Son wouldn’t let me use his loo !

[zoovo]

I visited my 23 yr old Son over the weekend. I live 2.5hrs from him. Parked on his driveway and we headed straight out to lunch, shops etc. At the end of my visit I said I will use your loo before I leave and he said I couldn’t. Apparently his GF was in his home and she wasn’t ready to meet me due to anxiety. I said I only need a wee, I actually thought he was joking but he wasn’t. I left close to tears that he would do this to me. So I just left. I found a garden centre 25min into my journey home to stop off at. I’m still in disbelief that he treated me this way. I’m really hurt by this. I do have some medical issues at times which mean sometimes I really do need the loo urgently and he knows this. On this occasion it wasn’t to urgent but he didn’t know that. I don’t know how to move forward from this. Am I being unreasonable to feel so upset by this?

@YourShyLion

how have you deduced that Op is judgey and disapproving?

although to be fair most of us are judgemental and disapproving about fully able adults who live in a shit hole so 🤷‍♀️

"How on earth do so many adults exist with such crippling anxiety"

A fantasy money tree benefits system, I believe the "anxiety" benefits scam is something Reform say they will tackle, a good 8 hours work a day keeps the anxiety away and helps sleep I hear.

Let’s hope mental health problems never come to your door.
They can be extremely serious, life-threatening.
Life-destroying too.

I'll bet he didn't mind his judgey disapproving mother paying for his lunch though.

Where does it say she paid for his lunch? I'm not sure it does. But I'm going to bet she did anyway.

Fuck that, the cheek of him. I would be so angry. He could have gone in, asked her to go to another room and let u use the loo. There’s no respect there. I wouldn’t visit again, he can come to u. I’m sorry this happened, you sound like a lovely mother x

I was wondering of GF moved in and OP not been told or something.

I still don't get why though if you don't want someone with 2.5 hour drive ahead of them in your house why you'd meet at your house - meet somewhere else with whatever reason and avoid the issue entirely.

I know his home is sometimes a mess, on my last visit I throughly cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. It was disgusting
Er, sorry but I think is more likely the reason you weren't "allowed in" with no prior notice.
In case you judged and did one of your spot checks and tidy ups again.
I was leaning more towards Team YANBU until this update.
YABU.

I don't like anyone in my home. Relatives included 🫣.
unless planned, usually a mess

If this is true......

Either the house was a tip or his GF is a teenager or his GF was naked and awaiting his returning or his GF is a hairy arsed man.....

The majority scamming the benefits system don"t have mental health problems, it is an act, people with real MH problems wouldn"t know what benefits they are due let alone how to milk them.

Something similar(ish) happened to me when my DF collected me from then BF’s house.. he asked if he could go in to use the loo. Of course BF let him but I was so embarrassed about the state of BF’s house.. I really wasn’t expecting him to go in.

Although as others have mentioned… any chance GF is actually a man?

He could have gone in ahead of you and got her to move to a room where your paths wouldn’t cross so she didn’t need to see you. That was just cruel.

What a sod!
You should have peed in his front garden!

what a disgusting thing to say.

He sounds as though he is very caring and aware of his GFs issues.

as an aside the state of his place reminds me of when i used to visit my brother in an all male house share, it was my habit to turn up and immediately clean the loo because it was always disgusting.

That crossed my mind too.

I also wondered if the GF might actually be a BF and he doesn't feel ready to come out to his mum yet, although I realise that this is (thankfully) a lot less likely than when my friend was in that position 50 or so years ago.

Have you ever met or heard the girlfriend?
Does she exist?
Any risk she is under the patio?
Does she have extensive tattoos? Might she be pregnant? Alcoholic? Fleeing a cult or abusive parents? Is she here legally? Is she underage or very much older? Doing cam girl 'work' from home? Transfeminine?
How are you so sure the relationship will end? How does her financial instability impact your son?

Usually it’s family members or possibly social workers who apply for them in that case. And it’s not milking.

Do you have some special insight into all this or are you just naturally judgemental?

I do wonder whether being worried or nervous is now being labelled as anxiety. It’s normal to be nervous about meeting a parent or worried. I do think younger generations are more inclined to label it as anxiety.

thats what I wondered, I have sometimes died a little inside when someone asks to use my loo that I wasnt expecting, and only the downstairs is tidy (my loo is upstairs) but I have let them use it just cringed when I wondered what they had seen. The worst was the boiler man and he called just after I had been to the loo and didnt remember to flush as I rushed to open the door and he asked to use it, I hid from him the entire time he fitted the boiler as was so ashamed. Could it be this

Maybe it's a boyfriend not a girlfriend and not ready to come out. Or it's like my family No one's allowed iny sister's house she's always waiting on the drive as her husband hates people in his house. I did once put my foot down as I'd driven her kids home and after 4 hours in the car with 4 kids I required tea and toilet at minimum

He needs to find a new girlfriend

Denying his own mother using the toilet before a long drive?
What is he hiding? The GF and anxiety doesnt ring true, surely she could stay in the bedroom for 5 minutes.
I would be asking what it is he is hiding

😆 ok.

Well these are my thoughts exactly but did you not say this to him? If so what was his objection when you suggested she could move to a different part of the house while you used the loo?

This. Basically this.