not a problem for me, it's my choice and I'm happy with it.
You'd be shocked at the mess some evenings. Playdoh mashed into the table, multiple jigsaws and lego tipped all over the floor. It's not like it takes hours to clean it's just the fact that I cannot relax until its not a mess, and it's easily avoided if they just cleaned up one activity before starting another. When I or my husband are there it's never an issue.

This doesn’t ring true to me. You are leaving the house tidy, but the house is completely trashed in under three hours? I suspect either you’re not leaving it as tidy as you claim, or you’re exaggerating about the state that it’s in at 5pm.

Your subject heading was "tidy my house" not "tidy up after herself and any mess my kid makes in her care" Clearly you DO want her to leave your house "spotless".

Well, she's not going to.

You pay her, what, 5 pounds an hour and you expect her to clean too?! 😅😂 You'd be paying AT LEAST double for outside childcare not counting travelling expenses and time to take your child to and from that childcare. And nannies don't work for 5 pounds an hour either 😆

Think loooooonnnnggg and hard before you rock the very cushy boat you are currently on.

It's ok to expect her to pick up her own coffee cup and get your child to pick up her own things, as that is part of teaching kids responsbility.

She's probably just sick of it all tbh, like most would be. Maybe just have a nice, polite conversation with her.

It would be polite to tidy up after herself at least. Is it possible she's fed up with the arrangement but doesn't want to say so?

Perhaps stop paying your Mum £500 per month. Let her do it for free with no obligation, to enjoy spending time with her grandchild.

Spend the £500 saved on a professional cleaning company, or do it yourself if you'd rather save the money?

That's a good idea. Then her mum can say no thanks, as she probably feels super obliged by the extremely low payment she is receiving and feels she can't escape the arrangement.

Taking money out of it altogether, however small an amount, mum can then just say "Thanks I'll get a job I enjoy and see you guys for lunch on Saturday".

You can't believe that a 5 year old child could make a mess in 3 hours? What a small little imagination you must have. Have you ever even been around young children in your life?
They can empty a few jig saws, bucket of lego and playdoh all over the floor in less that 10 mins if they were allowed to.

Sue for using a click baity title to get engagement on my question.
I figured anyone who's opinion was actually worth anything would read the actual post. Don't judge a book by its cover n all that.
I literally only want her to tidy up after the activities and meals she and my DD while she's there.

I’m not obsessed with when you clean, you were the one you said you didn’t have time. You said this:

Alright don't get your knickers in a twist. I have a work call bang on 9am every morning so I don't get to give the house a proper tidy until my lunch break 12.30-1:30. So the house is very tidy when she gets home at 2.20

The reality is though, with one child, no school drop off and no commute you have much more time in the morning than most.

You'd be shocked at the mess some evenings. Playdoh mashed into the table, multiple jigsaws and lego tipped all over the floor

This is much more mess than I’d expect from a 5 year old at home. Have you taught her to tidy up after an activity? She’d be expected to at school.

Yes, your mother should be tidying up as she goes, but it sounds like there’s more going on than just that. Is your daughter quite challenging?

Yes my DD cleans up after herself when I'm there or when her dad is there and in school there is absolutely no issues. And up until relatively recently she was tidying up while my mum was there too... but along the way for whatever reason she has gotten the impression that it's OK to make a mess when granny is home.