Son wouldn’t let me use his loo !

[zoovo]

I visited my 23 yr old Son over the weekend. I live 2.5hrs from him. Parked on his driveway and we headed straight out to lunch, shops etc. At the end of my visit I said I will use your loo before I leave and he said I couldn’t. Apparently his GF was in his home and she wasn’t ready to meet me due to anxiety. I said I only need a wee, I actually thought he was joking but he wasn’t. I left close to tears that he would do this to me. So I just left. I found a garden centre 25min into my journey home to stop off at. I’m still in disbelief that he treated me this way. I’m really hurt by this. I do have some medical issues at times which mean sometimes I really do need the loo urgently and he knows this. On this occasion it wasn’t to urgent but he didn’t know that. I don’t know how to move forward from this. Am I being unreasonable to feel so upset by this?

Christ, you sound like hard work.

How is it harder to tell the OP that than to blame her anxiety?

Things like that are a stretch. And even if she did, so what? It's not her house. She shouldn't get to dictate who can and can't be invited in.

Because I understand what an independent adult is and that it’s up to them what they do? Okay then

You have. You referenced your own parents making comments years ago.

The OP, has done what thousands have parents have done, including me, and my own mother before me, and that is clean up our kids filth.

It really isn't as weighted as you keep insisting it is Livia.

Some of us have healthy relationships with our parents and kids and within that is us stepping in to help out and clean for them.

My mother and I laugh at my horror over dd20's bathroom, my dd also laughs when my dm shares the state of my student halls and first flat. I am fully cured by age and having a family of my own. But I loved my mother cleaning up for me, I never once denied her the use of my toilet because she had previously called me stinky Sarah.

The reaching and assumptions are just that. The OP has said her son had no issue and I imagine he really really didn't. 23 year old men aren't that easily offended.

Independent adults don't usually refuse to let their mum have a 2 minute wee in their loo. But if that's how your world works, then crack on. It's far from normal behaviour as you can see from the vast majority of replies on this thread. But you do you hun.

It was her decorator that told me, and he did find it quite endearing rather than unpleasant (or at least that's how he told me the story!).

He asked if he could use the loo, she just came straight out and said if it was for a lengthy visit she'd ask him to go to the public conveniences.

Of course I asked her about it, and she said it's right and she tells anyone other than a select few the same.

It's a good job she's such a cute little old lady who provides lots of refreshments and pays well or jobs would never get finished 😄

Independent adults don’t live in disgusting filth!

Some of them do, you know.

You really cannot accept the GF was at fault here can you? Everyone’s fault apart from the actuap
persons it is!

yes I mentioned that it was anxiety inducing, partly because of my ND.

Personally I think that unless asked you shouldnt intrude on the space of others but I get some people don’t respect boundaries.

Oh okay it’s her fault for not cleaning a house when not living here, for apparently not wanting OP to come in (according to the DS) and apparently for having anxiety. If it’s a shithole why is that her fault?

Sorted.

Utterly ridiculous and unacceptable. I'd have said "I am GOING to the loo!" and then pushed past him, gone in and locked the door, and had a wee. That's the only thing to do when someone is so completely unreasonable.

Oh, wait. I thought the OP was already in the house, as in they were sitting in the living room and he told her that she couldn't move from one room to another. Still crap of him, though.

Yeah, forcing your way into someone’s home is always reasonable 🤣

Don’t be silly and defensive, I never said she should clean her he house. She should not force her boundaries when in other peoples homes, because it causes issues like this!

OP is upset with her son for not taking her needs and medical situation into account. Quite rightly she’s upset.

That’s what I thought, OP hasn’t admitted anything like that

Edited - I thought they were already socialising inside the house.

Well if you’re not going to believe the situation, decide it’s it’s not true, because you’ve decided what had actually happened, not much point in commenting on the thread?

Your insistence and imagination makes no difference to me. But I imagine that IRL you are hard work and very inflexible.

That sounds totally weird - bot from your son and his GF. 🙄

It is upsetting when family members don't take medical conditions seriously so I can understand your upset.

However, most people are just not very empathetic so struggle to really 'get it' with something they themselves haven't experienced so you're son might just not understand that when you gotta go, you gotta go!

GF issue does sound like an excuse though, especially as it's not even her home she was just staying over.

This poster is indeed hard work. I can attest from previous threads.

Bit of a contrarian.

Sorry but if she’s unable to cope with her boyfriend’s mother being in the same house in a separate room for the time it takes to have a wee, she’s crazy as a bedbug.

Yup. 👍

I bet it was just messy/dirty

I wouldn't be able to just sweep this under the rug. I would expect a full, sincere apology from DS before moving on.