Son wouldn’t let me use his loo !

[zoovo]

I visited my 23 yr old Son over the weekend. I live 2.5hrs from him. Parked on his driveway and we headed straight out to lunch, shops etc. At the end of my visit I said I will use your loo before I leave and he said I couldn’t. Apparently his GF was in his home and she wasn’t ready to meet me due to anxiety. I said I only need a wee, I actually thought he was joking but he wasn’t. I left close to tears that he would do this to me. So I just left. I found a garden centre 25min into my journey home to stop off at. I’m still in disbelief that he treated me this way. I’m really hurt by this. I do have some medical issues at times which mean sometimes I really do need the loo urgently and he knows this. On this occasion it wasn’t to urgent but he didn’t know that. I don’t know how to move forward from this. Am I being unreasonable to feel so upset by this?

I knew it would be someone close to you, but that can"t be generalised across a benefits culture that has sprung up around "anxiety" and "not being able to work because I feel a bit anxious in crowds" etc. I don"t deny that gaming, phones, weed etc. has caused an increase in ME issues among the young, but there is also an army of people taking the piss unfortunately and due to mass immigration no one really cared that they were on the scrapheap and stuck to the government teat (how many vote Labour just to keep the benefits flowing?)

Sounds about right. Self care I think they call it. Selfish it what I call it. Main character syndrome.

He doesn’t keep on top of the general cleaning well and is always happy and grateful for me helping out with this. As guarantor to this property I do feel obliged to help keep it reasonably clean and he does have regular landlord inspections. His Gf lives in her own apartment and I don’t expect her to do any cleaning.

She said the house was disgusting.

She didn't say that, no matter how many times you claim otherwise.

Now, do you not think that her son would be able to pick up on how she felt?

Her son is grateful for her help cleaning. That's all we know.

You have invented a scenario in which her son doesn't want her in the house based on her comments about the state of his home, despite their being nothing to suggest he feels that way, and no evidence to suggest those comments were even made.

The reaches some people are going to excuse the behaviour of denying someone, their own Mother no less, basic common decency is mental.

I'd be reminding him that you are his guarantor as well, and the can easily be removed once his lease is up for renewal. He's behaving like a sullen and entitled teenager, not a grown man. Very ungrateful and self-absorbed behaviour. Either that, or he needs to grow a backbone and stand up to his GF.

Have you thought that his bathroom could be filthy and he couldn’t face you going in there?

She said ON THIS THREAD that it was disgusting.

She sounds controlling.

Why was she even there when he was out all day.

I really hope your son dumps her asap, as it sounds like he’s unhappy but can’t end it because of her ‘mental health’.

That is typical abusive behaviour.

If it really was disgusting of course OP is going to think that and say it on this thread to illustrate that her son isn’t usually easily embarrassed. People think a lot of things they don’t actually say. OP isn’t particularly blaming the girlfriend either. If someone has a dirty loo and sink of course people will think it’s disgusting. It sounds like OP does a lot to help her son. ( guarantor, cleaning etc) and that he’s getting in a bit of a mess. It was unreasonable not to let her use the loo. Who knows if the explanation re the girlfriend was true or an excuse.

So what? If it’s disgusting, it’s disgusting. OPs allowed a view! It’s like you’re saying she’s not allowed a view! Nothing indicates she said that it was disgusting to him!

If he picked up on it, and didn’t like it, then clean it up.

OP, your son is an adult and shouldn't need his mummy to help him keep on top of his cleaning. Does he have a disability? If so, then it's understandable. But if not, this is appalling. His poor future wife.

While you are not being unreasonable, i am more surprised that he is living with someone you have not met! IMO living together is a big step in a relationship and can't imagine being in a relationship for that length of time and not having met each others families, anxiety or not.

In fairness this is not about the cleaning of the flat, it’s about the fact she wasn’t allowed to use the toilet.

He’s not living with her!

She did say the kitchen and bathroom were disgusting.

Why was she even there then? She should not have been factored in the decision. He needs to grow a pair and tell his gf that his Mum needs to come in.

She was just visiting and I absolutely agree with you!

I’d be telling him if he would leave me to piss myself in the street rather than open his door, I’d no longer be guarantor, seriously!!

It’s probably a boyfriend….

He crimped one off earlier and hasn’t cleaned up the toilet which is in an absolute state after the almighty shit he took.

How do people with anxiety this bad even get themselves into a relationship when they are scared of people so much.