To not understand how you can actually hate all people

[VioletSpeedwell]

I see it all the time on MN. "I hate people." How can that be? I'm quite introverted but need a level of social interaction to thrive. But on MN lots of people love WFH because they hate people, get into their "jammies" at 6pm because they hate people, are "fuming" because a check out operator made small talk, avoid neighbours, decline invitations - all because they hate people.

Weird.

Why do people say ‘respectfully when they mean the opposite?

IRL I have social skills - masking for 50 years does that. Being AUDHD does make me see things black and white

But the friendship dramas on here never fail to amaze me. What’s the point? Someone doesn’t like you? Well you know you don’t have to waste time on them

Someone pisses me off? Fine. Then they don’t get another chance. Not sure how that is a bad thing.

As for random people who talk to you when they don’t know you - HELL NO!

I find that really quite sad.

But it takes a split second to cut through the crap and decide whether someone is your kind of person or not.

And that’s the problem. Apart from people you have to meet work wise or whatever, if you do the whole smiling/pretending to be interested to everyone you meet then it feels insincere.

Why?

I don't hate people as individuals, but I can't be around them all day and every day. Even with my husband, who I've lived with for 40 years, I need time when he's out/away (be it a few hours or a few days) so that I can regroup and recharge.
I loved working solo in a job, so that I didn't have to faff around with small talk - same reason why I prefer self-checkouts. Having to constantly respond to other people is exhausting and energy-drainijg, so many of us can only do it for short periods of time.

It's very hard for me, and extrovert, to read.

I love people, I thrive on social interactions, I love small talk

But since this "I hate people, I prefer cats" things that's been all over the internet the past few years has really made me doubt myself and wonder if anyone appreciates my bubbliness at all and if the whole world just wishes I'd shut up

Some will appreciate it, some won’t. Lots of people are like you though. Weirdly (for me) I have a friend who is bubbly, a bit ditzy and she’s amazing. But so not my friendship type usually.

I say I hate people but I don’t really. I just don’t like knob heads. I like talking to people on public transport but ultimately I only like people on my terms. On holiday, chatting to other people, lovely. Putting up with large groups who let their kids run riot, not so much.

Ah - someone who talks to randomers. Can I ask why? Genuine question as I have never seen anyone and thought ‘ooh I will have a chat with them’ 😬

I think "chatting to randomers," as pp puts it, is a lovely British trait and we would be a much greyer island without our innate friendliness and curiosity.

Those who "don't do small talk" - do you just discuss Descartes, the Strait of Hormuz and the Booker Prize?

NONSENSE!

Re. Small talk. Even though I’ve grown more cynical as I’ve got older, there are still some genuinely lovely people out there who are just looking for a bit of interaction. Yesterday, a lady came up and started chatting to me, and because of this thread I actually made more of an effort to stick around and chat for longer. I’m pregnant so it does draw attention, which I do usually have to engage in the small pregnancy chat.

She was a really lovely person and clearly appreciated the conversation. But she wasn’t really picking up on my cues that I was ready to end it, and I found it quite hard to shut the conversation down because she was so nice. I feel like she got a lot from the interaction, and I gave a lot, but I didn’t really gain anything from it.

That’s fine, but for me personally I don’t always have the time or energy for that, and after I felt it did cost me quite a bit in terms of time and energy.

I also think there’s a circumstantial side to these kinds of conversations. Elderly people often have more time and headspace to fill, and more room to make connections and engage. Working professionals tend to carry a lot of stress, financial worries, and general pressure, so it’s probably not something they prioritise in the same way. Some people are also dealing with physical or mental health issues, which takes up a lot of their internal space. And then younger generations who just don’t really know how to interact with people because they haven’t had much exposure to it. Unless online interaction.

The kinds of conversations you have on MN, would you genuinely interact with those same strangers in person in the same way? That’s without the safety of anonymity, the controlled environment where you can take your time to respond, and without things like fear of rejection, people challenging your views in real time, or worrying someone might not like you.

In-person interactions come with a lot more pressure and unspoken expectations. You also have to be willing to compromise your time and energy, and in a busy environment that’s not always a given. You’re constantly weighing up whether that interaction is a worthwhile use of what you have to give in that moment.

You can chose to skim past my lengthy rambling comment or opinion online, and I’ll never be offended, whereas you can’t do that in person as you’re forced to listen on the spot, and at the same time process the information. 😁

For me personally the small talk is just a tick box offering and a hope that it won’t lead to a deeper, even more demanding interaction.

And that’s fine - I hate it as I don’t want to be chatting to a stranger, esp somewhere like s train, where it’s hard to get away.

Agree with all of this!

Gosh @BlackandWhiteThinker you sound quite fragile of spirit.

That’s rather rude.Not wanting to chat to strangers is not an indicator of fragility of spirit. It’s not wrong or weird.

I’d say quite the opposite.

You are demonstrating a fundamental misunderstanding of what introvert means

Absolutely, but that’s a widespread Mn phenomenon, so it’s worth restating it.

Introversion doesn’t involve being shy, solitary, socially awkward or timid, disliking other people or reluctant to socialise. The only difference between an introvert and an extrovert is that an introvert needs solo time to recharge after socialising, whereas an extrovert is recharged by the socialising itself.

You might be shy and an introvert, but your shyness isn’t related to your introversion any more than you being a brunette is.

You could also be talkative, socially confident and the centre of attention at gatherings, and still be an introvert who needs recovery time afterwards.

I think it is just a catch all statement.

I'd say that after working in certain areas, and moving around a lot and meeting new people, I generally think most people are awful and selfish. As a sweeping statement I'd say I don't like people in general. I now go about my day not looking at people around me, and not looking them in the face and smiling.

That said, I know and trust a few people, and only invest my energy in them.

Given that women generally outlive men, many women live their last years isolated and alone which may suit some

See I can come across as loud and social in unavoidable situations but it’s masking and it’s knackering!

Do you mean married women? Because not many people these days are in a relationship right up to the time one partner dies.

And (partly with a AUDHD brain) you could argue that talking to strangers is actually quite rude unless you know it’s welcome.

People are just going about their business but you want to interrupt that because of your need for social interaction?

Neither is wrong as such but it’s always the ones chatting to randomers who don’t see that it’s not always welcome

So it would be simpler if we all lived in boxes and didn't ever interact with colleagues, retail staff, people on or waiting for public transport we should live in caves like hermits? How is that healthy for anyone