Son wouldn’t let me use his loo !

[zoovo]

I visited my 23 yr old Son over the weekend. I live 2.5hrs from him. Parked on his driveway and we headed straight out to lunch, shops etc. At the end of my visit I said I will use your loo before I leave and he said I couldn’t. Apparently his GF was in his home and she wasn’t ready to meet me due to anxiety. I said I only need a wee, I actually thought he was joking but he wasn’t. I left close to tears that he would do this to me. So I just left. I found a garden centre 25min into my journey home to stop off at. I’m still in disbelief that he treated me this way. I’m really hurt by this. I do have some medical issues at times which mean sometimes I really do need the loo urgently and he knows this. On this occasion it wasn’t to urgent but he didn’t know that. I don’t know how to move forward from this. Am I being unreasonable to feel so upset by this?

She hasn’t said anywhere that she has made snarky comments. She thought the bathroom was disgusting and cleaned it but she doesn’t say she actually said anything. If it’s that bad the son and his girlfriend will know without her saying anything.

Being painfully shy or lacking confidence or not liking meeting new people isn't 'severe anxiety' though.

Severe anxiety, or anxiety disorders, are recognized, diagnosable mental illnesses.

Sorry but sometimes my neurodivergence interferes with my hosting skills. However I don’t expect the world to revolve around my needs.

But thanks for conceding that autistic people CAN have basic human decency.

I can’t see where she’s “admitted” that?

I’m not replying to all of the comments individually that are basically saying the same thing. I know it isn’t the girlfriend’s house. I’m not saying she had a right to stop OP coming in, I’m saying that’s a potential reason someone would feel uncomfortable. It’s the son’s choice, not hers.

@User086758 I don’t refuse to let people use my bathroom if needed. Sometimes it can backfire, like I said in a previous comment where my MIL ‘used our toilet’ and was still there hours later. It’s happened more than once. Anyone who knows anything about autism should know this is uncomfortable.

Trust me, no autistic person thinks the entire world needs to work around their needs. That’s the problem, we know it doesn’t and we have to try and work to adjust to everyone else’s needs and wants which leads to overstimulation, shutdowns and meltdowns.

They must be on Mumsnet, inspired by the many, many “AIBU about workmen shitting in my toilet” threads.

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta "She has admitted she’s make snarky comments before. And a natural consequence of that is that you aren’t given the chance to do that again. I know how I would (and have) reacted over something similar. Perhaps people should think about what they say before they open their mouths"

Wtf? The OP hasn't made any snarky comments.

Probably. And, according to MN, it's the OP who's 'broken the code' by needing to use a toilet outside her own home.

She should have gone before she set off and then just waited until she got back.

So she caused her DS to panic and give a stupid answer when she made the entirely unexpected and unreasonable request to enter his home and use his toilet without prior written notice.

Yes she has. Calling the house disgusting is pretty snarky

Your last paragraph put things more eloquently than I did.

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta "Yes she has. Calling the house disgusting is pretty snarky"

She was actually making the point only for the purposes of this thread (and in answer to another poster) that he'd be highly unlikely to refuse her entry because the place was in a right mess. She'd often seen it at it's worst and it didn't faze her son at all.

There could be a lot of reasons behind his behaviour. He might feel embarrassed introducing you, especially if he’s already thinking about ending things. It could be that her behaviour is a bit unpredictable, or that he genuinely doesn’t think she’d cope well with the situation. Saying she can just stay in another room sounds simple, but in reality that would be very awkward and antisocial.
It’s also possible his place wasn’t in a great state and he was making excuses. It seems unlikely that his intention was simply to upset you.

😂

I wonder if the OP lets workmen use her bog?

Wow. Ableist much?

Performative autism? How dare you? What a shitty attitude.

I would have been happy to explain but your attitude is crystal clear.

My mum directs tradespeople to the nearest public toilet, a mile drive away, once she's confirmed they intend to pass solids. I wish I was joking.

Filthy loo and he blamed the GF

maybe there was no girlfriend but something he didnt want you to see , maybe his house is a mess or his loo was dirty and he was embarrassed

She hasn't. That poster has repeatedly projected.

😂

I'm afraid I now need to know how she phrases the question, ie does she use "builders' speak" and, if not, what euphemisms she uses!

My BIL has a building company and he always hires a portaloo for his guys to use. He says the expense is worth it because it avoids a lot of hassle.

But you have absolutely zero information to suggest she did that.

And even if you did, telling your son that a room he's just greatfully watched you clean was disgusting is not 'snarky'.

Kids don't automatically stop needing a kick up the arse when they move out.

Actually they do - once they move out it’s their life.

I completely agree. I was chronically shy as a child, and still am, to an extent, as a 59 year old man, but never have I ever thought, or has it occurred to me, that it's a 'mental illness or condition'. I just get on with it, and face people and situations. There's no other way, ffs. Nobody's got the time to hold my hand.

Actually I haven’t. She said the house was disgusting. Now, do you not think that her son would be able to pick up on how she felt?