AIBU to feel awkward about only my husband being invited to the wedding?

[Thewitchofwestminster]

I don't know to feel about it.

Both myself and my husband work in an office with 'Jane'. I have always thought we got on well together and we have become friends outside of the workplace, socialising together.

Jane is getting married in a few weeks and has invited my husband to her wedding but not myself. Husband was given an invitation with his name only on and when he queried he was told it was only for him.

If she had come to me and said it was because of costs or if she invited me she would have had to plus one others I would have understood but it is all just a bit weird!

My husband is attending and that is fair enough but it has left me feeling so awkward.

Would you invite just one spouse to a wedding?

It's not 'his friends' wedding. Until the invites went out it was their friend. The invite being just for him is Jane saying he's my friend and you're not. Now this can be shrugged off we are not in the playground anymore but it's naturally going to make OP feel awkward or left out or slightly rejected. My dh would be upset on my behalf and would never go and tbh moving forward would be highly unlikely to stay friends with her.

😂😂😂
DH, to make you aware when we both go out socialising with Jane I'm happy to be the spare wheel. I'm just her work friend but you are obviously her true friend. I may even leave early in the future so you can both catch-up properly. 😂

That's pretty ridiculous - surely you would not be a plus one but someone in the same position as your husband, i.e. a work colleague she socialises with outside work? And it's odd to claim there are no plus ones when she's inviting boss's wife.

in this scenario the op is coming out too because she’s his wife. Which is exactly the point, and she should have an invite to the wedding too because she’s his wife.

I do think it's weird that your husband hasn't even noticed how rude this is. Of course it's fine for him to have "his friends" who are not your friends, but that is not the case here. She's effectively saying that, when you go out together, you are the spare wheel. Surely it's going to make it more awkward to make any plans to socialise outside work in the future?

Surely the op won’t be going in future? ‘I don’t think im coming out, I’ll leave this one to people who want to spend time together.’ I might do something else.’

She’s taking the piss ,you all work together you all socialise together.But only your husband gets an invite.He should decline and fuck going out on nights out with her.

These rude people continue to be rude because of people like your husband going along with it. They then think their behaviour is ok. I would be fuming at him for supporting this blatant rude snub of his wife. “People pleasers” can just be as bad as the arseholes of the world because they encourage them to go on and piss more people off by not having a backbone

How similar was it though? Was it genuinely like the OP where you and your husband work in the same team AND socialise together with the bride to be but only one of you was invited? Or is it more like one of you was invited by a colleague but not the other as you don’t work and socialise together?

OP I don’t blame you for being upset and even confused. It feels very, very much like a deliberate snub to you - and potentially trying to divide a wedge between you and your husband. She doesn’t sound like a particularly pleasant person. At least she has shown you who she is now.

As others have said, there are times when it is reasonable to ask one half of a couple, but this isn't one of them. Hella weird and I'd be seriously peed off if my husband said he was going under these circumstances. What's he thinking???

Your DH needs to decline and if asked, can say that he's not comfortable attending without you given that you all work on the same small team and she's snubbed you. This woman is extraordinarily rude in this circumstance, but your DH is now also being extraordinarily rude if he goes without you and condones her poor behaviour here.

Your husband is a real dick for going to this. Jane is whatever - just some rude woman you work for. But your husband is allowing her to disrespect you and going along with it.

I’m surprised she hasn’t contacted you with an apology and an explanation. Very bad manners.

I'm shocked that he's actually going and that you think it's fair enough that he does.

It's weird she only invited him and it's even weirder he's considering going!

I do think this is weird. DH and I have worked in the same teams at work before and have always both been invited to things like this, often with an invitation each I guess so if it's clear to other colleagues there are no plus ones for work friends. We have both also been invited without the other to weddings of friends etc that are our own and the other either doesn't know it doesn't know very well again I think that's fine. I think what's odd about this is that you individually work with and socialise with the bride and are not invited but your husband is

On the fence here….

I don’t think there is anything wrong with inviting one half of a couple. People saying they would decline without DH going seem odd to me. If my DH was invited somewhere - I personally would have no issue him going.

However your circumstance is really unique because you work there too. Therefore her NOT including you would have been a very thought through and intentional act. Whatever the reason (cost) it’s a considered one.

Does she consider your DH her mate a you’re just the plus one? She doesn’t consider you her friend? Do you do stuff with just her without your husband?

Nah sorry that's weird af. I could understand if she didn't know you... but you all work together? How awkward

Very weird and rude. Also very weird that your DH is actually going to attend.

Well I think she is rude to invite him and not you.
and I would be very unhappy if my husband accepted in this situation

This is beyond weird! On the parts of both your colleague and your dozy DH.

What an odd situation. I can understand if she had invited the whole team than she wouldn't invite the spouses. Cause I feel like a team is different from just a regular friend. But onviously you would be included of it was the team so you're not a +1. But very odd.
Sounds like she doesn't consider you as a friend. Maybe time to re-establish the relationship you have.

Your husband being a people pleaser is key.
They are always more concerned about those outside their closest relationships.
It is such an unattractive trait.

I wouldn't be impressed with him going, she clearly isn't particularly keen on you, but tolerates you because you are married to him.

She probably knows he's a people pleaser too and won't be surprised he'll attend without you.

Think long and hard about having children with such a man, they make poor fathers.
They are always too focused on being liked and it means wife, children and family always come last as they run around determined to be liked.

Years ago my friend was engaged to one such man and he had moved into her house.
She had been asking for him to do some jobs in the garden as she planned to sell her house and buy with him once married, but he was always too busy.

One day he came in and said he was going to help a neighbour he barely knew two doors up with his garden for a few hours.

When he came back she had a bag packed and sent him to stay with his parents.
She told him she wanted space as she was having second thoughts.

The scales had finally fallen and lots of other little incidents of him always putting others first.
She was an independent person but when she put all the pieces together she got the ick, and despite his best efforts she called the engagement off.

Really odd.

Do you have kids? A mutual friend of mine and my partners invited my partner only to a big birthday celebration. I think he assumed we couldn't both go as someone would need to look after our child. Which was probably correct ... I almost certainly would have stayed home to look after our kid and let my partner go as they were older friends. But it was imo quite rude for the mutual friend to make this assumption on our behalf and not let us work out childcare between ourselves.

I wonder if your colleague has made a similar assumption that only one of you can attend due to childcare commitments? If so that's really rude and sexist but at least less personal.