Should I expect my mum to tidy my house?

[Airwaverly]

Would you guys agree that this situation is weird or AIBU?

My mum provides childcare for my 5yo DD and has done since I went back to work when she was 2yo. From when I got pregnant my mum offered to take care of DD so we agreed an arrangement and I pay her 500 per month to take care of her 3 days a week. Most days she picks her up before 9am drops her to school and then collects her at 2 and watches her in my house until I finish work at 5pm (i work from home). On school holidays she has her for the full day 3 days a week. They have a lovely relationship and my mum is great with my daughter.
For the first 2 years everything was great in fact I would say my mum went above and beyond she would have the house spotless, while still taking care of a crazy toddler. However in the last year things have drastically changed my mum no longer does anything other than babysit so even though I tidy up all the breakfast stuff on my lunch break by the time I finish work at 5 the house is absolutely upside down. My daughter is 5 and is good to put things away but needs to be reminded, my mum obviously isn't reminding her as there will be lego and magnatiles strewn throughout the house along with pages of colouring and soft toys. Often my DDs school uniform will be left on the floor collecting dog hair and any snacks/drinks/coffee cups etc will just be left on the coffee table instead of being put into the dishwasher. My mums own house is immaculate and she is extremely fit she just completed her 2nd half marathon (so its not a lack of energy thing) . I find it hard to start even cooking dinner because of the mess all over the countertops. I don't know what changed and my mum is not someone who you you can talk to about these things so i wouldn't bring it up with her. I don't expect her to be a full time cleaner but even just tidy up a little bit by putting the used dishes in the dishwasher! Or am I being a spoiled brat?

she doesn’t need to, she has asked and said she wants to! Op has said she will get the bus for dad but mum said no. It’s a few hours a day with a 5 year old and she’s fit and healthy, it doesn’t take much to encourage child to put stuff away and clean any dishes, it’s just basic curtesy. Find it funny people putting the onus on a 5 year old to tidy up and not a grown woman

Hahaaa mine could do this in 30 seconds

Also everyone comparing pay to nanny’s and childcare! It’s the grandmother who asked to do this and obviously wanted to and is also getting paid! My Gran did it 5 days per week for nothing and had dinner on and made beds, ironed. It shouldn’t be expected and it doesn’t sound like op did expect it, it’s basic manners to tidy up after yourself. I got paid a fiver in the 90s at 14 for babysitting 3 kids and I made sure everything was tidied and clean for parents coming home

You could try a cheery ‘could you remind her to tidy up as she goes, she knows she puts one jigsaw away before getting out another one’ to your mum…
but yes it is a bit strange that this has changed.

Um yes I have DC myself. I think the key point is “if they were allowed to.” Most adults left in charge of a small child aren’t going to allow them to. Is your problem actually, then, that your mother isn’t providing adequate supervision of your child? In that case, say that instead of complaining that she doesn’t tidy. You’re making your child sound like a badly behaved little brat so maybe that is the key issue that needs to be addressed.

She doesn't want a cleaner as well. She just wants her mum to remind DD to pick up her toys & for her mum to pick up after snacks etc. I don't think that's unreasonable in the slightest.

@Airwaverly I wonder why the change in your mum?

I'd probably ask her why she's no longer happy to put her mugs in the dishwasher etc & say you're getting fed up of DD not picking up after herself, (even if you're not!!) & ask if she can help by reminding DD to do so, so that your evenings are less fractious (if she thinks she's making it a nicer atmosphere for Dd she might be more inclined to encourage DD!!)

But any other replacement childcare won't be your DD having a lively relationship with your Mum, will cost you a lot more, require more input from you & not be perfect, so personally after I'd done the above I'd just suck it up.

Ok, well then you're not being unreasonable, and you are going to have to talk to her about it if it is bothering you enough to do so.

@Airwaverly I think you’re getting some odd responses on this thread.

You’re paying your mum to mind your child in a tidy home… but coming home to a total mess. I absolutely don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect that she helps your child to put things away and tidies away cups she’s used.

It’s hardly asking her to do a deep clean.

You mentioned she used to do this previously and now doesn’t so something has changed. If you can’t ask her what is going on then, i think your stress levels would be lower if you changed the arrangement and sent your daughter to afterschool club do a couple of days where she’d have loads of fun.. and still have one day to see your mum. At least you would only come home to a mess one day a week!

Id forget the dinner and your 5 year old should be tidying upnthat huge mess.
That is not normal in 3 hours.
She will learn quickly if she is faced with you standing over her.
I don't think the arrangement suits your mother anymore and it would be best if you pointed out that it is too much and better to organise after school care.
If she is allowing such a mess, she clearly isn't managing.
I would be having firm chats with your daughter too, rdminding her every day.
Surely you can step out for 5 minutes every day after they arrive home and parent your daughter that you do not want to find a mess.
She needs to put her uniform away etc.

If your mother ssys anything you can say you realise it is all too much for her.
At the ver least make a new plan for next September, latest.

I've had a great idea that would really help you. Just talk to your Mum!