To go without her?

[ThreeGirl]

I booked a theatre trip next weekend with SD11. SD14 (who we rarely see and has never expressed an interest in theatre) is now upset she’s not going. DH has suggested I reschedule so she can come. AIBU not to?

Did you not even bother asking her? That's a bit rude IMO

Well you've given very little context but I know how this could happen in our setup here. SD would undoubtedly be playing an attention seeking game getting everyone to run around after her and then not show up on the day.

Is it something like that? Because otherwise it's unclear as to why you wouldn't just include her now.

I message her and she doesn’t reply or just sends an emoji. I haven’t seen her in person for about six weeks (she sometimes comes over on the night of the week that I’m out).

SD is here 3-4 nights a week.

Did you ask her if she wanted to go before you booked tickets?
If you didn’t, YABU.
If you did and got no reply, then YANBU, and should just tell her you’ll do another theatre trip soon when she can come along.

If I’d have invited her, I doubt she’d have replied; but now it’s a “thing” I think she would come. But she’d be giving me the cold shoulder all day and it’d be an awkward experience.

I told SD12 she could have a reward for passing an exam, she’s tried really hard, and theatre is something we both enjoy.

Did you specifically ask her if she wanted to go to the show? If yes and she didn't reply, YANBU. If you didn't, then yes YABU.

More context needed.

No I didn’t. I don’t have much of a relationship with her (her choice).

Why would I invite someone who barely speaks to me on a weekend away?

Suggest you keep to original arrangement as it was linked to a reward for exam and DH takes her himself another time?

Well, you know this is no way to carry on.
Your DH has two children. You need to manage your relationship with both of them. She’s a teenager. Just because your relationship with her is more difficult than with the younger one, doesn’t mean you can have a favourite and discriminate accordingly.
You are the grown up here. Do the right thing.

Then yes. YABU.

You invite her because she's a bloody child and you're the adult. If she didn't respond fine, but tbh why would she respond if that's how you choose to treat her. It's not hard to see how it's a difficult relationship.

Don’t rearrange. Say you can’t cancel tickets (I doubt you can anyway) and say you can come next time if you are interested. Then next time invite her and give her a time deadline to respond.

But she didn't pass an exam... Go with 1 sd and enjoy yourselves. Dh is free to do whatever he wants with his other dd..
*I read your previous threads.

This.

I just looked back on our message thread. Since the beginning of the year I’ve messaged her at least once a week and she’s replied once, when I asked her which coat she wanted and she sent a link. She also sent two reactions. Other invites, questions, photo, things she’d like… Completely ignored.

But that’s fine. That’s her choice. She’s a child.
If you had asked, there wouldn’t be a problem. But you didn’t. So there is.

Cause she is 14. That’s how 14 yr old girls are.

you should have asked

So you've decided to just not bother with her anymore?

Why? It’s a treat for SD11, chosen for and by her, as a reward for working diligently over months and passing an exam.

meh. It's fine to do things with children separately - DSD or DD - especially if the thing is as a reward for something.

Older DSD can rethink how she interacts with OP if she wants nice things?

perhaps while you spend time with the younger child, the older child's father can try to get to the bottom of why she barely interacts with you unless she wants something (coat, theatre trip) and spend some quality time with her.

And then later in the year, if you are getting on better you can do something with her?

I don't have SCs but i do have more than one DC and i spend 1on1 time with them separately from each other according to our schedules and so on. It evens out over time and they are fine with it.

Because she’s a child
Your husbands daughter
your step daughter
your step daughter’s sister

That is why

Do you have children @ThreeGirl ?

oh? History?

I think I know the OP... But a new username, I believe? Couldn't find any old threads but the writing seems awfully familiar