To not understand how you can actually hate all people

[VioletSpeedwell]

I see it all the time on MN. "I hate people." How can that be? I'm quite introverted but need a level of social interaction to thrive. But on MN lots of people love WFH because they hate people, get into their "jammies" at 6pm because they hate people, are "fuming" because a check out operator made small talk, avoid neighbours, decline invitations - all because they hate people.

Weird.

You're not introverted if you need social interaction to thrive.

She said “a level of social interaction.” Why do people seem to think that being an introvert means you want to live like a total hermit?

I don’t think I’ve ever met or seen anyone on here who says they hate all people. I imagine though that those people hate themselves more than anyone though. It’s a strange idea, hating ALL humans.

My oldest DD is an introvert who has a good social life & a lovely group of friends. It just means she also needs plenty of alone time to recharge, not that she is a misanthrope.

I don't hate people, but I do not thrive in any social interaction. Every single instance is draining and a chore for me. I never enjoy it. I never want it. It's always difficult.

I love people, want to help them, want the best for them. I just want to do it in the background and for no one to talk to me ever.

I can understand how someone else in my position can interpret it as hating people. It took me a while to realise I didn't hate people at all, I just find everything about having to interact face to face / verbally exhausting and difficult and get 0 joy from it.

I’ve just assumed they are very self-centred and only ever do things that benefit them or what they want to do. They’re the sort that wouldn’t put themselves out to help a friend. So if a friend asks for a lift and they’re driving past their house going to the same place they’ll say yes and take the gratitude. If it would involve even a minor detour to their journey they’d say no. I like to think lost people would help a friend in need, even if inconvenient to themselves. A very small minority wouldn’t, and these are the ones who generally hate people.

Some I think it’s less about hating people and more about needing alone time to recharge their batteries so to speak. The traffic jam on the way home, the cashier wanting to be chatty at the till, being on calls or in meetings with people all day at work, etc just add to the noise and fatigue. It’s easier for them to articulate it as “I hate people” than to say “I really struggle with social interactions and can only manage groups of people for a limited amount of time before I need space”.

There will be some who genuinely hate people. There will also be some who had a bad day and are venting, blaming those around them. There are some who say it as a self-defence mechanism. Pull the walls up, let no-one in and no-one can hurt you or let you down.

I think the vast majority of people in the world though prefer company to being alone all the time.

There are lots if misanthropes on here who think the world is doomed mainly because of that days latest rude interaction. And also people who love dogs more than people

It’s a very nasty strong term imo.

I like lots of downtime, but I think most people I meet are by and large amazing.

It wasn’t great growing up
friendships are disappointing if they even work out which isn’t often
I work with the public
no one in any part of my life appreciates me (obviously I love and want the children)
people are such sheep-nothing original to say
there are odd exceptions where you meet a lovely person but even then I don’t need to see them every day
I just don’t like people
and clearly I’ve got my karma for that because no one appreciates me 🤷🏽‍♀️

Most of the time I just take it as throw away expression, there are people who genuinely hate people but I cant imagine they dont have serious mental issues going on

It’s an interesting topic because and to see both sides. For me, life is just busy all the time and every minute counts. There honestly aren’t enough hours in the day. When your day is already full and your head feels full too, it’s hard to have the energy for extra interaction.

That’s why I like my friendship group. We’re all pretty similar. Low maintenance and no pressure. There’s no expectation to always be chatting or checking in, and that suits me.

I’ve found that more extroverted people can expect a lot from you. Your time, your energy, your attention. When you don’t have much left to give, it just feels draining. Even simple things like small talk or answering questions can feel like effort when you’re already mentally tired. As an introvert, you have to save your energy for that kind of thing.

I’m introverted but I’ve had to spent a lot of time in situations where you’re expected to be more outgoing. It’s exhausting. At one point I found myself drinking just to be able to play that role, and then drinking again to switch off afterwards. Being around people can feel draining when it always comes with expectations.

I think there’s a difference between introvert and not wanting anyone anywhere in their vicinity- I work on a till and you can see people itching to get away from everyone. They don't want people to talk to them at all and get irritated by people just going about their business

It's just a shorthand for "any people would be tiring and I don't like busy places".

I hate London - people go, oooooooohh, but London has so many different places, how can you hate it all.

Well, sure, I like some of the places, and different places suit different moods etc. But the fact is every single place is cheek and jowl with lots of other places, and I don't want to have to wade through all the places to get to the places I want.

It really doesn't require plaintive wailing about people hating. I simply like it when there aren't lots of people around.

I know what you mean. Haven’t seen one for a while, but I remember threads about the difficulties of working in a small office with people who won’t even exchange pleasantries - sometimes not even a hello in the morning. Unsurprisingly, the ops were pretty miserable at work. On these threads multiple posters would respond along the lines that they go to work to work, not babble about inane nonsense all day.

The superiority and contempt dripping off these posts was incredible.

Back in the real world, I’ve worked in many offices and with all sorts of people and thankfully never encountered this. I do wonder if it’s a pose on the part of some posters.

Nah, I’m with Helena BC on this, exhausting the lot of ‘em!
”People make my kidneys ache. Fail to understand why they insist on visiting. I mean, does not the length of the approach to this house, does it not give them pause? I am pondering a moat…” 😂

I think you and I are from the same mould. I’ve been called a misanthrope but I’m not. I’m glad people are out there, I like seeing the things they’re doing and knowing that they are doing them. I just don’t particularly care to interact with them much, and when I have to, it takes a lot out of me.

I'm not a misanthrope!

I love my friends and I'm sociable and always open to meeting new people. I'm also an introvert (oh yes, I am). When I go away with friends, which I'm doing this weekend, they know I need a single room and that I'll disappear for an hour or so each day to be alone and re-charge. Pretty normal, I think.

What I don't like is crowds. Crowds such as Glastonbury, the Notting Hill Carnival, sports events, St Mark's Piazza in Venice, the Markt in Bruges etc etc. I hate being in crowds and I think people are weirdos who don't mind being in a sea of bodies where if you fainted, you wouldn't actually fall to the ground.

I’ve met a hell of a lot of arseholes in life, and seen people who I thought were nice, turn into arseholes at the drop of a hat when awful things happen, you ask for help or just someone to talk to and they run for the hills.

That might have clouded my judgement a bit.

I’ve definitely said this before as something of a throwaway phrase! What I actually mean is, I find many people slow, frustrating, self absorbed and boring.
In turn many people find me cold and standoffish, still doesn’t stop them trauma dumping on me or seeking me out when there is a problem to solve.

I don't hate all people, just some ☺️

They’re suffering from the delusion that they themselves are not ‘people’. Like that motorway sign ‘You’re not stuck in traffic, you are traffic.’

See also the common Mn confusion between ‘introvert’ and ‘misanthrope’.

Hard disagree. Being introverted doesn’t mean you don’t need people at all, it means that the interactions you have with them are different. Introverts tend to prefer small group/1-2-1 interactions where deeper conversations are had, and avoid large group/high stimulus scenarios. As an introvert, i enjoy my own company and am often alone for days, but still need human interaction eventually, even if it’s just in very small doses. I am prone to loneliness and depression if I don’t make the effort to engage with people… but I am still an introvert.

As I’ve got older, I’ve found myself wanting less and less interaction with people. And as PPs pointed out the more arseholes you come across, the more it puts you off meeting anyone new. You don’t actually need to be nice to people. Being nice often feels like an invitation to engage, and engagement brings expectations. Expectations, more often than not, lead to disappointment. Sometimes it just feels easier to stay in your own world.

Do you always take everything so literally, OP?

I think that social interaction takes some level of skill. A lot of people struggle with this skill or can't find compatible people or lose confidence in themselves after bad experiences. Some people when they can't have something will then really try to not want it as a coping mechanism and I think that's where a lot of this comes from.