To not understand how you can actually hate all people

[VioletSpeedwell]

I see it all the time on MN. "I hate people." How can that be? I'm quite introverted but need a level of social interaction to thrive. But on MN lots of people love WFH because they hate people, get into their "jammies" at 6pm because they hate people, are "fuming" because a check out operator made small talk, avoid neighbours, decline invitations - all because they hate people.

Weird.

I’m very introverted and have social anxiety. I don’t actually hate (most) people, but I hate having to interact with people I don’t know well because I find it very stressful. It’s a problem with me not them.

I'm seeing this with some very insular family members who since retirement have started to believe anything they read online. They were never this bad when they were at least interacting with colleagues. I doubt they'd see it as a problem either.

But not wanting some random stranger to talk to you is not the same as social isolation.

Why conflate reluctance to chat shit with a stranger with social isolation? Doesn’t seem very imaginative.

I'm mainly meaning people you have to meet in a professional, or say a formal social situation - like a wedding or celebration party etc.

In non-work contexts I agree - I can assess quickly whether it's worth making an effort, or to just leave people be.

I think the term 'insincere' is a bit irrelevant in the first context. We have to meet people, we have to engage and get along in some way - few people would actively choose to have to make small talk at conferences, weddings etc, but most people understand the game.

Agree! I am introverted and can't cope with loads of people in my day to day life, and I'm very happy with my own company. But I do need a certain level of social interaction with other people on a regular basis. Just in small doses!

Its a throwaway comment - i've used it when i've got home from the city centre and have felt crowded cramped stressed out and generally on pins with a load of interaction.

Then again, I regularly despair at "humanity" and the state it's in and do prefer dogs so perhaps I am a complete misanthrope who finds a small number of humans likeable / tolerable.

I know these people, I know that they are socially isolated. I know that their symptoms weren't so bad when they were at least chatting with their colleagues.

Yes you have to be professional at work (including conferences).

With the stuff that’s optional, I just don’t do it

It’s was more of a general comment - it is insincere though and I don’t flatter myself that I ‘matter’ to those strangers

I'm also fairly realistic about how much I'm going to matter to a total stranger to be honest. It can have potential for making a connection or learning something though.

I do think that social isolation is harmful to us though. Said it before but having been through a period of it myself I wish we could give serious advice to those who are going to be in that situation long term or indefinitely on how to protect their brain from harm if that makes sense.

She didn't say that though, did she? She said more or less exactly what you say at the end of your (this) post.

I speak my truth!

Some days I cannot stand to be around people and I stay clear. On my worst days I just want to walk out of my life as it is and live in a shack somewhere remote.

Im not that far gone in my own mind though to realise this is a me problem.

But more generally I can’t remember a time in my lifetime, when there was more division and this is fuelling hate than there is currently. Things are expressed on SM that are openly racist, xenophobic and downright nasty. The last couple of years in particular have made me really worry for my children and way they may face as UK citizens born to UK citizens but look might they are not.

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta - I have found your perfect place! I was reading a book about Iceland, and apparently it is “not done” to talk to strangers, eg to shopkeeper “Nice weather today” or at bus stop “Where in earth is the no.23?” People only fraternise with their extended family groups. (Well, so the author says.)

I’d get your passport right now.

Indeed. When I look at my parents’ friends, all in their mid 80s, the ones that are doing well overall, aren’t the ones that have dedicated children and grandchildren. It’s the ones who are still socially active, have friends and still connect with people at some level.

Sounds ideal! Except of course I don’t have one because I have only gone abroad once, about 35 years ago (and that wasn’t on a plane - I know my limits!)

People don’t seem to see the difference.

Social isolation is brutal and damaging.

I am able to do normal social interaction (asking for things in a shop, thanking the shop assistant, asking a fellow passenger if you are on the right train etc) without any stress.

I am also able to get on with colleagues (even the ones who I don’t like).

But i do not want to chat utter bollocks with a stranger who isn’t interested in me or me in them - it’s a pointless exercise.

The word introverted is so misused on MN that it’s almost lost any meaning. Introverted doesn’t mean you hate other people, it doesn’t mean you live like a recluse, it doesn’t mean you never socialise, and it doesn’t mean you dislike social occasions.

It’s trotted out as a standard excuse for all sorts of rude, anti-social behaviour. It’s almost offensive.

I’m introverted. I have a friends, a social life, and a job that requires me to interact with other people.

I’m not sure if this applies to anyone here, or if it’s a clinically recognised label, but apparently there’s an additional label that’s recently been introduced: Otrovert. Someone who’s social enough on their terms, but doesn’t feel the need to join the whole “group identity” thing or follow the crowd. Not shy, just happy doing their own thing.

Regardless of where you feel you sit (introvert /extrovert /otrovert) the word “hate” when describing other people you don’t know, I imagine is probably an exaggerated expression of their frustrations in stranger behaviour. The grifters, the queue cutters, the slow movers, the aggressive drivers, the benefits rinsers. And it probably also feeds into those split-second decisions about whether to make small talk with someone they don’t know.

Also, britain in the past wasn’t the multicultural society it is today. When different cultures mix, people don’t always interpret social cues and behaviours in the same way. Something as simple as eye contact or a smile can cary different meanings depending on cultural background. What might seem like friendliness in one culture could be seen as weakness or flirtation in another. Basic pleasantries aren’t understood the same way across cultures.

You can’t merge cultures. Only try to learn how to coexist alongside one another.

All the older couple i know/knew the woman is left on her own at the end of her life

I work with people all day and I’m an introvert so while I enjoy talking to people, it actually makes my body physically hurt. On particularly long days when I haven’t managed to even have a proper lunch break on my own, I actually feel like I have the flu by the end of the day because my body aches all over badly.

It exhausts me to communicate for long periods and I need time alone then to unwind. This is why I value commuting by train so I can just fade into the seat and have sketchy phone signal so no one can annoy me for an hour. But this is also why I hate certain things about the train too. When people eat their dinner on the train and it’s something stinky, I actually want to throw their food out of the window. McDonald’s is the worst because the smell lingers for so long. Likewise when someone sits near me and they smell bad. I have much lower tolerance for people’s shit after a long day at work.

This is so relatable.

Yes- the majority of women over 60 in the UK are either married or widowed so you’re right- most women are in a relationship until one of them dies and it’s more common for women to be the surviving partner due to higher LE and the fact that women tend to be to be younger than their husbands. Obviously my mum is not a dataset but she has many widowed friends but knows v few widowers.

I do not hate people. It is not a phrase or sentiment I have ever said or felt. I was born in London and have a very large immediate family.

I now live in the countryside. I cannot see another house from my house and if I do not leave my house, I can go for days without seeing another person.

For me that is bliss! I am not an introvert, I am very confident and get on well with everyone I meet. But I prefer not to have too many social engagements/interaction because I do find most people uninteresting.

People want to keep things light, no one is willing or able to have informed intellectual conversations about literature, ideas, philosophy, political philosophy, society etc.

And so I read and think a lot. I am an in my head person. Wonderful place to be. I do have family that I am always engaged with and I bore them with my thoughts. I have a wonderful life!

I do not hate people. It is not a phrase or sentiment I have ever said or felt. I was born in London and have a very large immediate family.

I now live in the countryside. I cannot see another house from my house and if I do not leave my house, I can go for days without seeing another person.

For me that is bliss! I am not an introvert, I am very confident and get on well with everyone I meet. But I prefer not to have too many social engagements/interaction because I do find most people uninteresting.

People want to keep things light, no one is willing or able to have informed intellectual conversations about literature, ideas, philosophy, political philosophy, society etc.

And so I read and think a lot. I am an in my head person. Wonderful place to be. I do have family that I am always engaged with and I bore them with my thoughts. I have a wonderful life!