To not understand how you can actually hate all people

[VioletSpeedwell]

I see it all the time on MN. "I hate people." How can that be? I'm quite introverted but need a level of social interaction to thrive. But on MN lots of people love WFH because they hate people, get into their "jammies" at 6pm because they hate people, are "fuming" because a check out operator made small talk, avoid neighbours, decline invitations - all because they hate people.

Weird.

They're saying they hate their behaviour. Or something it represents. Often it's almost that there's something about that person that reminds you of your own worst qualities.

There are people who are seethingly jealous of people living with terrible mental and physical pain and limited financial means because they think they're scrounging liars who are stealing money from 'the taxpayer'?! Like what kind of snobbery is that?! The mind boggles.

I'm inclined to say I hate people who express that type of rhetoric. But I don't hate them, just their misguided views.

Agree it’s a bit like someone who on not being invited to a party wail but I didn’t want to go anyway.

When you hear someone telling they hate people it is always - all fiends are crap, people are self-centred, I met many arseholes in my life, nobody has anything to say, people treat me wrong all the time and blah blah blah. What they often fail to consider is the fact that there is a common denominator - them.
I am introverted and spend 80% of my time alone but I love people and have never come across large hoards of self-centred arseholes who stab me in the back while taking advantage of my kindness... I wonder why that is.

Perhaps it doesn't stand out to me because its just hyperbole

I think this is true.

Sorry to sound up myself, but to save time and false modestly, I'll say that I have good social skills. I like meeting people and can do small talk etc etc quite happily, although, as an introvert, it does take it out of me a bit.

I suppose I'm fairly confident in myself and don't mind the odd rebuff, or lack of getting anything back. I rarely get this reaction but when I do I tend to think that the person just lacks social skills, social experience and is insecure, not that they're necessarily deliberately rude.

In talking to new people I think you need to act a bit, put a bit more energy and performance into the exchange: brighten your face and voice, show an interest in the other person, respond positively to them as much as you can etc etc.

You occasionally meet someone who doesn't make any effort socially - their expression stays neutral, their voice is flat and tired and they don't make eye contact, and maybe just reply in monosyllables. I don't take offence from this - I just assume they lack confidence and social skills - it wouldn't put me off trying to talk to another person.

Should add - I'm talking about situations where people are supposed to chat and socialise - I don't mean I go and bother random people just trying to get on with their lives!😀

I agree @CoffeeCantata , but on here some people would say you were the saddo and they are on a much higher plane with no time for silly small talk. It seems that rudeness has been rebranded as a special character trait. I can quite contentedly spend days alone and don’t think I could cope with a “social whirl” , but wouldn’t dream of sullenly glaring at a neighbour who had the audacity to say good morning.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone say they hate all people. Its definitely not common for people to say that about everyone.

I used to make more effort with people, but over the years I have been disappointed in, and let down by so many people, that I don’t have much interest in meeting new people now and have removed people I don’t like from my life.

I like the people I do have in my life though, my partner, children and a small, close group of friends. Although I'm happy enough to make polite small talk in shops and enjoy socialising with my fairly small circle, I’m happiest at home, I work from home and and have chosen a house without neighbours.

I don't hate all people, I just can't be arsed with them. I'm not a very good friend and I'm fed up of trying to be one. I'm much happier alone. I will make small talk for a few minutes with people I encounter, but that's about it.

Almost like we're not all the same...

"Hate" is a strong word isn't it? I think if they even said, "I haven't had a good experience with alot of people, and unfortunately I have not met anybody like minded", it would be understandable. Or, as others have said, "Social interactions drain me, so I like to keep them to a minimum", this would all be fine.

I also dislike when people say they "hate" children. Sure, you can find them annoying, or not enjoy spending time with them, but "hate?", it sounds really dramatic, and maybe covering up for some unsecurities.

Yes you can be. Being introverted doesn’t mean you want zero social interaction. It means you need lots of time alone to build up your energy But it doesn’t mean you don’t ever enjoy any social interaction. I’m an introvert And I need loads of time on my own. I also absolutely need time to see my closest friends. I just don’t like seeing lots of people lots of the time doesn’t mean I’m a hermit

I don't like people but I'm working on it. Dont hate anyone. Most I have personally dealt with, typically have an agenda and it's usually self serving, so I limit interactions as much as possible.

I also work in a job that is thankless and people facing so I think that hasn't helped my opinion of people in general. My dislike of people has grown with age. I'm also thoroughly ok with people disliking me though so 🤷.

Possibly former/current hospitality and retails staff😂

Do people really need to pathologize their conversations this way though, or can other people not recognise when someone's making a casual generalisation?

I’m an introvert with a lot of friends & a busy social life, but I can only really relax & recharge when I’m on my own.

What bewilders me is introverts who voluntarily live with other people. I couldn’t face living with anyone, however much I liked / loved them, except my cat.

Yes - you hear of people who say they 'have no time for small talk'. Well, small talk in itself may be a bit mindless, but it's the way we open up a discourse with others - how else could we do it? It's one of those things which oils the wheels.

I think people who are determined to make no effort are missing a huge part of life. And I mean it when I say I'm an introvert - making that bit of effort does cost me in energy terms but it's so worth it.

I’m an introvert, all of us are, it’s odd, we are drawn to loud out there people lol my partner can make a friend just walking out the front door, while I hold his hand tightly hoping we can leave soon 🤣

I've moved to a rural area and am finding making friends difficult and exhausting. Acquaintances aplenty but I have some health issues and can't be doing with constant small talk so would rather be on my own a lot of the time. I have tried to develop the acquaintanceships gradually but people are so buttoned up. Light reference to experimenting with drugs at uni decades ago, mentioning feminism or referring to any difficult emotion (not all in one go to the same person!) seems to be a great way of shutting down conversations. 😒

I get it. I have fewer than 10 people that I like/love and I swing between neutrality/ vague dislike and strong dislike for everyone else.

I am AUDHD and I have a strong instinct about people. I can do the social interaction if I need to but outside of my family/friends, it’s rarely worth it.

I have never missed out on anything by avoiding people. I have however occasionally given someone the benefit of the doubt, to my disadvantage,

As for random people who talk to you when they don’t know you - HELL NO!

Thanks for replies! Don't want to be one of those posters who posts and runs but work has been especially busy today so will read & respond later.

Respectfully, it’s very clear from your responses on Mn that your social skills leave a lot to be desired, presumably from lack of practice.

I wonder what benefit you gain from the belief that other people are all ghastly, apart from the ten that you find tolerable? I suppose it’s self-protective.

Well, you obviously can't read every one of the 25k (?) posts per day but it pops up frequently and one such "I hate people" post today prompted my thread.

Oh god. Not another MN trope.