Son wouldn’t let me use his loo !

[zoovo]

I visited my 23 yr old Son over the weekend. I live 2.5hrs from him. Parked on his driveway and we headed straight out to lunch, shops etc. At the end of my visit I said I will use your loo before I leave and he said I couldn’t. Apparently his GF was in his home and she wasn’t ready to meet me due to anxiety. I said I only need a wee, I actually thought he was joking but he wasn’t. I left close to tears that he would do this to me. So I just left. I found a garden centre 25min into my journey home to stop off at. I’m still in disbelief that he treated me this way. I’m really hurt by this. I do have some medical issues at times which mean sometimes I really do need the loo urgently and he knows this. On this occasion it wasn’t to urgent but he didn’t know that. I don’t know how to move forward from this. Am I being unreasonable to feel so upset by this?

Where has she said she’s made any snarky comments ? What she actually said was that she cleaned his bathroom and kitchen, and that she generally does some cleaning for him when she visits and he’s grateful for it. I genuinely don’t understand why posters are so keen on finding something to justify blaming OP for the rude and uncaring way her son treated her.

OP, I would be upset too and would say something to him. Refusing someone the loo, especially your own Mother who you know has issues in that area, is outrageous.

Just because someone is a parent doesn't mean they have to take any old shit treatment their adult kids throw at them just to keep the peace. It's ok that they know their parents have feelings too.

9.45 this morning

That’s fine in your own home, but this girl wasn’t in her own home. She was responsible for her BF’s own mother not being able to set foot in his home even to pee, before setting off on a 2.5 hour journey home. I’m not a fan of the way in general MN speaks about mental health either, but neither am I a fan of this girl dictating what other people can and can’t do in their own homes because she doesn’t feel up to meeting BF’s mum just yet, and can’t even be arsed to nip into another room to avoid her while she comes in for two minutes for a pee. Mental health problems or not, it’s rude and entitled.

I just want to know what medical condition OP suffers from. Is it Steel Bladder Syndrome? How do I contract it? Because I'd be needing a wee after a 2.5 hour drive, let alone "lunch, shops, etc" and another 25 minute drive to a public toilet 😬

I Agree, and i would be hurt too. In future she can deny him access to her facilities when he is up at her house.

No, she didn’t. There’s not one word to suggest she’s ever made a snarky comments. She talks about cleaning for him, which he’s OK with.

I'm happy to see that the OP has rejected posts blaming the GF for not allowing her in - rightly as she only has her DS's words that link the refusal to the GF at all and it was the DS who refused her access.

As someone who doesn't keep a pristine house, I share the discomfort that people feel when someone pops by unexpectedly. But I would never refuse a friend or family member to use the toilet or have a glass of water/cup of tea. I recognise that it's my discomfort, they may well find something not to their usual standards but that's something we both need to get over.

All it needed was a text to the GF to say "mum's popping in to use the loo, yoy can say hi or you can stay in the bedroom".

And if I knew my.mum was coming round, even to park on the drive, I'd.probably have done a 5 min emergency toilet and sink wipedown just in case.

It isn't her house. She would've been well aware in advance of the visitor and could've taken herself out/home to avoid them meeting.

I know his home is sometimes a mess, on my last visit I throughly cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. It was disgusting.

There you go, apparently it was disgusting. Don’t you think he would have been aware of her opinion?

He’s 23, he’s a grown man not a kid. I would be very concerned if my adult son had either a girlfriend who is so mentally unwell she couldn’t tolerate me going into his home for a wee, and/or a bathroom that was so disgusting he was ashamed to let me use it. Completely abnormal and very worrying.

Even if she exists and has anxiety then why assume the OP would be going into the house?

Something tells me there's more to it than that, maybe they smoke weed or other drug paraphernalia in the house and didn't want you to witness. Otherwise GF could've left for a walk to let you use the bathroom. Either way, shocking!

House was probably a shit tip!!

I would be more concerned that he didn’t feel comfortable letting the OP in, which implies he feels she’s intrusive

And agreed with it, if it was correct.

Or that his GF has severe MH issues.

I know all about anxiety and depression I lived with my mother for 16 years.

It never got better. It only got worse. The more and more ridiculous things we had to do to keep the peace and not set her off. My life wasn’t my own. I couldn’t make a choice it was her way or the highway. The screaming fits when I chose the highway
Sometimes I wonder if someone had pointed out how ridiculous and selfish she was being instead of pandering to her behaviour in the first place things would have turned out better (they couldn’t have got worse)

The more we were made to cave to her demands the more nasty and selfish behaviour we got if we dared to say no.

Diagnosed by doctors and psychiatrists

Exactly.

Mums often spend years complaining about cleaning up after teenage boys until fly the nest.

I'd imagine, unless OP really gets a kick out of cleaning piss and pube covered toilets, that for her to feel the need to start scrubbing her son's bathroom now that he's left home it must have been genuinely disgusting. And if so, telling him as much isn't being snarky or judgemental.

Wow, that sounds like a great way for a parent to wreck their relationship with their adult child.

If either of my parents had told my 23-year old self that it was "unacceptable" for me not to let them into my home for any reason, I'd've told them "my house, my rules" and that if they didn't like it, they could get to fuck. (I come from a long line of sweary, stroppy fuckers, so this would not have shocked them in the slightest.)

Thankfully, my parents weren't judgmental twats so it was never an issue, but it was for a friend whose parents were shockingly judgy, to the point that he was NC with them for the best part of 30 years.

The reason he gave and the other reasons out forward are bullshit. The OP went to visit her son, it was her only reason for being there. There is no reason to not let her use the toilet, none. The girlfriend can have all the mental health issues in the world and it still doesn't justify it.

Your son letting you clean for him when it suits him and then not letting you use his toilet is just fucking rude.

But he regularly has her over to visit, even when he has friends around, and this is the only time it's been an issue, which implies that she's not.

It’s his home. No reason should be needed. If someone said my house was disgusting then they wouldn’t be walking through the door again

I don't give a shite, it's rude.

So there was clearly a reason. If it’s a one off then the OP needs to accept that. He didn’t want her to come in the house.