To not understand how you can actually hate all people

[VioletSpeedwell]

I see it all the time on MN. "I hate people." How can that be? I'm quite introverted but need a level of social interaction to thrive. But on MN lots of people love WFH because they hate people, get into their "jammies" at 6pm because they hate people, are "fuming" because a check out operator made small talk, avoid neighbours, decline invitations - all because they hate people.

Weird.

I generally find people as a collective quite thoughtless and don't really enjoy being out and about. They walk around with their heads in their phones oblivious to what's going on around them, will bump into you and it not really register with them. Are often quite loud, talking on speakerphone so everyone can hear their conversations. I try to go about my business not getting in the way of others and think about how my actions have consequences on those around me.

I wouldn't chose to go and do an activity in a busy place, it wouldn't be enjoyable to me but will meet one on one with people. My job means making lots of small talk with people and I'm told by customers I come across as being helpful and friendly. I wouldn't go around striking up small talk with random people I meet on a train etc, for example.

One thing I hate more than people is labels for everything

I think that’s broadly right. Though it’s somewhat disturbing to see a significant minority of Mners priding themselves on something that’s self-evidently down to a lack of basic social skills and self-protectiveness about that.

I've definitely used this phrase and I dont mean it literally - I'm lucky to have some very lovely people in my life.

But broadly speaking people just dont seem to be that nice. Maybe I'm just getting old and cynical but most come across as selfish, self-absorbed and pretty shallow. Everyone seems to be out for themselves and sod everybody else. Everywhere you go you are impacted by other people's choices - loud music, litter, parking. Decency and kindness feel performative and I hate the way everything is a 'thing' - you can't just live your life quietly without being labelled an introvert or some other meaningless term.

So no I dont hate ALL people but I dont like very many.

I don’t ‘hate’ people but I do all the things you list in your op. I think there’s a difference between preferring solitude, disliking chit chat, and hating people.

You "hate" them probably in a way you "hate" bothersome insects.
Obviously it depends who these people are, most of them just drain you and steal your own time, energy and life.
Child free, married, never worked (financing myself all my life out of a vast inheritance).

I am one fo those 50 year old women who has got an ADHD disgnosis.

I now know why i hate social interactions. Pointless small talk is draining and i feel like i need to fill all the silence but then spend days beting myself up about the stupid things i said or did.

The supermarket thing - my brain is running a 100 thoughts a minute

• what order to put the shopping in the bags/ what did i forget/ wheres my phone/ what way will i drive home/ wheres my phone/ we are off to button moon/ what do i need to do when i get home/ have i got my phone/ whats my PIN/ is there money in the bank account/ what would i do if i forgot my pin/ what time is it/ imagine i had a crash on the way home who would get the children from school/ what if some has stolen the car when go to the car park/ we are off to button moon/

oh shite the cashier is talking to me what did she say? fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

Ha ha. I say it sometimes but I don’t really mean it.

I’m quite introverted in that I mostly like being left alone, and definitely need alone time to recharge.

I do enjoy a level of social interaction- things like the lock downs were too much isolation for me, especially as a single parent - but I do need to rest and recharge afterwards.

And of course there are people I both like and love.

I think “I hate people” is usually a figure of speech, unless you’re a psychopath.

This is me too. I don't have a social cup that needs filling but I absolutely love the people that I love.

If I go anywhere busy, even if I enjoy whatever it is, I'm always so glad to be away from the crowds of people and even if there wasn't much conversation with others, it will drain me so much that I'd be quite content not so see another soul for a week or so.

Thankfully I live in the sticks and work from home so not seeing another soul other than DH, my teens and the postie for a week is a common occurrence! Suits me down to the ground!

You can simultaneously be avoidant of people without wishing them ill. You can also care about some people from a distance.

Some MN posters seem to exist in a permanent state of fury and hatred abut absolutely everything. It must be so exhausting to live like this - I have a friend who I have significantly reduced contact with because she is permanently (literally) ranting and raving about all sorts of inconsequential nonsense. It's draining to listen to.

I like to imagine these types of people slowly dissolving themselves from inside with bile and poison.

Quite. I’m an introvert but would hate to live somewhere isolated away from any sight or sound of human activity.

I've never seen anyone on here saying they hate people. The examples you give aren't even about hating people?

Quite. I'm an extrovert - but I also need and enjoy time to myself, I don't have a constant 'on' switch!

The problem is with the hater. It cannot possibly be with everyone else on the planet!
It’s ok to dislike certain individuals, but it’s odd to say you dislike all people.
And I say this as a menopausal introvert, with everyone getting on my nerves at the moment 🤣

You are not menopausal then?

I don't hate people; I deal with them a lot in my job, and volunteering. I also have kids all that requires a lot of interaction. But I am an introvert, people really do drain me. After my ex left two years ago, I suddenly had every other weekend to myself without the kids . Now I can easily spend a whole weekend not talking to another person and be so happy and refreshed. I am really happy doing stuff by myself I've never needed a group around me. Actually my kids are quite similar they also need to recharge and we agree a few hours of people doing there own thing and then come together. But if I overschedule them they are so unhappy.

I heartily agree. It’s the superiority of it. And amongst their number are those quick to sneer at any hapless individual trying to make friends at work/school gate etc. I even saw one telling a poster whose dc hadn’t found any good compatriots at university that the dc was there to study not to make friends - I ask you!!

Also saw the other day a poster saying that stopping to speak to someone you know on a walk was rude 😬 Oh dear, sometimes I have a chat with people I don’t know!

I guess that anti-social people are over-represented on MN and indeed the internet as a whole. We all grumble about crowds or unwelcome chatterboxes/people who talk at you, but some take it too far and have a strong whiff of nastiness about them.

I don't think that's quite right - I'm introverted and don't need much social interaction - a lot less than most people - but I do need some. I start to get a bit down if I don't talk to anyone at all for about three days, usually.

Yes, exactly. I mean, I'm an introvert. I like socialising and my friendships are very important to me (and singularly devoid of the drama that fuels so many Mn friendships threads), but I need more downtime than the average person to recharge after socialising.

All the difference this makes is that I need to manage my own schedule with an eye to what I need. If I have friends round for dinner on Friday night, I'm not going to want to meet a different set of friends for breakfast on Saturday morning, as I'll probably still be a bit talked out. Being an introvert doesn't mean I'm drooping timidly on the edge of groups, that I struggle with friendships, or that I am a misanthrope.

My oldest DD is an introvert who has a good social life & a lovely group of friends. It just means she also needs plenty of alone time to recharge, not that she is a misanthrope.
Im the same. I often tell my dad that I have had enough of people for obe day and will go into a different room to be left alone. This can last for hours!

Appreciate is an interesting word. I don’t think I’ve ever thought am I appreciated . I wouldn’t expect to be appreciated as a person. Appreciation is more for when you’ve done something and friendships are nt friendships if they are predicated on someone doing something.

Really? When there is a thread about things you dislike, many here are falling over themselves to type ‘people’!

I’m an ambivert with leanings towards introvert. Most people are ambiverts, but most people only consider extro or intro as a descriptor.

people are such sheep-nothing original to say
Do you include yourself in that?

I think many people online have low self-esteem and hate themselves. And then they say they hate ‘people’. It’s kind of a defence I think.